Should I break up with him? Or am I being immature?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 months ago
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So its his birthday today and his ex of 3+ years wished him. I thought he only said thank you out of courtesy but he extended the convo saying he cant believe she remembers her, how he doesn't remember her face but he remembers she was a big chunk of past life and how his mom still ask about her. Note we are dating for 4+ years and its a serious relationship and also note, the ex he spoke with cheated on him, the reason why they broke up in the first place so the "catch up" act doesn't sit right with me, she is a bad person not a good friend. Am I overeacting? Or is this time to really break off for good?
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TrES2b
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no i would be extremely uncomfortable and unsettled by this. you're not overeacting.
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TrES2b
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however is this the reason you want to end a 4 year relationship or has there been multiple circumctances making you feel this way?
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Anonymous #2
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He’s talking to someone from his past. I’d talk to him about how this has affected you. I think something important to remember is that they dated for years she is significant in his life and making him who he is as is everyone significant in peoples lives. He was probably just being nostalgic and wanted to talk after not talking for years.

You are obviously upset and concerned which is completely valid and understandable. You should really talk to him
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He’s talking to someone from his past. I’d talk to him about how this has affected you. I think something important to remember is that they dated for years she is significant in his life and making him who he is as is everyone significant in peoples lives. He was probably just being nostalgic and wanted to talk after not talking for years.

You are obviously upset and concerned which is completely valid and understandable. You should really talk to him
I spoke to him and he said I am overreacting. He said I should be thankful that he let me know he replied and spoke to his ex. I would have been completely fine if they ended on a good note, but they didn't, she cheated on him, they broke up, she kept him block for a year and slept around with different guys and he kept waiting for her until he met me. On 2 month of our relationship, she unblocked him and begged him to come back and he refused. Fast forward after four years, she added him in an old app and wished him happy birthday, that's it. But HE extended the convo saying he can't belive she remembers him, how she was a big chunk of his life and how his mom still ask about her. I feel so disrespected and hurt but he all said was I should be thankful he atleast let me know. The convo was suppose to end at thank you but he kept on going and going and she replied in one or words, basically he was all thirsty and Idk what to do
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I spoke to him and he said I am overreacting. He said I should be thankful that he let me know he replied and spoke to his ex. I would have been completely fine if they ended on a good note, but they didn't, she cheated on him, they broke up, she kept him block for a year and slept around with different guys and he kept waiting for her until he met me. On 2 month of our relationship, she unblocked him and begged him to come back and he refused. Fast forward after four years, she added him in an old app and wished him happy birthday, that's it. But HE extended the convo saying he can't belive she remembers him, how she was a big chunk of his life and how his mom still ask about her. I feel so disrespected and hurt but he all said was I should be thankful he atleast let me know. The convo was suppose to end at thank you but he kept on going and going and she replied in one or words, basically he was all thirsty and Idk what to do
and FYI nothings nostalgic about a cheater.
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becausethenight
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Unless there are deeper problems here, personally I wouldn't see a problem with this - she was a big part of his life for 3 years and he probably does want to know what she's up to and if she's OK! If an ex of mine got back in touch I'd definitely want to ask them, say, what degree they were doing now and how they were. Even though they broke up on bad terms, people can still feel nostalgic for the "good times" or want to see how she's getting on in general. It doesn't mean he's flirting or that he wants to get back together with her.

However it sounds like you're really upset about this so I think it's worth you thinking about why that is, how secure you feel in your relationship, and aside from this how it's going with your partner?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I spoke to him and he said I am overreacting. He said I should be thankful that he let me know he replied and spoke to his ex. I would have been completely fine if they ended on a good note, but they didn't, she cheated on him, they broke up, she kept him block for a year and slept around with different guys and he kept waiting for her until he met me. On 2 month of our relationship, she unblocked him and begged him to come back and he refused. Fast forward after four years, she added him in an old app and wished him happy birthday, that's it. But HE extended the convo saying he can't belive she remembers him, how she was a big chunk of his life and how his mom still ask about her. I feel so disrespected and hurt but he all said was I should be thankful he atleast let me know. The convo was suppose to end at thank you but he kept on going and going and she replied in one or words, basically he was all thirsty and Idk what to do
That fact that he told you is a good sign. I can’t say too much based on the fact that I haven’t read their conversation and that I don’t know him. He could have just been interested for old times sake. I have chatted to my ex’s before when they’ve messaged me for a while because I wanted to know how it was going.

The fact that he just said you were overreacting without understanding why you are upset is more worrying (in my opinion) then him having a conversation with an ex (from a relationship that was over years ago)
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
and FYI nothings nostalgic about a cheater.
They still had good times in the relationship cause it lasted three years. The ending sucked and cheating is awful but relationships and feelings aren't black and white. sometimes the fact she cheated isnt enough to completely wipe away all of the good times.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Unless there are deeper problems here, personally I wouldn't see a problem with this - she was a big part of his life for 3 years and he probably does want to know what she's up to and if she's OK! If an ex of mine got back in touch I'd definitely want to ask them, say, what degree they were doing now and how they were. Even though they broke up on bad terms, people can still feel nostalgic for the "good times" or want to see how she's getting on in general. It doesn't mean he's flirting or that he wants to get back together with her.

However it sounds like you're really upset about this so I think it's worth you thinking about why that is, how secure you feel in your relationship, and aside from this how it's going with your partner?
I believe the conversation should have ended at thank you and I doubt any normal person would watch to catch up or have anything to do with a person who cheated on him and kept him blocked for a year to sleep around with more people. Ps she stayed within her boundary by just texting happy birthday, I respect her for that, but he went on and on and on double and tripple texting while she replied with one or two words. It makes me look like a joke because he acted all thirsty towards her.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I believe the conversation should have ended at thank you and I doubt any normal person would watch to catch up or have anything to do with a person who cheated on him and kept him blocked for a year to sleep around with more people. Ps she stayed within her boundary by just texting happy birthday, I respect her for that, but he went on and on and on double and tripple texting while she replied with one or two words. It makes me look like a joke because he acted all thirsty towards her.
Moreover, they both have mutual friends so he is AWARE of what she is up to, there is no catching up to do. but he wanted her to reply and talk to him, that's what hurted me a lot and worst part is, he sees nothing wrong with that. He only regrets showing me the convo.
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londonmyst
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#12
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Trust your gut instinct and listen to what your feelings tell you.
It is fine to end a relationship when you know that you can't tolerate the guy you are dating having contact with any exes, hate or are jealous of one ex.
I give & receive christmas gifts from some of the ex bf's I dated as a teenager.

I would be fine dating a guy who is still friends with an ex, calls her or chats occasionally on social media.
None of the exes I've kept in touch with use social media; we text, talk and usually meet up a couple of times a year.
Everyone has moved on in life; there is no unfinished business, desire to rekindle the failed relationship and zero sexual interest.
Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Trust your gut instinct and listen to what your feelings tell you.
It is fine to end a relationship when you know that you can't tolerate the guy you are dating having contact with any exes, hate or are jealous of one ex.
I give & receive christmas gifts from some of the ex bf's I dated as a teenager.

I would be fine dating a guy who is still friends with an ex, calls her or chats occasionally on social media.
None of the exes I've kept in touch with use social media; we text, talk and usually meet up a couple of times a year.
Everyone has moved on in life; there is no unfinished business, desire to rekindle the failed relationship and zero sexual interest.
Good luck!
We are in a serious relationship, meaning he will be my fiance soon, will be you okay with your fiance talking to an ex who has no respect for your relationship or you? Does your father bring over his exs to your mom's place as a friend? People have different boundaries when they are in serious relationship then they do when they are simply dating. I respect her for the fact that she wished him, but given she cheated on him, he has no obligation to tell her what she is upto, that convo should've ended at thank you if he really respected our relationship.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I believe the conversation should have ended at thank you and I doubt any normal person would watch to catch up or have anything to do with a person who cheated on him and kept him blocked for a year to sleep around with more people. Ps she stayed within her boundary by just texting happy birthday, I respect her for that, but he went on and on and on double and tripple texting while she replied with one or two words. It makes me look like a joke because he acted all thirsty towards her.
Maybe she normally only replies with short messages that could just be how she texts which could make it look one sided on his side. If enough years had past for te emotional pain of
Being cheated on to fade then I would probably want to check in with my ex if they’d texted me happy birthday or something.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We are in a serious relationship, meaning he will be my fiance soon, will be you okay with your fiance talking to an ex who has no respect for your relationship or you? Does your father bring over his exs to your mom's place as a friend? People have different boundaries when they are in serious relationship then they do when they are simply dating. I respect her for the fact that she wished him, but given she cheated on him, he has no obligation to tell her what she is upto, that convo should've ended at thank you if he really respected our relationship.
You have seem to have clear expectations of a relationship that a lot of people wouldn’t have. I personally don’t think the conversation needed to end at thank you. In some situations it would and some it wouldn’t. I don’t know enough to judge fully. However if I felt my ex had respect for our relationship and was honest enough to tell me he was in contact with an ex then I would most likely be okay with it. And that would stand no matter how serious a relationship. But this is just for me and what people want/expect out of relationships differ from person to person.
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ashtolga23
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I’d be uncomfortable but it seems extreme to break it off immediately. Talk through both of your feelings, get this off your chest, and set boundaries if need be.

He likely has no romantic/sexual interest in her anymore, but it’s still interesting to see where people end up. The one comment that sticks out is the one about his mum still asking about her, but that needs context.
Last edited by ashtolga23; 7 months ago
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Unless there are deeper problems here, personally I wouldn't see a problem with this - she was a big part of his life for 3 years and he probably does want to know what she's up to and if she's OK! If an ex of mine got back in touch I'd definitely want to ask them, say, what degree they were doing now and how they were. Even though they broke up on bad terms, people can still feel nostalgic for the "good times" or want to see how she's getting on in general. It doesn't mean he's flirting or that he wants to get back together with her.

However it sounds like you're really upset about this so I think it's worth you thinking about why that is, how secure you feel in your relationship, and aside from this how it's going with your partner?
What?
How don’t you see a problem with it, the entire thing is problematic and how is something like that nostalgic.
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jackmarshal757
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Teenage relationships 🙄
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Anonymous #2
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The cheating part obviously isn’t but there are more to relationships than just negative parts
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The cheating part obviously isn’t but there are more to relationships than just negative parts
Oh yes I 100% agree but I don’t understand why he is carrying on with the conversation. He must been telling his current girlfriend how much he hates her and how much he broke his heart and then he wants to carry on the conversation. It’s different if he said thank you and that’s it. But it’s completely unnecessary for him to further the conversation after what she’s done to him. There isn’t a reason there’s no logic to it
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