The Student Room Group

He nearly hit me

So me and my boyfriend got into a heated argument tonight we’ve been going out over 2 years and we’ve never fought like that before . I won’t go into what it was about as it’s irrelevant.
Anyway during the argument I wanted to walk out the room to sort of calm the situation down a bit but he stood in front of the door so I couldn’t . That alone had me a bit scared as I just felt trapped and he’s NEVER been like that before .
Anyway we continued arguing as i couldn’t leave the room and at the height of the argument he raised his hand at me as if he was about to hit me . He paused and realised what he was doing and looked in shock. I walked out crying obviously.
I’m scared as I thought i knew him . What if he does this again but follows through . Should I forgive ?
I’m not saying is a toxic relationship but a lot toxic relationship may start like this even when it’s been 2 years. It may been the first time he has done this but you need to be careful. It was wrong of him to stand in front of you any person should know that the best thing is to do is to let someone walk away to calm down. In my opinion I can’t tell you that you should forgive him or not because at the end of the day it’s your choice but if this is a common pattern maybe it’s time for a break. Just remember to stay safe and keep your mental health good. People real self may show later. A man shouldn’t make a person feel like they are about to get hit even if he didn’t touch you shouldn’t feel like he nearly did. Talk to your friends and family so they can help you. Your not alone
(edited 3 years ago)
you definitely need to process what happened first things first. From what you said even he was shocked at himself. But at the end of the day staying safe is a priority, and if you got in that situation again you gotta get out of it. Forgiving him, ending with him, staying with him; the ball is in your court of how you wanna handle long term, and just because you forgive doesn’t mean you forget.

Most importantly go with your heart and guy instinct. If you don’t wanna forgive him that’s your choice and that should be respected.
Reply 3
You can have all the discussions you want with your boyfriend when you are both calm, but that's no guarantee you both won't end up in the same situation, or worse, when thing are getting heated. The fact that he blocked you from leaving and even considered raising his hand to you is very concerning; he's immature and not in control of his emotions if he doesn't understand how to manage a row, and physical abuse is never the answer.

Also, there's a serious problem with communication if you end up in a massive argument, particularly if it started over something trivial or could be an issue that comes up again in future. Whatever the reason, this is also something that could happen again and it's on the pair of you if you can't sit down and talk things through sensibly. However, he has already lost your trust by threatening you; can it be regained? Just because it's the first time it's happened doesn't mean it's a one-off; anyone who raises their hand, even if he hesitated, has a major character defect.

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