Is choking without asking okay?

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Bella1807
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At university, i met a guy earlier in the day and he came up to me and gave me his snap. Later on he asked where i was and i told him my uni house where we were having a party cause it was the weekend. He asked to leave his coat in my room and i said yeah and showed him where it was. I was a bit clueless. He asked to kiss me and i said yes and stuff started happening and then out of nowhere he starts choking me and i cant breath. Is that sexual assault? I didnt try stopping him or tell him after but i didnt like it at all and felt quite scared cause he was a strong guy.
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Anonymous #1
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if its not okay to you then its not okay, if its okay for others then its okay
not rocket science
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fantaboy
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1000% not OK
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YaliaV123
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Potential serial killer.
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_gcx
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absolutely not.
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millsinapiccle
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That’s not consent and is definitely not ok. I would avoid him if I were you. I’m sorry that had to happen to you, it sounds scary. Are you ok?
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by millsinapiccle)
Are you ok?
Clearly.
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millsinapiccle
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
....its not assault. Not saying its OK but during sex wild stuff happens out of nowhere. You can't go around asking all the time during sex about minor stuff you wanna do next. If he punched you or started smacking you during sex or you kept struggling or whatever that's rape. Rubbing your throat while kissing you isn't assault babe.


Sexual assault means you didn't ask for any of it, you didn't want a kiss, no hand held, no breathing on neck, no rubbing his groin on you, no touching your knee, no touching your hair, no grabbing his crotch licking his lips while you talk, like if the entire thing was a disaster.


A bad kiss is not assault. Is it strange, sure.
This is victim blaming. And he didn’t “rub” their throat he choked them. Go find a better profile picture
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Bella1807
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Yeah im okay. Just a kinda scary situation and was wondering what counts as assault or not. I told my friend and he really wanted to report it but id rather just let it go and move on
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by millsinapiccle)
This is victim blaming. And he didn’t “rub” their throat he choked them. Go find a better profile picture
Do you know what victim blaming is sweetie... Where did I mention it's ops fault that they were in that situation.... All I said was, it wasn't assault. It was just a bad kiss. How about you get a profile picture first sweetie mine is great 👌
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by Bella1807)
Yeah im okay. Just a kinda scary situation and was wondering what counts as assault or not. I told my friend and he really wanted to report it but id rather just let it go and move on
ok cool 👍
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ROTL94
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No, it's a criminal offence.
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Bella1807)
Yeah im okay. Just a kinda scary situation and was wondering what counts as assault or not. I told my friend and he really wanted to report it but id rather just let it go and move on
It’s good that you have such a supportive friend. Always remember that you have the right to say no in any situation and at any point.
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MidgetFever
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Not at all, if it comes to obscure kinks then they should most certainly be discussed beforehand. So yeah, that really isn't okay.

Besides, if he was doing it to the point that you couldn't breathe then he isn't doing it properly either. If a person's going to do it, then they should at least do so safely. :rolleyes:
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millsinapiccle
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
Do you know what victim blaming is sweetie... Where did I mention it's ops fault that they were in that situation.... All I said was, it wasn't assault. It was just a bad kiss. How about you get a profile picture first sweetie mine is great 👌
Yes I know what victim blaming is and it includes telling the victim that it’s not assault because they didn’t say no or struggle which is exactly what you said. Just because someone consents to one thing doesn’t mean they consent to everything else. And don’t call me sweetie.
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by millsinapiccle)
Yes I know what victim blaming is and it includes telling the victim that it’s not assault because they didn’t say no or struggle which is exactly what you said. Just because someone consents to one thing doesn’t mean they consent to everything else. And don’t call me sweetie.
I'm about done with you sweetie. But of course she didn't consent. She didn't know it was gonna happen. And he probably didn't know either. Because, again, wild stuff happens during sex. Where was op a victim lol and where can you find me a direct link to a definition of victim blaming that says what you just said it is. .. You're more angry about this than op is.... Relax yourself.
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millsinapiccle
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
I'm about done with you sweetie. But of course she didn't consent. She didn't know it was gonna happen. And he probably didn't know either. Because, again, wild stuff happens during sex. Where was op a victim lol and where can you find me a direct link to a definition of victim blaming that says what you just said it is. .. You're more angry about this than op is.... Relax yourself.
The whole point is that you ask if it’s ok before you do something. So you’re saying that he wasn’t in control of what he was doing? He definitely was and he definitely knew he was going to do it. As a woman who has to live in a world where people like you don’t respect women’s bodies I think it’s perfectly ok for me to be angry. But to put your mind at ease just know I’m perfectly calm, just amused and tired of having to teach adults basic consent. OP wants to move on and so there’s no need for us to discuss this further
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Surnia
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(Original post by Bella1807)
Yeah im okay. Just a kinda scary situation and was wondering what counts as assault or not. I told my friend and he really wanted to report it but id rather just let it go and move on
Yes, it's assault. Context: I went to stop a potential fight between 2 guys. It calmed down and when I was walking away one of them came after me and pushed me over. I reported it to the police who took my statement and charged him with assault because (in their words) he'd done something to me that I hadn't asked for. That's your situation.

You have a lovely friend, but maybe think of speaking to a counsellor at uni to get another perspective on dealing with this because it could be something that comes back and makes you wary/nervous in future.

Also, think about reporting it because it could stop him doing this to other girls. Don't leave it too long to decide on this, obviously. And it might give you some form of closure. Take care!
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
....its not assault. Not saying its OK but during sex wild stuff happens out of nowhere. You can't go around asking all the time during sex about minor stuff you wanna do next. If he punched you or started smacking you during sex or you kept struggling or whatever that's rape. Rubbing your throat while kissing you isn't assault babe.


Sexual assault means you didn't ask for any of it, you didn't want a kiss, no hand held, no breathing on neck, no rubbing his groin on you, no touching your knee, no touching your hair, no grabbing his crotch licking his lips while you talk, like if the entire thing was a disaster.


A bad kiss is not assault. Is it strange, sure.
Your post is bang out of order.

Bella1807 was sexually assaulted.

The official NHS website gives the following definition of sexual assault:

"A sexual assault is any sexual act that a person did not consent to, or is forced into against their will. It is a form of sexual violence and includes rape (an assault involving penetration of the vagina, anus or mouth), or other sexual offences, such as groping, forced kissing, child sexual abuse or the torture of a person in a sexual manner.


Sexual assault is an act that is carried out without the victim's active consent. This means they didn't agree to it.

It is not uncommon for a victim of sexual assault to have no physical injuries or signs of their assault. But sexual assault is still a crime and can be reported to the police in the same way as other crimes."
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/

Choking someone in this context is torture of a person in a sexual manner.
And it was done without Bella's active consent.

I am confident that if the whole episode had been video recorded and presented to a jury that he would be convicted for sexual assault.
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daniellasax17
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
Do you know what victim blaming is sweetie... Where did I mention it's ops fault that they were in that situation.... All I said was, it wasn't assault. It was just a bad kiss. How about you get a profile picture first sweetie mine is great 👌
Well it wasn’t just a bad kiss as kissing is with your lips, not your hands.
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