I hate being the nice guy

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Ok I think i’m too nice for my own good. I’m a guy who if nobody reply’s to someone message on the group chat i’ll reply so they don’t feel bad and when someone does me wrong I try to understand and forgive.

Also if i’m better than someone at a sport or video game and I beat them i’ll say unlucky you’ll get better but they’ll trash talk me if it’s the other way around.

I’m also and easy target if someone wants to roast either because i’m a nice guy and won’t say anything back.

But something happened yesterday which really pissed me off and I don’t want to be the nice guy anymore. I do all these things and nobody does it back, iv done all these thing without asking for anything in return and it’s got me nowhere but people taking advantage. I’m want to become a harsher person because I hate being taken advantage of to my detriment.

I now believe nice guys finish last and I want people to give me and not just use me for a cheap laugh. Am I going too far here?
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok I think i’m too nice for my own good. I’m a guy who if nobody reply’s to someone message on the group chat i’ll reply so they don’t feel bad and when someone does me wrong I try to understand and forgive.

Also if i’m better than someone at a sport or video game and I beat them i’ll say unlucky you’ll get better but they’ll trash talk me if it’s the other way around.

I’m also and easy target if someone wants to roast either because i’m a nice guy and won’t say anything back.

But something happened yesterday which really pissed me off and I don’t want to be the nice guy anymore. I do all these things and nobody does it back, iv done all these thing without asking for anything in return and it’s got me nowhere but people taking advantage. I’m want to become a harsher person because I hate being taken advantage of to my detriment.

I now believe nice guys finish last and I want people to give me and not just use me for a cheap laugh. Am I going too far here?
Don't allow people to take advantage of you. Have respect for yourself.
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Wannabevetnurse
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok I think i’m too nice for my own good. I’m a guy who if nobody reply’s to someone message on the group chat i’ll reply so they don’t feel bad and when someone does me wrong I try to understand and forgive.

Also if i’m better than someone at a sport or video game and I beat them i’ll say unlucky you’ll get better but they’ll trash talk me if it’s the other way around.

I’m also and easy target if someone wants to roast either because i’m a nice guy and won’t say anything back.

But something happened yesterday which really pissed me off and I don’t want to be the nice guy anymore. I do all these things and nobody does it back, iv done all these thing without asking for anything in return and it’s got me nowhere but people taking advantage. I’m want to become a harsher person because I hate being taken advantage of to my detriment.

I now believe nice guys finish last and I want people to give me and not just use me for a cheap laugh. Am I going too far here?
you can still be nice and get somewhere. you need to know your limits, set them and let people know when they've gone over your limits.
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Interea
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You don't need to stop being nice, you just need to learn where to draw the line - if you stop being nice then you're just as bad as all those people who are annoying you.
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_gcx
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You should do nice things because you like doing nice things not because you expect something in return.

That said you do need some backbone and stand up for yourself when you're being walked over. There's a balance you can strike that isn't "I'm gonna be the biggest ****** possible".
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Rufus the red
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Be nice but don't be nice if someone doesn't deserve it.
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saskiax
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Imo you're going in the right direction, people are not worth it
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ShybutHi
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I used to be just like this...

Make sure you are not too selfless because it can be toxic for yourself. I think some people mistake being nice to others always as a weakness and that you have a lack of respect for yourself. This can make people think it ok to tease you a lot or talk back at you, maybe talk down on you, or anything depending on the attitude of the people you know.

If you are a bit more selfish (in a healthy way right, you do things for yourself more) so these things are more balanced, people think you have more respect for yourself, and therefore show you more respect too. Also this will later translate to more confidence because you have more respect for yourself and do things for yourself more.

You can still be your nice self to people, but perhaps just alter your attitude a little bit over time to be a little less selfless and nice showing you also have some respect for yourself, you know your strengths. Also though progressing in life and doing good for yourself helps to, getting good skills or good job and all that and you are proud of it, people seem to respect that too.
Last edited by ShybutHi; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok I think i’m too nice for my own good. I’m a guy who if nobody reply’s to someone message on the group chat i’ll reply so they don’t feel bad and when someone does me wrong I try to understand and forgive.

Also if i’m better than someone at a sport or video game and I beat them i’ll say unlucky you’ll get better but they’ll trash talk me if it’s the other way around.

I’m also and easy target if someone wants to roast either because i’m a nice guy and won’t say anything back.

But something happened yesterday which really pissed me off and I don’t want to be the nice guy anymore. I do all these things and nobody does it back, iv done all these thing without asking for anything in return and it’s got me nowhere but people taking advantage. I’m want to become a harsher person because I hate being taken advantage of to my detriment.

I now believe nice guys finish last and I want people to give me and not just use me for a cheap laugh. Am I going too far here?
Yes you are worrying unnecessarily , its a common worry or self-doubt.
Be yourself, authentic.
Stick to your values, now think about something else lol
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cailinn
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“Being nice does not come out of goodness or high morals. It comes out of a fear of displeasing others and receiving their disapproval. “

This quote is from the book ‘Not Nice’ by Aziz Gazipura. It might help you, and you can find it online for free.
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Anonymous #3
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Only do anything for anyone else if it either A) has positives for you as well or B) doesn't negatively affect you. Anything else is not necessary.
What another person said was right. Often people pleasing is from a fear of being disliked. What you have to do is stop giving a [email protected] what anyone thinks. Then you'll be free.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok I think i’m too nice for my own good. I’m a guy who if nobody reply’s to someone message on the group chat i’ll reply so they don’t feel bad and when someone does me wrong I try to understand and forgive.

Also if i’m better than someone at a sport or video game and I beat them i’ll say unlucky you’ll get better but they’ll trash talk me if it’s the other way around.

I’m also and easy target if someone wants to roast either because i’m a nice guy and won’t say anything back.

But something happened yesterday which really pissed me off and I don’t want to be the nice guy anymore. I do all these things and nobody does it back, iv done all these thing without asking for anything in return and it’s got me nowhere but people taking advantage. I’m want to become a harsher person because I hate being taken advantage of to my detriment.

I now believe nice guys finish last and I want people to give me and not just use me for a cheap laugh. Am I going too far here?
OK lets break this down. As a general guideline aim to behave in the most appropriate way for a given situation. There are times when nice is best and times when it isn't.

I’m a guy who if nobody reply’s to someone message on the group chat i’ll reply so they don’t feel bad
Sounds fine to me if you have a minute or two to spare to send the message. This also has a side benefit of you practising your English composition skills.

when someone does me wrong I try to understand and forgive.
Understanding is fine. But don't spend too long over it as idiots are not worth spending a lof of your time over. Forgiving? Maybe. But "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me".

Also if i’m better than someone at a sport or video game and I beat them i’ll say unlucky you’ll get better but they’ll trash talk me if it’s the other way around.
As long as you don't get too patronising with the "unlucky" that's fine. You could say instead "that was a close game".
If they trash talk you that's them being a bad winner. Bad winners are just as annoying as bad losers. You have the moral higher ground here. Carry on as you have been in this area.

I’m also and easy target if someone wants to roast either because i’m a nice guy and won’t say anything back.
Treat the roasts as **** tests.
How to pass these tests

But something happened yesterday which really pissed me off and I don’t want to be the nice guy anymore.
You don't give details on what it was. Maybe you acted in the right way, maybe you didn't.

As another general guideline it's fine to be tolerant of the faults of others whilst setting the highest standards in your own behaviour.
However when someone tries to control you, that's a time for you to be assertive and for you to do what you want and not what someone else wants.
There's also a lot of times when pragmatism is better than idealism.

Life will throw stressful situations at you from time to time. That's life. The bad things in life help you appreciate how good the good things in life are.


I now believe nice guys finish last
That's a tired cliche. Nice giys don't finish last if they behave in appropriate ways for given situations.

Also the adult world works differently to the school world. At schools there's this stupid culture where being nice and genuine is uncool and being obnoxious / negative is seen as cool. In the adult world this usually doesn't apply. For example, first class customer service is really cool.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by _gcx)
You should do nice things because you like doing nice things not because you expect something in return.

That said you do need some backbone and stand up for yourself when you're being walked over. There's a balance you can strike that isn't "I'm gonna be the biggest ****** possible".
I don’t do nice things because I expect something in return. I meant it annoys me when someone who you have done something nice for is horrible to you in return. I’m not expecting them to do super nice back just don’t be horrible
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_gcx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t do nice things because I expect something in return. I meant it annoys me when someone who you have done something nice for is horrible to you in return. I’m not expecting them to do super nice back just don’t be horrible
Then don't bother doing anything nice for them again. Not everyone will react that way.
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