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Dumped at 18 :(

I was dumped nearly 2 months ago by my bf who was with me for 3 years. Without him I feel lost because he was the only one who everything about me and so I have no one to talk to when I'm sad, anxious or happy. Being alone at home in lockdown definitely isn't helping that. I'm going to uni in September and I guess that's a clean state but I just feel confused and stuck. I have no idea what it is like to have a crush on someone, how adult relationships work (like how do you trust someone if you know nothin about them? I'm so self-conscious and I don't think I could be with anyone until I fully trust that they won't judge, laugh at or hurt me, and my ex has broken whatever confidence I had left). In general I just feel pessimistic. I know I should be over it because it's been 2 months now but I just feel confused.

Any tips about going to uni and meeting people ? or just general breakup tips.
Sorry this is so depressing

Reply 1

nicalibres

Not depressing at all, don't worry. I'm really sorry to hear he broke up with you. You were together for 3 years and I'm assuming he was your first love, so of course it's going to take time to heal.

I'm not sure if this will help but try not to stress about meeting new people and getting into a relationship with someone you don't know well. My childhood was a bit tragic, I was bullied in school and my first boyfriend was toxic, so when I came to uni I was scared of dating and relationships. Then I met a guy I really liked, we took it slow and everything just felt right. The same thing will happen to you. You'll meet someone who makes everything seem a little less scary and who is comfortable moving at whatever pace you are comfortable with, physically but more importantly emotionally.

Reply 2

Theloniouss

Universities Forum Helper

It takes a long time to get over long-term relationships. Try doing things you enjoy, get out of your house if you can and it'll get better over time

Reply 3

Hatty Matty

It is normal to feel what you feel at this point. Everything is still new for you. 2 months is a very short period of time. Give yourself more time (normally 2 years is needed for full recovery on average, sometimes is less but this depends on a person and what new memories/ experience they make) so just focus now on yourself. It is fantastic that you are going to start university soon. This will defiantly help you clear your thoughts and get busy on rebuilding your feelings and growing up. (I myself cannot wait to start university this September :h:

).

For the tips, I would suggest don't stress about it. Meeting new people is not that hard when everyone is new and in the same shoes as you ( I am talking about university). I would strongly suggest just give yourself time, learn about yourself ( I know how this sounds ridiculous but now you are different than you were before a break up) learn how to love yourself again and new people will come to you instead of you changing them.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

thank you all for your replies :smile:

it's just hard because my childhood was also not great so my relationships are complicated, I get no support for my mental health and he was the one constant and safe thing in my life. So I find myself missing him, his mum (she was so lovely to me and is upset we broke up, she even sent me a really sweet message afterwards) and just generally everything seems wrong. Worse things are happening in the world though so not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Again, thank you :smile: