Am I a bad friend or is she? Pls read x

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ca_1234
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My friend asked me for help in writing her personal statement for sixth form. Given the fact that I'd finished mine prior to this and I'd say that I know how to write PSs fairly well I thought why not. I thought it wouldn't make sense for me to write it entirely for her because 1) that isn't fair for her to ask me to write the whole thing for her, 2) I wouldn't be able to articulate her reasons for wanting to go to this school or study her subjects or be able to talk about her passions and aspirations for the future because I am not inside her brain. So I came up with a very extensive template for her. I included how she should structure it, all the things she should add, and how to word it and everything. All she had to do was add in the information that was specific to her and add al the reasons for wanting to go to that school, do those subjects etc etc. Making that template for her took quite a while because I wanted to make it as clear as possible for her. However, when I sent it to her, she replied "I didn't want this, can you just write it for me?" I asked her why she couldn't write it her self as I had provided her with more than enough instruction on how to do it, she said "I can't be bothered". She then called me a bad friend for "not helping her" when in reality she just wanted me to write it word for word which I refused to do. What do you guys think? If you have any other questions about the story just ask but this is all the context I could think to give xx
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ca_1234
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ziggy03 here it is x
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GabiAbi84
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Nope, it’s her responsibility to do it-you’ve done more than enough to help when in reality you didn’t even have to do that much.
It’s not your fault she’s being lazy and wants you to do it for her.
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Anonymous #1
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No this is definitely her bad, you did more than some friends would do and provided her with an extensive template which I would’ve been totally grateful for. She only really had to fill it in. In my opinion she was probably just using you.
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ca_1234
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Nope, it’s her responsibility to do it-you’ve done more than enough to help when in reality you didn’t even have to do that much.
It’s not your fault she’s being lazy and wants you to do it for her.
Thank you! She made it a whole thing and tried to make it seem like I was just not wanting to help her when the template I made for her was about a page long!
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kxch
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(Original post by ca_1234)
My friend asked me for help in writing her personal statement for sixth form. Given the fact that I'd finished mine prior to this and I'd say that I know how to write PSs fairly well I thought why not. I thought it wouldn't make sense for me to write it entirely for her because 1) that isn't fair for her to ask me to write the whole thing for her, 2) I wouldn't be able to articulate her reasons for wanting to go to this school or study her subjects or be able to talk about her passions and aspirations for the future because I am not inside her brain. So I came up with a very extensive template for her. I included how she should structure it, all the things she should add, and how to word it and everything. All she had to do was add in the information that was specific to her and add al the reasons for wanting to go to that school, do those subjects etc etc. Making that template for her took quite a while because I wanted to make it as clear as possible for her. However, when I sent it to her, she replied "I didn't want this, can you just write it for me?" I asked her why she couldn't write it her self as I had provided her with more than enough instruction on how to do it, she said "I can't be bothered". She then called me a bad friend for "not helping her" when in reality she just wanted me to write it word for word which I refused to do. What do you guys think? If you have any other questions about the story just ask but this is all the context I could think to give xx
you're not a bad friend at all. i also helped my friends with their personal statements, but i made sure to leave out the same stuff you have because at that point it isn't personal. if she wants to go to university then she has to put in the effort herself and not expect to be carried along. it's stronger and better that you say no to her, because what you've done so far is amazing and you need to focus on your own application, not hers.
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username5252878
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(Original post by ca_1234)
My friend asked me for help in writing her personal statement for sixth form. Given the fact that I'd finished mine prior to this and I'd say that I know how to write PSs fairly well I thought why not. I thought it wouldn't make sense for me to write it entirely for her because 1) that isn't fair for her to ask me to write the whole thing for her, 2) I wouldn't be able to articulate her reasons for wanting to go to this school or study her subjects or be able to talk about her passions and aspirations for the future because I am not inside her brain. So I came up with a very extensive template for her. I included how she should structure it, all the things she should add, and how to word it and everything. All she had to do was add in the information that was specific to her and add al the reasons for wanting to go to that school, do those subjects etc etc. Making that template for her took quite a while because I wanted to make it as clear as possible for her. However, when I sent it to her, she replied "I didn't want this, can you just write it for me?" I asked her why she couldn't write it her self as I had provided her with more than enough instruction on how to do it, she said "I can't be bothered". She then called me a bad friend for "not helping her" when in reality she just wanted me to write it word for word which I refused to do. What do you guys think? If you have any other questions about the story just ask but this is all the context I could think to give xx
You’ve done your fair share. Is she also going to be unbothered when doing her assignments at college?

Seriously, leave her to it, you’ve done more than enough and you’re a great friend. She don’t deserve someone like yourself who goes out their way to help others. Credit to you 😊
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Catsarepurrfect
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If she can't be bothered, why should you? She is just using you, and honestly she sounds a bit toxic - you are definitely not a bad friend for not doing her work for her.
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ziggy03
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Nope, it’s her responsibility to do it-you’ve done more than enough to help when in reality you didn’t even have to do that much.
It’s not your fault she’s being lazy and wants you to do it for her.
shes a bad friend for even putting that on you. so toxic to get mad at people who put in the effort the best they can when the person can't be bothered to do anything themselves. if you can find a way to delete the work you sent her if its in a chat and make her do it herself.
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ashtolga23
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(Original post by ca_1234)
My friend asked me for help in writing her personal statement for sixth form. Given the fact that I'd finished mine prior to this and I'd say that I know how to write PSs fairly well I thought why not. I thought it wouldn't make sense for me to write it entirely for her because 1) that isn't fair for her to ask me to write the whole thing for her, 2) I wouldn't be able to articulate her reasons for wanting to go to this school or study her subjects or be able to talk about her passions and aspirations for the future because I am not inside her brain. So I came up with a very extensive template for her. I included how she should structure it, all the things she should add, and how to word it and everything. All she had to do was add in the information that was specific to her and add al the reasons for wanting to go to that school, do those subjects etc etc. Making that template for her took quite a while because I wanted to make it as clear as possible for her. However, when I sent it to her, she replied "I didn't want this, can you just write it for me?" I asked her why she couldn't write it her self as I had provided her with more than enough instruction on how to do it, she said "I can't be bothered". She then called me a bad friend for "not helping her" when in reality she just wanted me to write it word for word which I refused to do. What do you guys think? If you have any other questions about the story just ask but this is all the context I could think to give xx
Oh my god that's ridiculous! You're completely right in the reasons you gave; you can't possibly know her well enough to write this, no matter how close you are, and she should know her PS very well! Even the style of writing should ideally be her own.

If I were you, I wouldn't have even done a template to be honest. I'd usually go with general pointers on how to start and then proofread it for her at the end. I think you did more than enough, and to throw that back in your face is pretty shocking.

How long have you been friends, and does she do this often? It really sounds like she's using you or taking you for granted.
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mnot
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(Original post by ca_1234)
My friend asked me for help in writing her personal statement for sixth form. Given the fact that I'd finished mine prior to this and I'd say that I know how to write PSs fairly well I thought why not. I thought it wouldn't make sense for me to write it entirely for her because 1) that isn't fair for her to ask me to write the whole thing for her, 2) I wouldn't be able to articulate her reasons for wanting to go to this school or study her subjects or be able to talk about her passions and aspirations for the future because I am not inside her brain. So I came up with a very extensive template for her. I included how she should structure it, all the things she should add, and how to word it and everything. All she had to do was add in the information that was specific to her and add al the reasons for wanting to go to that school, do those subjects etc etc. Making that template for her took quite a while because I wanted to make it as clear as possible for her. However, when I sent it to her, she replied "I didn't want this, can you just write it for me?" I asked her why she couldn't write it her self as I had provided her with more than enough instruction on how to do it, she said "I can't be bothered". She then called me a bad friend for "not helping her" when in reality she just wanted me to write it word for word which I refused to do. What do you guys think? If you have any other questions about the story just ask but this is all the context I could think to give xx
Shes a bad friend for guilt tripping you.

It’s unfair of her to burden you with her own responsibilities. Its a personal statement clue is in the name, she should be grateful for whatever help you offered even if not what she wants.

Its called leaching off someone, like a parasite.
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ca_1234
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(Original post by kxch)
you're not a bad friend at all. i also helped my friends with their personal statements, but i made sure to leave out the same stuff you have because at that point it isn't personal. if she wants to go to university then she has to put in the effort herself and not expect to be carried along. it's stronger and better that you say no to her, because what you've done so far is amazing and you need to focus on your own application, not hers.
Thank you for getting it! I'm being made out to be the bad person when I literally did what I could to help her.
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ca_1234
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(Original post by Catsarepurrfect)
If she can't be bothered, why should you? She is just using you, and honestly she sounds a bit toxic - you are definitely not a bad friend for not doing her work for her.
Thank you now that I think of it this isn't very out of character for her.
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ca_1234
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(Original post by ziggy03)
shes a bad friend for even putting that on you. so toxic to get mad at people who put in the effort the best they can when the person can't be bothered to do anything themselves. if you can find a way to delete the work you sent her if its in a chat and make her do it herself.
Nope I emailed it to her :/ I don't mind anyway she can still use it because I genuinely did want to help her I just don't understand why she's throwing it back in my face like this
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Anonymous #2
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#use and abuse
That's what she's doing to you and you need to leave her
And make better friends

If anything, she should be grateful for the template you did for her and if she really wanted to go uni, she should be doing it herself.
And no, this is on her for being a bad, lazy friend.
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ca_1234
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
Oh my god that's ridiculous! You're completely right in the reasons you gave; you can't possibly know her well enough to write this, no matter how close you are, and she should know her PS very well! Even the style of writing should ideally be her own.

If I were you, I wouldn't have even done a template to be honest. I'd usually go with general pointers on how to start and then proofread it for her at the end. I think you did more than enough, and to throw that back in your face is pretty shocking.

How long have you been friends, and does she do this often? It really sounds like she's using you or taking you for granted.
Exactly! Even another person that I helped with a similar template (except this girl had already done a mindmap of everything she wanted to include and only asked me how to structre it and word it to make it better) said that I had given her more than enough help. I'm not even saying it to brag I did all of that because I genuinely wanted to help her and that was the best I could do.
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ca_1234
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(Original post by mnot)
Shes a bad friend for guilt tripping you.

It’s unfair of her to burden you with her own responsibilities. Its a personal statement clue is in the name, she should be grateful for whatever help you offered even if not what she wants.

Its called leaching off someone, like a parasite.
Precisely! This is exactly what I told her, I can give you all the help in the world (which presumably I did) but it is called a *personal* statement for a reason. There's only so much I can do!
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ca_1234
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(Original post by Anonymous)
#use and abuse
That's what she's doing to you and you need to leave her
And make better friends

If anything, she should be grateful for the template you did for her and if she really wanted to go uni, she should be doing it herself.
And no, this is on her for being a bad, lazy friend.
My thoughts exactly. I had an inkling that we wouldn't be close friends anymore next year and I've had this inkling for a while, but this reallywas the last straw. She literally made me out to be spiteful, unhelpful and, get this, jealous!
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kacey371
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you sound like such a sweet person, no you are not a bad friend. if anything she is, that lazy ****, she should be doing her own statement not you. are you close with her?? bc if not then my suggestion would be to cut her off. no one deserves a toxic person like that in their life, they'll just bring you down. surround yourself with better people, people who are on the same wave-length as you. and my advice, from experience, only help those who you trust. i have a small tight group of friends and we all help each other when we need to bc we know that the friend we are helping will also do the work xx
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emj.j
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Hi there! You're not a bad friend, don't worry. I'm sorry that she didn't appreciate the work you did, though. You must have put a lot of work into it.If anything, you're being a good friend in this situation. You're teaching her that she can't get people to do everything in life for her. Just let her cool off. She may be going through something that's been troubling her, so just show her some support.Good luck!xx
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