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I'm trapped I have no option but to run away and I'm scared.

Firstly, I don't know why I'm posting this maybe it's just to pick the brains of you tsrians or maybe it's just a cry for attention either way I'm posting it anon so I don't seem like a total loon. Here we go:

I'm 20 ( 21 at Christmas) and I dropped out of university last year. My parents have made it no secret that they despise me for this and consider me little more than an irritating speck who pales in comparison to my drug taking, alcholic, lay about brother who they worship now simply because he's managed to keep a job cleaning toilets for the last six month ( not mentioning of course that this is the first time in over six years I've been out of work and that I even went to uni in the first place wheras he dropped out of school when he was about 13) but that isn't really it.

I had to move back to my parents house and leave my job and my few friends behind, they live way out in the middle of the country its 13 miles to the nearest town and I don't drive. I have to ask them for everything. They've taken control of the £40 a week dole money I have so I am totally broke. We all make this big pretence that I'm going to find work and a flat but I'm coming to realise that they secretly like having me here under their control, it's as if they're trying to make up for working all through my childhood and leaving me alone so much but in a more sinister and twisted way.

I have arranged to view some flats tomorrow but of course they will have to pay for it until I get a job, something I could easily do if I were anywhere near a place of work. I don't think they will let me move out though.

My dad just told me he isn't coming to look at them and when I asked what would happen if one of them was good and we needed to make a decision quickly he just said 'there's no rush'.
He did this before, the week after I first moved back home I found a flat and he even paid the deposit before coming up with some rediculous reason not to let me go. I just don't think it's going to happen and I don't want to be kept here like a prisoner so I may just get my bike, ride the 13 miles to the train station and use the little money I have to get to London. I would be homeless but I'm sure I could find a shelter right? It's the only way out I can see other than hanging myself and I'm sure they'd just moan at having to clean up the mess: "That silly girl, hanging herself on our banister... she just doesn't have any respect, taking our rope and treating the place like a hotel!!!!" lol :o:

I don't suppose anyone else has any experience of being homeless, it does terrify me but not as much as growing old in my parents house never being able to leave because they won't let me, because I'd never have enough money to go out on my own, because I'm too ******* scared.

Sorry, kind of rambley.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Don't go to London whatever you do... That can't possibly be the answer. Homeless in a big, dangerous, indifferent city? There must be somewhere more wecloming...

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Thats the thing, I don't think I can stay with anyone. I had debts that were spiralling out of control for so long I sort of withdrew into myself, nobody seemed to care and I just stopped noticing other people. I didn't even tell them I was leaving it was so shameful.

There are a couple of people I could stay with but most of them live with their partners and I don't want to be a burden on anyone or intrude.

Reply 3

Yusuf.T

15

take a deep breathe. get some sleep and THINK about all this again in the morning.
Winters coming mind you
if it was like june when you said this it would have been ideal.. but now.. not so much.

Reply 4

IChem

11

Anonymous

Thats the thing, I don't think I can stay with anyone. I had debts that were spiralling out of control for so long I sort of withdrew into myself, nobody seemed to care and I just stopped noticing other people. I didn't even tell them I was leaving it was so shameful.

There are a couple of people I could stay with but most of them live with their partners and I don't want to be a burden on anyone or intrude.

If they are true friends, then I'm sure that they will understand your situation and at least let you crash on the couch for a while.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Well I knew it would happen and I'm not shocked as I've kind of resigned myself to the fact they won't give me any help.

I went to look at a dozen flats in Brighton today with my ma, and one of them was lovely. A huge place with great, friendly people in it and cheap as chips. If I even only managed a part time job on minimum wage I could afford it. My ma said she liked it too and I could have it and my dad pretended to say yes for a couple of hours then suddenly changed his tact and came up with a million reason why I couldn't. Instead he wants me to go live with my uncle who is like 80 and his ma who is still in the victorian age in Coventry.

I guess I'm leaving this weekend. I'd like to go stay with friends but I've only got £20 and I don't know how far that'll get me. I found some shelters which'll take you on for free for one night and I guess if I take my guitar I could earn a couple of quid here and there: I used to busk in the summers back home for ***** and giggles and made about £50 a day. It wouldn't be a steady income but maybe if I just run away for a couple of weeks and let them worry he'll realise he can't keep me locked up and it's either help me or put me on the streets. Thanks for all the kind words, I know I'm stupid but I just don't see any other way if I stay here any longer I think I'll be a serious risk to myself, I was cleaning earlier and just kept thinking how much bleach would it take for me to die... how many pills could I take before it happened. Thanks anyway.

Reply 6

Cadders

Anonymous

Well I knew it would happen and I'm not shocked as I've kind of resigned myself to the fact they won't give me any help.

I went to look at a dozen flats in Brighton today with my ma, and one of them was lovely. A huge place with great, friendly people in it and cheap as chips. If I even only managed a part time job on minimum wage I could afford it. My ma said she liked it too and I could have it and my dad pretended to say yes for a couple of hours then suddenly changed his tact and came up with a million reason why I couldn't. Instead he wants me to go live with my uncle who is like 80 and his ma who is still in the victorian age in Coventry.

I guess I'm leaving this weekend. I'd like to go stay with friends but I've only got £20 and I don't know how far that'll get me. I found some shelters which'll take you on for free for one night and I guess if I take my guitar I could earn a couple of quid here and there: I used to busk in the summers back home for ***** and giggles and made about £50 a day. It wouldn't be a steady income but maybe if I just run away for a couple of weeks and let them worry he'll realise he can't keep me locked up and it's either help me or put me on the streets. Thanks for all the kind words, I know I'm stupid but I just don't see any other way if I stay here any longer I think I'll be a serious risk to myself, I was cleaning earlier and just kept thinking how much bleach would it take for me to die... how many pills could I take before it happened. Thanks anyway.

If you're so determined to run away, you would be much better off if you found a job, stuck at it for a few months, and built up some cash first.

You won't get anywhere with so little money.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Cadders

If you're so determined to run away, you would be much better off if you found a job, stuck at it for a few months, and built up some cash first.

You won't get anywhere with so little money.

I have no way of getting a job. I'm 13 miles from the nearest town with no buses. My father has to go away regularly to have medical treatment so getting regular lifts with my parents is out of the question. I'm damn sure they wouldn't lend me taxi money either.

I have applied to numerous jobs, I do every single day but nobody in a town will hire me because I'm so far out of the way and with no transport. It's kind of the whole point, if I were able to get a job and earn money then I'd be able to get a flat on my own steam and not have to contemplate sleeping rough, which isn't a pleasant thought in the slightest.

Reply 8

837491

16

Anonymous

Well I knew it would happen and I'm not shocked as I've kind of resigned myself to the fact they won't give me any help.

I went to look at a dozen flats in Brighton today with my ma, and one of them was lovely. A huge place with great, friendly people in it and cheap as chips. If I even only managed a part time job on minimum wage I could afford it. My ma said she liked it too and I could have it and my dad pretended to say yes for a couple of hours then suddenly changed his tact and came up with a million reason why I couldn't. Instead he wants me to go live with my uncle who is like 80 and his ma who is still in the victorian age in Coventry.

I guess I'm leaving this weekend. I'd like to go stay with friends but I've only got £20 and I don't know how far that'll get me. I found some shelters which'll take you on for free for one night and I guess if I take my guitar I could earn a couple of quid here and there: I used to busk in the summers back home for ***** and giggles and made about £50 a day. It wouldn't be a steady income but maybe if I just run away for a couple of weeks and let them worry he'll realise he can't keep me locked up and it's either help me or put me on the streets. Thanks for all the kind words, I know I'm stupid but I just don't see any other way if I stay here any longer I think I'll be a serious risk to myself, I was cleaning earlier and just kept thinking how much bleach would it take for me to die... how many pills could I take before it happened. Thanks anyway.

hey, you wont achieve anything by running away, im a realistic kinda guy but honestly you are just going to go back home in the end anyway so, in my opinion anyway - you should wait a bit longer and get together a bit more money before you get away, i mean its not absolutely urgent to get away Now is it? if you plan this properly it could be so much easier than the rough plan you have now, besides it getting properly cold roundabouts 'ere. apply for jobs online at like tescos, m&s, boots sainsburys everywhere does it online these days, and once you get a job in a town, then think about running away cos at least then you have something to run away to!

anyway, what harm will come of waiting longer and using the time to pressure your mum into doing something about your dad, as it sounds like she wont mind the sound of you flying the nest, brighton is an awful place to be homeless anyway! what do you think?

http://www.bootsjobs.com/
http://www.marksandspencer.com/gp/node/n/43454031
http://www.google.com/search?q=sainburys+jobs&rls=com.microsoft:en-gb:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

Please don't think of running away to london. I live here, and while some people may think of it as some kind of nice, safe haven. It is actually VERY VERY dangerous, unless you live in mayfair. Please, please dont make the mistake of running away to London, If you feel like you need to run away, choose a quieter city, defitnely not manchester, newcastle and london though, big cities = BAD especially for girls.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

loafer

hey, you wont achieve anything by running away, im a realistic kinda guy but honestly you are just going to go back home in the end anyway so, in my opinion anyway - you should wait a bit longer and get together a bit more money before you get away, i mean its not absolutely urgent to get away Now is it? if you plan this properly it could be so much easier than the rough plan you have now, besides it getting properly cold roundabouts 'ere. apply for jobs online at like tescos, m&s, boots sainsburys everywhere does it online these days, and once you get a job in a town, then think about running away cos at least then you have something to run away to!

anyway, what harm will come of waiting longer and using the time to pressure your mum into doing something about your dad, as it sounds like she wont mind the sound of you flying the nest, brighton is an awful place to be homeless anyway! what do you think?

http://www.bootsjobs.com/
http://www.marksandspencer.com/gp/node/n/43454031
http://www.google.com/search?q=sainburys+jobs&rls=com.microsoft:en-gb:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF

You seriously think I've been out of work for two months and not applied to every corperation in England? Thanks anyway, guess you're only trying to help.

Reply 11

Sapphire_Eyes

14

Hey if you do have to live in coventry its a better city to where you are living now and you can go out and work and find work easier in conventry and save up a money easier.

JSA isnt nice but see if they can send you on a course they send you on 6months into new deal. It sucks but you do business admin/retail/hospitality/warehousing and a couple more. Try to learn how to drive it'll take a while but it'll be worth it and give you some independence. Its a horrible situation your in but running away will not help you at all.

Reply 12

837491

16

Anonymous

You seriously think I've been out of work for two months and not applied to every corperation in England? Thanks anyway, guess you're only trying to help.

oh right i thought you meant jobs in that town, you cant be unemployable! have you thought about internet work, like eBay, selling stuff from MMORGs, those work from home scams? i have a friend who makes simple chicken coops and wooden furniture - its really not that difficult and something that has like £20 of wood and materials he will be selling for £60, its time consuming but not difficult work, literally to make a chicken coop its make a simple frame with wood and screws and put some chicken wire on it, £30 please!

i guess you already thought about most things though.

anyway, i still think that youre best course would be to tell one of your friends, i would lend one of my mates my own bed and a ticket to get here if they were in your situation!

as you say, just putting it out there

Reply 13

7Magpies

PLEASE don't go to London.

I've lived here all my life, and if you're homeless it's a horrible place, extremely dangerous. Particularly if you're a girl. My Dad lived rough for a while when he was younger, and he used to tell me about it -it's horrible. Really awful. I know you're desperate, but whatever you do, don't do this, it isn't the solution. If you're gonna run away, you're better staying with somebody you know, inconvienience or not. At least you have a chance of getting a job from there. If you're homeless, you'll find it even more difficult to get a job because employers don't like it and will be less likely to hire you. If you're really set on doing this, at least go to a friend or family member.

I've read how difficult it is for you, but I still really think you need a job. A job = money, independence, time out of the house and a way to get more respect (and hopefully freedom) from your parents. Then you'll be able to pay for your own place -with your own money. As for the supermarkets and stuff -try again. Keep re-applying. You'll get a job in the end. Honestly, I worked at a supermarket, and they used to dump all the CVs in a pile and just skim them off the top when needed. They never even looked at the ones on the bottom. Just 'cos you didn't get a reply the first time doesn't mean you're out-and-out rejected.

Or maby you could apply for an apprenticeship or something? Would that suit you better than college? Then you'll be part-working part-studying, and your parents might help you more because you'll be gaining a qualification into the bargin. Once you have a trade, the world is your oyster. With something like hairdressing or construction working you can go more or less anywhere you want.

I think if you can get something to work at (a job, apprenticeship or whatever) you'll begin to feel a little better. Sitting around at home on the dole with nothing to really do only magnifies problems, and makes you feel even worse.

Reply 14

Mike_P

1

letsdothetimewarpagain

I know what it feels like to have your parents despise you (my mum told my father down the phone i was a waste of space and a bitch, I was sat next to him and heard every word).
x

Sucks to hear that. You will move on soon enough though, just stay cool!

OP:
Some really good advice in this thread.
Seriously re-consider going as a homeless, there are many other things for you. I know it may be easy for me to say it as I'm not in your position, but think through how to go about to get a job just ANYWHERE, which could likewise make you be able to rent your own place. I'm sure when you have done that, your life will look much brighter. Chin up!

Reply 15

saoirse

10

Don't go homeless, your problems will multiply at a terrifying degree if you do.

What exactly are you planning once you have no fixed address? That will rule out loads of jobs, you will be living out of your bag, and thats leaving out the problem of putting yourself in a very risky position.

To get you started in a new life somewhere else could you not apply for even things like collecting glasses in a bar somewhere that includes accom as part of the deal?? At least then you can gradually move into a stronger position, get a better job and then a place of your own and think about retraining part time for something you are interested in when you have got your head cleared a bit.

Reply 16

Anonymous #4

Anon. because the people I "ran away" from Google search my username.

I have no idea how safe it is sleeping on the streets anywhere, so I can't comment on that, but living in a house/flat in London is safe, it's just fear mongering to suggest otherwise. If you don't know London well you should take as much care you would when moving anywhere new though.

Leaving home with no place to go is unwise, but if you do find yourself with nowhere to live you can contact Shelter (they have a useful website too.)

I was in a very similar situation with my parents and the location miles from anywhere, but luckily I have a decent amount of money saved from previous jobs. I told my parents I was going to visit friends in London for a day, came here, looked at the flats I'd arranged to see from Gumtree.com (very useful -- try the short-term lets section) and chose the first one I saw as it was the cheapest and available from that night. I went back to my parents place on the train, then packed my stuff that evening (quietly!) and left their house at about 4:45 and started walking to the nearest village. At 5:00, I realised my bags were too heavy for me to carry them the 1.5miles to the bus stop, so I called a taxi (hooray, 118118!) which took me to the station in the nearest city. I got to London very, very tired but without any other problems.

I haven't got a job yet, but I have enough money saved that this is OK -- I'm waiting for the graduate schemes to take applications, and working out where I'm going to live long-term.

I wouldn't recommend "running away" if you can avoid it; myself I felt I couldn't avoid it. My parents were upset, but then I was unhappy living with them.

If I had my own place I'd offer you the couch, but I haven't sorted one out yet.

By the way, I know a few people who cycled more than 20 miles each way to work every day, so it is possible -- it's tough, but might be a better option than moving out before you've got some money saved?

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Reply 17

Teao the Cat

17

I work for British holidays during the summer, I happen to live next to one of their parks, but many people who work there are living in the caravans- as in they pay reduced rent. Why not try something like that where you were provided with accomodation? I'[m sure there are others, but British holidays has parks all over the place, and its not just jobs as funstars or whatever that are going, which can be hard to get, but bar staff, and shop assistants and stuff like that. Minimum wage, but you get plenty of hours!

Reply 18

llys

17

Why don't you want to try Coventry? Maybe it would be easier to get a job there, and you wouldn't have to live with your parents any more - isn't that exactly what you want?

Reply 19

Kew

16

Anonymous

By the way, I know a few people who cycled more than 20 miles each way to work every day, so it is possible -- it's tough, but might be a better option than moving out before you've got some money saved?

That's a good idea - OP, why not invest in a cheap bicycle so that you have means of getting into town reasonably easily? Then the places you apply to in your nearest town wouldn't have your distance as an excuse to reject your applications.

I'm trapped I have no option but to run away and I'm scared.

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