Boyfriend slept with someone after I broke up with him

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Miatullen
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A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend over something so small but we usually make up and sort things out I honestly just got fed up with him I then tried to piss him off by saying I’m gonna go meet another boy to get a reaction out of him what I got he then went to gavering with his friends and he shagged a girl he told me the next day he said that he didn’t wanna tell me but he felt guiltily and that and that broke me honestly broke me in to tears and I know I was immature by saying I’ll go meet a boy but I didn’t :/ and he went and had sex with some girl and it honestly was so **** my mates all said I need to ditch him and he ain’t right for doing it. But he broke down in tears never seen him this bad he was saying sorry and how he ****ed up the future between us that I was his future that he doesn’t care about life I really honestly need everyone’s opinion what do I do ? Who was wrong
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Miatullen)
A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend over something so small but we usually make up and sort things out I honestly just got fed up with him I then tried to piss him off by saying I’m gonna go meet another boy to get a reaction out of him what I got he then went to gavering with his friends and he shagged a girl he told me the next day he said that he didn’t wanna tell me but he felt guiltily and that and that broke me honestly broke me in to tears and I know I was immature by saying I’ll go meet a boy but I didn’t :/ and he went and had sex with some girl and it honestly was so **** my mates all said I need to ditch him and he ain’t right for doing it. But he broke down in tears never seen him this bad he was saying sorry and how he ****ed up the future between us that I was his future that he doesn’t care about life I really honestly need everyone’s opinion what do I do ? Who was wrong
You’re both in the wrong. You shouldn’t have said something to get a reaction out of him if you weren’t prepared to have that type of reaction.

However, I can’t possibly imagine sleeping with someone else if my boyfriend who I love broke up with me, that wouldn’t be the first thing I’d think of. Ask him why having sex was the first thing he thought of when he got dumped? Why didn’t he sit and talk about the issues?

He didn’t cheat on you, but it is still disrespectful, since it was literally hours after the break up
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Anonymous #2
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I hate it to say it but you’re in the wrong here, he thought you were broken up so he never cheated on you, and you may be shocked that his first reaction was to go sleep with someone else but after a breakup guys try and forget about it by sleeping around to make the feelings numb instead of talking about his emotions, that doesn’t mean he was thinking about cheating on you while you’re together, I honestly don’t know how it’s gonna impact your future you just need to talk about it and maybe don’t start saying stupid **** like that to get a reaction out of someone and the be mad when they react
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You’re both in the wrong. You shouldn’t have said something to get a reaction out of him if you weren’t prepared to have that type of reaction.

However, I can’t possibly imagine sleeping with someone else if my boyfriend who I love broke up with me, that wouldn’t be the first thing I’d think of. Ask him why having sex was the first thing he thought of when he got dumped? Why didn’t he sit and talk about the issues?

He didn’t cheat on you, but it is still disrespectful, since it was literally hours after the break up
That’s the thing with guys, they tend to start a breakup off on a high going crazy by partying and sleeping around instead of talking it out, it’s just how majority of guys deal with a breakup it don’t mean he was planning to cheat on you in a relationship, and they were broken up so he never technically did anything wrong
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V℮rsions
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I mean, if you're gonna say you're getting with someone else it only makes sense that it invokes that emotion in him too, no? If you've broken up, even if only for a day, you're no longer exclusive.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Miatullen)
A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend over something so small but we usually make up and sort things out I honestly just got fed up with him I then tried to piss him off by saying I’m gonna go meet another boy to get a reaction out of him what I got he then went to gavering with his friends and he shagged a girl he told me the next day he said that he didn’t wanna tell me but he felt guiltily and that and that broke me honestly broke me in to tears and I know I was immature by saying I’ll go meet a boy but I didn’t :/ and he went and had sex with some girl and it honestly was so **** my mates all said I need to ditch him and he ain’t right for doing it. But he broke down in tears never seen him this bad he was saying sorry and how he ****ed up the future between us that I was his future that he doesn’t care about life I really honestly need everyone’s opinion what do I do ? Who was wrong
Honestly my current boyfriend did this to his ex and they did not get back together after this, but I scolded the **** out of him for it when he told me about it. It's not ok regardless of the fact that you've "broken" up. But what you did was immature too. You were both inn the wrong and these are both really immature actions.
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Surnia
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You are both in the wrong for poor communication and not trying to sort things out between you.

He's not in the wrong with this other girl as he's not your boyfriend, he's your ex and he can sleep with whoever he wants.

Unless, of course, you live somewhere that has restrictions due to coronavirus and he shouldn't be meeting with friends and having sex. That should stop you getting back with him if he's that immature...
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LovelyMrFox
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So you threaten him and play mind games by "breaking up with him" when you fully intend to get back together, and he hooks up with other girls in spite of your antics..
Sounds like a pretty immature relationship as a whole.
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Marcel Wambui
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(Original post by Miatullen)
A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend over something so small but we usually make up and sort things out I honestly just got fed up with him I then tried to piss him off by saying I’m gonna go meet another boy to get a reaction out of him what I got he then went to gavering with his friends and he shagged a girl he told me the next day he said that he didn’t wanna tell me but he felt guiltily and that and that broke me honestly broke me in to tears and I know I was immature by saying I’ll go meet a boy but I didn’t :/ and he went and had sex with some girl and it honestly was so **** my mates all said I need to ditch him and he ain’t right for doing it. But he broke down in tears never seen him this bad he was saying sorry and how he ****ed up the future between us that I was his future that he doesn’t care about life I really honestly need everyone’s opinion what do I do ? Who was wrong
So....your boyfriend took you at your word with the break-up....and then took you at your word with your threat to go and hookup with somebody else?

As others have said, it all sounds rather immature.....but perhaps the "immaturity" needs analysis.....so if you'll imagine the following being orated by Judge Rinder !!

You've tried to leverage some aspect of your momentary displeasure using the relationship itself and your exclusivity with him as the bargaining chip. Perhaps this has been successful in the past, but that depends what "we usually make up and sort things out".....really means.

On this occasion...it doesn't look like he got the "memo" as it were. The one which would explain that the break-up and the threat were really just coded declarations which were meant to engender some eventual contrition on his part. I don't know, I guess there are easier ways to dominate people, but without marriage, mortgage, kids (and a dog)....there's not really too much to leverage with in the early stages of a relationship....other than the relationship itself.

I think you might have drawn the "whip" far too early here....

Your mates are obviously going to be loyal in recommending that you "ditch" him....although I understood you already had? So what we're talking about here is a "double-ditching" is it not? The problem is....that he did finally return to you with suitable levels of contrition....only it now turned out to be contrition for something important, as opposed to whatever the "so small" thing was that he was originally let go for.

Presumably that's now forgotten amidst the milieu of more recent events?

The way I see it, there are two possibilities here. Either your boyfriend hasn't learned to speak fluent "female/woman" yet....hence he didn't know he was merely being leveraged towards contrition for the "small thing"....or......your boyfriend HAS learned to speak "female/woman" and he hasn't liked what he's heard....so has been forced (or tempted) to actually do something worthy of being broken up with....given that this ruling had already been arrived at.

Is there a way forward?

Yes....absolutely.

An immediate journey into adulthood on both your parts.

No more "petty" leveraging or brinkmanship....and an honest declaration of what you both expect from eachother. Say what you mean....and mean what you say.....and don't jerk eachother round.

Life's too short.
Last edited by Marcel Wambui; 1 month ago
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MidgetFever
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You broke up with him thinking you'd get back together and then deliberately tried to get a reaction out of him by saying you're going off to see someone else. First of all, that's manipulative. Second of all, are you really surprised he went off with someone else after that? I'm sorry to say you're definitely in the wrong.

He isn't much better by not communicating how he was feeling. This isn't a relationship that's going to work if neither of you can communicate.
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Marcel Wambui
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly my current boyfriend did this to his ex and they did not get back together after this, but I scolded the **** out of him for it when he told me about it. It's not ok regardless of the fact that you've "broken" up. But what you did was immature too. You were both inn the wrong and these are both really immature actions.
Just out of interest....for one who holds the above opinion.....how long does either a boyfriend or girlfriend need to remain chaste after you've broken up with them? How do you enforce this? Should something come to light...of "what" should they be accused of....and by whom?....and more crucially I guess...why should they even care?

Surely, a "break-up" is a break-up.....An immediate ending of the exclusivity enjoyed within the relationship, so those who wield it need to be reconciled to the terms and conditions as they're generally understood. I mean, it would be lovely to be suitably mourned by ones ex-BF or GF and gratifying to have them staggering around in sack-cloth and ashes for a spell, but there's also the possibility they might treat your break-up declaration like a starting pistol, and waste very little time getting royally laid by somebody else in the "free-market" who isn't quite as angry or annoyed with them.

My point being...the "break-up" ought not be wielded to try and modify behaviour or encourage contrition. Just like in the adult world, you need to discuss feelings and always try to conduct your affairs with emotional honesty.
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Miatullen
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I appreciate everyone’s opinions on this really helps to hear it from people I’m not close to 💗
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Bio 7
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Sounds like he wasn't interested in getting back together if you were going to be manipulative like that and decided to do something "fun".
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golden_oldie
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(Original post by Miatullen)
A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend over something so small but we usually make up and sort things out I honestly just got fed up with him I then tried to piss him off by saying I’m gonna go meet another boy to get a reaction out of him what I got he then went to gavering with his friends and he shagged a girl he told me the next day he said that he didn’t wanna tell me but he felt guiltily and that and that broke me honestly broke me in to tears and I know I was immature by saying I’ll go meet a boy but I didn’t :/ and he went and had sex with some girl and it honestly was so **** my mates all said I need to ditch him and he ain’t right for doing it. But he broke down in tears never seen him this bad he was saying sorry and how he ****ed up the future between us that I was his future that he doesn’t care about life I really honestly need everyone’s opinion what do I do ? Who was wrong
You were. I really don't know what you expected to happen. "I was immature by saying I'll go meet a boy but I didn't :/ " - how was he meant to know? Truthfully you sound like you'd be better off apart. Co-dependency alarms are ringing like mad.
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sinfonietta
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In that moment he was single so he didn't do anything wrong here.
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Miatullen
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The thing is the reason for me to break up with was drugs he promised he wouldn’t do them so like I think I had a good reason to scare him that I was actually breaking up with me
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Miatullen
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I know what I’ve done and I know it’s really immature to what I’ve done but I didn’t know it would be so easy for him to go ahead and shag another girl just like that ? Like did the relationship not mean anything is it really that it was less then a day he decided to shag someone else where it would of took me a month to even think about speaking to another boy
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Marcel Wambui
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(Original post by Miatullen)
The thing is the reason for me to break up with was drugs he promised he wouldn’t do them so like I think I had a good reason to scare him that I was actually breaking up with me
So drugs was the "something so small" you were attempting to leverage with this break-up?

Bit of a game changer, but assuming that you're a sensible girl and don't want drugs in and around your life, especially where your relationships are concerned, then you'd have been better just finishing with your boyfriend, not as a behavioural gambit, but because you genuinely wanted rid of him for extremely sensible and defensible reasons. It would then be for him go away and work out his own feelings on the subject....but you would have to make it clear that you want nothing whatsoever to do with the drug taking "variant" of him, and that this was not up for any negotiation. If you come to an understanding on this basis, you would then have to make it absolutely clear that "one strike" (not three) is all he gets, which leaves the ball very much in his court does it not? Let him play you on this issue and he'll continue to do so until you end up pulling the plug on him much further down the line, perhaps when things have become far more complicated...(were you both to conceive a child for example...)

I'm not uttering a judgement about drug use here, but I do know that those who are utterly clear about not wanting drug use in and around their life really do have to have a zero tolerance policy in place, and they also have to enforce this in such a way that the people around them are in no doubt whatsoever about there being any "wiggle room" with this.

His post "break-up" infidelity now becomes virtually impossible to assess from the perspective of somebody in tune with their own emotional faculties....because drug-use can totally cloud and interfere with such things as they would otherwise occur.

Either way, it's unlikely that you're getting the "real him"......but that doesn't mean for one moment that you should be anything less than the "real you" when dealing with him...because whatever the outcome...you will be the one who comes away with no regrets and a clear conscience. In years to come, it will be HE who may have to spend time on the psychiatrist's couch, unpicking his decisions and evaluating certain things.....but that won't be you're fault....just for taking a strong stance against his drug use.

In summary...(along with your update) it now looks like you've attempted to "bargain" with him rather than just drawing a very clear line in the sand. If you have affection for him, then this is understandable.....but as you've probably now realised, he's far too emotionally weak and fickle to be bargained with and YOU are the one whose ended up being (understandably) hurt by this.
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RealLifeJoker
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He’s a c***
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Anonymous #4
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u we’re looking for a reaction u got it what else do u expect beg u men ain’t like that
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