Writing A-Level essay?

I need advice on how to write a nice detailed essay. From teacher feedback so far, I have really good points, then evidence, but I struggle to really expand and talk about the effect of the evidence - I only tend to provide a basis rather than a detailed explanation. This puts me between the border of a C/D grade. I really want to be around a B/C and I need advice.

Do you mind me asking what subject(s) this is for?
I took English Literature, Sociology and Psychology last year and achieved A*AA and I'd be happy to help

English Literature

hey, do you reckon you could send me some of the A-grade essays that you have done for sociology? Learning from top examplers really helps me with revision and seeing where to pick up marks in.

I'm sorry this took me a while to get back to - as far as analysis of evidence goes for English lit, I normally try and remember to identify the feature you've highlighted with your evidence (whatever techniques are being used by a writer), then explain what effect that has on the section you've pulled it from, and then on the piece as a whole. Detailed analysis can be challenging as you can sometimes feel like you're repeating yourself, but at the end of the day, all it is is showing how your evidence proves your point. Here's an example of a paragraph I wrote for a mock exam last year:
In response to the question 'Explore the significance of organised religion in the work of two authors that you have studied. Remember to include in your answer relevant detailed exploration of the authors’ methods.'
"""" ‘The Kite Runner’ overtly challenges this reading, arguing that the cruelty justified by organised religion has stemmed from the wrongdoings of mankind. Farid, representing the voice of an ordinary Afghan citizen, responds to the stoning of the adulterers saying “and they call themselves Muslims”, actively criticising the misinterpretation of the Koran to fuel the egoistic brutality of members of the Taliban. For the Western readers of the novel, Hosseini puts forward a radical voice to challenge the typical stereotypes of Islamic people following the 9/11 attacks, which were particularly prevalent in the US at the time. The jumble of non-Islamic images used to depict Assef during the reader’s first encounter with him as an adult depict religious extremism as a universal human problem. Assef explains to Amir how he came about joining the Taliban, since he was not particularly religious in his youth, describing being beaten while in prison when the guard “kicked [him] on the right kidney and the [kidney stone] passed”. This is the event he interprets to mean he had received a “message from God” rather than simply a rush of endorphins from being relieved of his pain, and this current of violence leading to religious epiphany is the root of Assef’s justification of his inhumane torture. The notion of the brutality enacted by Assef and other members of the Taliban could be justified by them being sent on a “mission” from God was so abhorrent he uncontrollably risked his own life and that of Sohrab’s to fight it, questioning his “mission” by “unexpectedly”, asking “What mission is that? … Stoning adulterers? Raping children? … in the name of Islam?”. ‘The Kite Runner’ also presents Ali as a model of the true, pious Muslim. In Hassan and Ali’s shack, “the walls stood bare, save for a single tapestry … forming the words Allah-u-akbar”. Ali normalises this phrase for the Western reader, ridding it of the previous connotations with Islamic extremism. Ali demonstrates to the reader that religion can give an individual the strength to be patient and loving within a relatively bad environment, but aids the conclusion that the intervention of mankind within religion, converting it into organised religion, is what allows for the perversion of the true values of that faith. """""