annabel_39
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hi to anyone reading this,

my dad and i have a strained relationship, quite little trust and we’re not that close. most of the time we get along well, he’s funny so were laughing around and stuff in the evenings watching tv.

but some days he’s like a different person, i’m not talking about bipolar disorder it’s just like he has these days where he’s in such a foul mood and awful temper. he also comments a lot on my diet and exercise, but to a controlling extent. instead of suggesting i go on a walk, he tells me i need to or i’ll die before the age of 30. i’m actually healthy, i’m only 17 and got a perfectly average bmi so i don’t know where these comments can be coming from. i would go as far to say it’s him controlling my body and my lifestyle

he also stands outside my room silently and listens to conversations i have on the phone with friends. about 1hr ago, he heard me telling my friend i’m mstruggling with online school and he decided to make a nasty remark. he said this from the other side of my bedroom door, he’d been standing there for god knows how long, listening.

he can be very menacing on those days where he’s in a nasty mood. he growl-talks when he’s angry, swears a lot and gives the most terrifying death stares.

is this all normal behaviour? i have much more to say but i don’t want to bore everyone.. and it’s already long enough!

before anyone asks, i do have siblings- two younger brothers. one is 8, the other is 13.
my mum and i get on well, but still not particularly close comparing to my friends and their parents
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Hello, I have experience with a parent who was quite abusive. Firstly, I am really sorry to hear that your relationship is this way with your dad, it is not your fault.
The behaviour your Dad is subjecting to you is not healthy, have you spoke to anyone about this?
The best thing I ever did was to get a councillor who helped me to work out ways to deal with the situation while I lived at home, as well as who to turn to.
If you could contact your college/sixth form they are likely to have counsellors to talk you through it.
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emj.j
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(Original post by annabel_39)
hi to anyone reading this,

my dad and i have a strained relationship, quite little trust and we’re not that close. most of the time we get along well, he’s funny so were laughing around and stuff in the evenings watching tv.

but some days he’s like a different person, i’m not talking about bipolar disorder it’s just like he has these days where he’s in such a foul mood and awful temper. he also comments a lot on my diet and exercise, but to a controlling extent. instead of suggesting i go on a walk, he tells me i need to or i’ll die before the age of 30. i’m actually healthy, i’m only 17 and got a perfectly average bmi so i don’t know where these comments can be coming from. i would go as far to say it’s him controlling my body and my lifestyle

he also stands outside my room silently and listens to conversations i have on the phone with friends. about 1hr ago, he heard me telling my friend i’m mstruggling with online school and he decided to make a nasty remark. he said this from the other side of my bedroom door, he’d been standing there for god knows how long, listening.

he can be very menacing on those days where he’s in a nasty mood. he growl-talks when he’s angry, swears a lot and gives the most terrifying death stares.

is this all normal behaviour? i have much more to say but i don’t want to bore everyone.. and it’s already long enough!

before anyone asks, i do have siblings- two younger brothers. one is 8, the other is 13.
my mum and i get on well, but still not particularly close comparing to my friends and their parents
Hi there. First off, I'm sorry that you have to go through stuff like that. I know, it can be infuriating. What he's doing isn't right, and it's not your fault. I'd say just try and steer clear of him as much as possible. With lockdown, it's not easy, but it is possible. Just keep yourself occupied with some reading or something like that. Hope it helps! xx
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annabel_39
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(Original post by emj.j)
Hi there. First off, I'm sorry that you have to go through stuff like that. I know, it can be infuriating. What he's doing isn't right, and it's not your fault. I'd say just try and steer clear of him as much as possible. With lockdown, it's not easy, but it is possible. Just keep yourself occupied with some reading or something like that. Hope it helps! xx
thank you so much for replying, i definitely do try to keep my distance from him wherever possible! i know in my heart it’s not right but because he’s always been like this it feels normal? i’m so conflicted. thank you for the advice, i already do try and distract myself and doing some colouring or reading definitely helps! xxx
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annabel_39
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hello, I have experience with a parent who was quite abusive. Firstly, I am really sorry to hear that your relationship is this way with your dad, it is not your fault.
The behaviour your Dad is subjecting to you is not healthy, have you spoke to anyone about this?
The best thing I ever did was to get a councillor who helped me to work out ways to deal with the situation while I lived at home, as well as who to turn to.
If you could contact your college/sixth form they are likely to have counsellors to talk you through it.
hiya, thank you so much for replying! i’m sorry to hear you’ve had such an awful experience with a parent, abuse from the people we look up to is the worst thing to go through. with my dad,
it’s never physical abuse but lots of verbal. i haven’t spoken to anyone about it apart from close friends, my mum knows what things are like but she struggles with him too..

my sixth form won’t help unfortunately, i have friends who have gone with similar things and they’ve just made it worse by getting parents involved etc. i would think about talking to someone but i get worried that my problems aren’t big enough .. it’s tricky! x
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emj.j
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(Original post by annabel_39)
thank you so much for replying, i definitely do try to keep my distance from him wherever possible! i know in my heart it’s not right but because he’s always been like this it feels normal? i’m so conflicted. thank you for the advice, i already do try and distract myself and doing some colouring or reading definitely helps! xxx
aw, anytime! yeah, i know the feeling. don't you worry, i'm sure things will get better soon. sending love xx
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(Original post by annabel_39)
hiya, thank you so much for replying! i’m sorry to hear you’ve had such an awful experience with a parent, abuse from the people we look up to is the worst thing to go through. with my dad,
it’s never physical abuse but lots of verbal. i haven’t spoken to anyone about it apart from close friends, my mum knows what things are like but she struggles with him too..

my sixth form won’t help unfortunately, i have friends who have gone with similar things and they’ve just made it worse by getting parents involved etc. i would think about talking to someone but i get worried that my problems aren’t big enough .. it’s tricky! x
Just because it's not physical abuse doesnt mean that it is not a form of abuse. I genuinely thought what my Mum did was nothing, she displayed similar traits to your Dad, and turns out my school took it extremely seriously and saw it as a form of psychological abuse. If you are having to write on a thread, or googling what you can do, it's already gone past the point where it's normal. Have you talked to your Sixth Form? Seems odd they wouldnt take something like that further?
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