How Do I Stop Comparing Myself To Others?

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valenctine
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Hi,

I’m currently a year 11 gcse student and literally dreading going to sixth form next year purely because of how much I compare myself to others, ending up in a constant unbearable cycle of being unable to begin work, finish work, and feel that it’s good. I feel inadequate against my classmates and friends, that I am the dumbest one amongst my peers. I want so badly to do well in sixth form and have dreams of what I want to do in life, however, I feel as if I go to sixth form with this burden weighing me down I will be unable to succeed. I’m scared that my teachers will view my work as terrible and see me as the dullest in the class. Sometimes, it’s like I physically cannot write or complete anything because I’m terrified that the outcome will confirm my worries of my work being terrible. I don’t deem myself as smart, nor stupid in all honesty, i just want to overcome this and have confidence in myself but I don’t know where to begin. My insecurity manifests itself into a horrible jealousy where I don’t want my closest friends to succeed, and their achievements make me feel bitter. I hate feeling like that because normally I always uplift my friends and wish them the best. Please offer advice or share if you feel like this too. I feel like I’m the only one
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Anonymous #1
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Smart people were not always smart. They work hard everyday, even when they don't feel like it. Not bragging I used to be the dumbest in my class and now I'm within the top 5% of the whole year group. First of all, you need to believe in yourself and secondly, you can't just become the smartest in your class without studying. Compete against yourself not others.
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idkanymoretbh
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(Original post by valenctine)
Hi,

I’m currently a year 11 gcse student and literally dreading going to sixth form next year purely because of how much I compare myself to others, ending up in a constant unbearable cycle of being unable to begin work, finish work, and feel that it’s good. I feel inadequate against my classmates and friends, that I am the dumbest one amongst my peers. I want so badly to do well in sixth form and have dreams of what I want to do in life, however, I feel as if I go to sixth form with this burden weighing me down I will be unable to succeed. I’m scared that my teachers will view my work as terrible and see me as the dullest in the class. Sometimes, it’s like I physically cannot write or complete anything because I’m terrified that the outcome will confirm my worries of my work being terrible. I don’t deem myself as smart, nor stupid in all honesty, i just want to overcome this and have confidence in myself but I don’t know where to begin. My insecurity manifests itself into a horrible jealousy where I don’t want my closest friends to succeed, and their achievements make me feel bitter. I hate feeling like that because normally I always uplift my friends and wish them the best. Please offer advice or share if you feel like this too. I feel like I’m the only one
everyone has strengths and weaknesses. just because you may not do good at one thing and someone does, doesn't mean anything. all that means is that you are being shown something that you can improve on, if you wish to. Try to learn what you want to succeed at doing, and then start pushing yourself towards doing that goal. If you start to lose motivation, then you can use the people around you to help push yourself. sadly only u can give urself confidence/self esteem, but just take sometime to figure things out. don't push urself in a sense where its becoming mentally draining/harming. everyones achievements in life will be different, so just because you don't succeed in one thing, doesn't mean that you aren't smart. U got this and I wish the best of luck!
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Aethomson
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(Original post by valenctine)
Hi,

I’m currently a year 11 gcse student and literally dreading going to sixth form next year purely because of how much I compare myself to others, ending up in a constant unbearable cycle of being unable to begin work, finish work, and feel that it’s good. I feel inadequate against my classmates and friends, that I am the dumbest one amongst my peers. I want so badly to do well in sixth form and have dreams of what I want to do in life, however, I feel as if I go to sixth form with this burden weighing me down I will be unable to succeed. I’m scared that my teachers will view my work as terrible and see me as the dullest in the class. Sometimes, it’s like I physically cannot write or complete anything because I’m terrified that the outcome will confirm my worries of my work being terrible. I don’t deem myself as smart, nor stupid in all honesty, i just want to overcome this and have confidence in myself but I don’t know where to begin. My insecurity manifests itself into a horrible jealousy where I don’t want my closest friends to succeed, and their achievements make me feel bitter. I hate feeling like that because normally I always uplift my friends and wish them the best. Please offer advice or share if you feel like this too. I feel like I’m the only one
As someone that achieves As in sixth form, I can honestly say that you do not need to be ‘naturally smart’ to get these kinds of grades. I always feel like every piece of work I’m going to hand in will get a big fat F but I always do better than I think I will! We are our own worst enemies and you need to remember you will always be your harshest critic! As long as you put in the work you will be fine, you can even form little study groups when you go to college so that you can share ideas and see what level you are at compared to your peers and you will most likely find that you are on target!!
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888ayg
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(Original post by valenctine)
Hi,

I’m currently a year 11 gcse student and literally dreading going to sixth form next year purely because of how much I compare myself to others, ending up in a constant unbearable cycle of being unable to begin work, finish work, and feel that it’s good. I feel inadequate against my classmates and friends, that I am the dumbest one amongst my peers. I want so badly to do well in sixth form and have dreams of what I want to do in life, however, I feel as if I go to sixth form with this burden weighing me down I will be unable to succeed. I’m scared that my teachers will view my work as terrible and see me as the dullest in the class. Sometimes, it’s like I physically cannot write or complete anything because I’m terrified that the outcome will confirm my worries of my work being terrible. I don’t deem myself as smart, nor stupid in all honesty, i just want to overcome this and have confidence in myself but I don’t know where to begin. My insecurity manifests itself into a horrible jealousy where I don’t want my closest friends to succeed, and their achievements make me feel bitter. I hate feeling like that because normally I always uplift my friends and wish them the best. Please offer advice or share if you feel like this too. I feel like I’m the only one
Hi there, I'm currently a year 12 student studying biology, chemistry and english language with predicted AAB for end of year..keep in mind I got 5s, 4s and 3s at GCSE so I couldn't even do my first choice alevel courses the same year as my friends. Comparing yourself to your peers is normal and honestly speaking I still do (but don't beat yourself down too much)..but even the smartest student in your year has academic insecurities.
As Dalai Lama said himself "Be careful of your thoughts, they become your words. Be careful of your words, they become your actions. Be careful of your actions, they become your character. Be careful of your character, it becomes your destiny."

As for your dreams, if you really want them just go get them but only if you are willing to take on the emotional hardships, the self-pity, the odd bad grade, etc.. nothing worth having in life comes easy. Also, don't listen to your teachers when they tell you to consider a different degree our various courses you have no passion for..it's easy to get misled lol trust me I ignored all the "maybe dentistry isn't your capability" and landed myself on two of the hardest alevel courses and scored myself AAB. Success is hard, but it's worth nothing if you never try.
I really recommend unfollowing any social media accounts that won't do your mentality any justice, find student union accounts for the subject area you're interested in for example, dental schools have lots of accounts "kcldentalunion" or something like that..I chat with lots of students from there and of course others and it helped me go from the bottom to the top. Imo current students are the best people to go to because they know the hardship of competitive courses better than some random boomer on the internet with no degree.

I hope this was of help to you! Don't give up, you'll get to your destination as long as you try Good luck!!
Last edited by 888ayg; 1 month ago
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valenctine
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(Original post by 888ayg)
Hi there, I'm currently a year 12 student studying biology, chemistry and english language with predicted AAB for end of year..keep in mind I got 5s, 4s and 3s at GCSE so I couldn't even do my first choice alevel courses the same year as my friends. Comparing yourself to your peers is normal and honestly speaking I still do (but don't beat yourself down too much)..but even the smartest student in your year has academic insecurities.
As Dalai Lama said himself "Be careful of your thoughts, they become your words. Be careful of your words, they become your actions. Be careful of your actions, they become your character. Be careful of your character, it becomes your destiny."

As for your dreams, if you really want them just go get them but only if you are willing to take on the emotional hardships, the self-pity, the odd bad grade, etc.. nothing worth having in life comes easy. Also, don't listen to your teachers when they tell you to consider a different degree our various courses you have no passion for..it's easy to get misled lol trust me I ignored all the "maybe dentistry isn't your capability" and landed myself on two of the hardest alevel courses and scored myself AAB. Success is hard, but it's worth nothing if you never try.
I really recommend unfollowing any social media accounts that won't do your mentality any justice, find student union accounts for the subject area you're interested in for example, dental schools have lots of accounts "kcldentalunion" or something like that..I chat with lots of students from there and of course others and it helped me go from the bottom to the top. Imo current students are the best people to go to because they know the hardship of competitive courses better than some random boomer on the internet with no degree.

I hope this was of help to you! Don't give up, you'll get to your destination as long as you try Good luck!!
This response is truly beautiful thank you.

All of your advice is so needed and helpful I honestly keep on reading it. I’m so happy that you perused what YOU wanted to do, and I wish you all the luck in reaching your dreams. The deli lama quote spoke to me and has definitely made me realise some things... I never use social media because of how it affects me mentally, but I feel like I want to cut my friends off which is horrible purely because of how I feel. I’m realising that they aren’t the problem... I will definitely join some unions and talk to some people from there!!

Thank you again. Wishing you the best : )
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valenctine
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(Original post by Aethomson)
As someone that achieves As in sixth form, I can honestly say that you do not need to be ‘naturally smart’ to get these kinds of grades. I always feel like every piece of work I’m going to hand in will get a big fat F but I always do better than I think I will! We are our own worst enemies and you need to remember you will always be your harshest critic! As long as you put in the work you will be fine, you can even form little study groups when you go to college so that you can share ideas and see what level you are at compared to your peers and you will most likely find that you are on target!!
Thank you for taking the time to respond it means a lot. The advice is so helpful and yes, sadly we are our own critics finding it hard to give ourselves a break. I want to get out of this mindset so bad... I hope I do. Wishing you the best
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valenctine
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(Original post by idkanymoretbh)
everyone has strengths and weaknesses. just because you may not do good at one thing and someone does, doesn't mean anything. all that means is that you are being shown something that you can improve on, if you wish to. Try to learn what you want to succeed at doing, and then start pushing yourself towards doing that goal. If you start to lose motivation, then you can use the people around you to help push yourself. sadly only u can give urself confidence/self esteem, but just take sometime to figure things out. don't push urself in a sense where its becoming mentally draining/harming. everyones achievements in life will be different, so just because you don't succeed in one thing, doesn't mean that you aren't smart. U got this and I wish the best of luck!
Hi I appreciate your response so much. Thank you immensely. I will definitely try to spot my strengths and apply them. I wish you the best too
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StriderHort
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There's really little point in comparing to others, as you will never see the full picture, you'll only focus on the surface things that match how you feel 'I wish I had.. I wish I could..' ect Everyone's life is a mixture of compromises, passions and sacrifices day to do. You'll NEVER have a really stable point to compare too.
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888ayg
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Why thank you very much, I hope you put that quote onto a post-it-note and stick it right in front of your desk so you never forget it. We all start somewhere.
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Anonymous #2
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I'm 26 and am at that quarter life crisis stage where its easy to look at others my age and what they're up to
26 is very polarising you've got folk who live at home and barely progressed while other folk are married, kids and high profile job what i found is that there is no point in comparing yourself with others, but you should compare yourself to who you were yesterday
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