The Student Room Group

Not knowing what to do

So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now. At the start it was great, I was so happy and so secure. But something’s changed. You know that lingering feeling that somethings wrong but you can’t quite call what it is. I’ve had that for ages. I feel like I’ve realised what it is. I feel like I’m not as in love and as attracted to him as I once was. He’s a lovely guy but I constantly feel like he doesn’t care the same way he used to. I keep thinking about that line in somebody else by the 1975 which is like ‘i don’t want your body but I’m picturing your body with somebody else’ I feel like I’m only with him now because I’m scared my happiness is reliant on this relationship and that I’ll be broken without it. I’m so lost on what to do. I don’t want to break up with him but I also don’t want to stay with him. I just don’t know whether the right thing to do is to stick with it and maybe the change in lockdown restrictions will make it easer or to call it quits xx
Reply 1
this is a really tricky situation. on the one hand, if you're not happy more often than you are happy, i'd usually say leave it. but, these are extraordinary circumstances, so maybe wait it out until you can see each other in person again and see if you feel any differently.

maybe you could see him for a walk or something?
What's important is that you communicate. Why do you feel he's been less caring/showing less affection? Has the honeymoon period ended and you're beginning to see him for who he is, or vice versa? Sometimes it's the case where feelings die down with no reason. If these are the ways that you feel, this is something you need to talk to him about.
If it's the fear of being alone that is keeping you in the relationship: it is not healthy nor sustainable for your wellbeing to keep it going.
(edited 3 years ago)
Reply 3
Original post by etohin
this is a really tricky situation. on the one hand, if you're not happy more often than you are happy, i'd usually say leave it. but, these are extraordinary circumstances, so maybe wait it out until you can see each other in person again and see if you feel any differently.

maybe you could see him for a walk or something?


Yeah I could but I’m just worried that it’s just lockdown stress that’s affecting the way I think things are. But on the other hand it’s so tiring going back and forth between loving someone and not, thanks for the advice it’s genuinely so helpful xx
Reply 4
Original post by JustHereToRead
What's important is that you communicate. Why do you feel he's been less caring/showing less affection? Has the honeymoon period ended and you're beginning to see him for who he is, or vice versa? Sometimes it's the case where feelings die down with no reason. If these are the ways that you feel, this is something you need to talk to him about.
If it's the fear of being alone that is keeping you in the relationship: it is not healthy nor sustainable for your wellbeing to keep it going.


I think it’s a mix of both. We broke up for a few days after a month of dating and I just remember how broken I was and I’ll think about it, decide that I need a break or something, meet him and fall completely in love again only to fall out of it a couple days later, it’s really taxing to do. Thanks for the help xx
you simply lost interest
also a relationship isn't only about romane btw
A lot of us have been there. Imagine it like a drug withdrawal, you know it's bad for you but your brain craves the dopamine, in your instance it's him. But what's important is to understand what is rational- you may feel that being away from him for a long period of time means that you love him, which I'm very sure you do, but hold on to that moment where you had all the information needed to initiate the breakup. Time heals, but don't let nostalgia take over your rational thinking.Going to sound harsh but if your only happiness is coming from this person, maybe it's worth putting yourself in a better mental state? Partake in something you know you're good in, focus more on studies or work. Make something for yourself.
Reply 7
Original post by JustHereToRead
A lot of us have been there. Imagine it like a drug withdrawal, you know it's bad for you but your brain craves the dopamine, in your instance it's him. But what's important is to understand what is rational- you may feel that being away from him for a long period of time means that you love him, which I'm very sure you do, but hold on to that moment where you had all the information needed to initiate the breakup. Time heals, but don't let nostalgia take over your rational thinking.Going to sound harsh but if your only happiness is coming from this person, maybe it's worth putting yourself in a better mental state? Partake in something you know you're good in, focus more on studies or work. Make something for yourself.


It definitely feels like that which is kinda scary, the only annoying thing is time apart actually makes me feel worse about us, sometimes when we’re together i kinda forget about all the **** and forget about all the stress, I’m so torn xx

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