My housemates boyfriend has moved in and won’t leave no matter what

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scouserr1234
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So I (22M) decided to get a house with my one female friend and two of her friends whom I’d briefly met once or twice, they seemed nice enough so I thought it would be fine. Honestly, my line of thinking was if I get a house with all girls they’d invite their friends over whom I can easily talk to.

The tenancy of the house started in July, everyone had already moved in then, I moved in September when uni was about to begin. I quickly realised that the situation was not what I thought it was going to be, my friend, the only person I properly knew in the house was going to be living back home, one of the housemates was just an all round toxic person to be around and would be messy, luckily she would stay at her bfs most of the time but the real problem came from the other housemate, her bf had already moved in and had been staying in the house since July.

I was pissed as they can’t expect me to live with someone I hadn’t even met before, wasn’t even consulted if it’s okay for him to move in and worst doesn’t contribute to rent or utilities in the house. He isn’t a student, doesn’t have a job, does his laundry here, showers here, cooks here, takes fridge and freezer space. If you’re at least going to live here you have to be like a ghost.

But my really issue is with his personality traits, he has the cheek to tell me not to invite my friends for drinks before he’s met them first, they don’t invite anyone over because they literally have zero friends so when I do invite people over they always try to leech. He has his Xbox setup using my living room coffee table, the both of them together are incredibly lazy and don’t do their pots for weeks, he leaves his shoes, clothes and washing in the living room, it’s a small house so it’s very much noticeable.

I told them I was unhappy with these things but my housemate blatantly said he wasn’t leaving, it annoys me that I have to work crazy shifts to make rent while this random person is playing his Xbox in my living when I get back. I honestly wouldn’t have minded him staying if he actually a good personality but they’re both just seriously inconsiderate and boring people.

I went to my letting agent a month ago, they’ve been on the phone with her multiple times but say they can’t do visits due to COVID. All of that house have turned against me now and keep sending me abuse over text, including me friend, if she actually lived in the house she’d realise how inconsiderate the other housemate was. I’ve moved back home for my own sanity. It annoys me that I’ve had a to flee my own house but he’s there. I gave him the option to take over my tenancy but he refused coz he’s an absolute freeloader.

My head is a bit screwed right now and I’m not able to rationalise things, I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable. Any guidance would be much appreciated. Thanks.
Last edited by scouserr1234; 1 month ago
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gandalfslipper
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I mean realistically all you can do is keep pestering the agency. Email them every day or so? And the land Lord if you can.

You might force them to visit, estate agents are working during COVID so providing precautions are taken in not sure why they can’t pop around.

Maybe keep a diary of evidence of days staying there..

This is also an issue with moving in with people sadly (dishes not cleaned.. etc) that’s just life experience building. I understand your frustrations but sometimes you have to live with people you don’t like & such.

Note - check your rental agreement. They might not be technically breaching anything, so just double check.
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fallen_acorns
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Get out of the contract if you can- let them pay for it all on their own if they want to act that way and you can find somewhere better to live.

If that’s not possible, threaten the landlord/letting agency with legal action if they don’t enforce your tenancy contract, which presumably says no non residents can move in permanently. Document with pictures if you need proof.

I agree with you, I don’t mind people’s partners moving in if they contribute and don’t cause trouble, but otherwise exert your rights because the law is on your side.
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scouserr1234
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(Original post by gandalfslipper)
I mean realistically all you can do is keep pestering the agency. Email them every day or so? And the land Lord if you can.

You might force them to visit, estate agents are working during COVID so providing precautions are taken in not sure why they can’t pop around.

Maybe keep a diary of evidence of days staying there..

This is also an issue with moving in with people sadly (dishes not cleaned.. etc) that’s just life experience building. I understand your frustrations but sometimes you have to live with people you don’t like & such.

Note - check your rental agreement. They might not be technically breaching anything, so just double check.
Yup! That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, been emailing them every day, they did do one visit a few weeks ago about as soon as the cost was complete, the bf moved back in. And yeah they are breaking the tenancy agreement, the letting agents know that but say they have to follow covid protocol or whatever to visit.
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StriderHort
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I'd have called the police pretty early in this situation

"Leave my home"
"lol, no"
"Ok, hello Police? strange armed man refusing to leave my home, why yes, he does keep shouting he's not afraid of dogs, no matter how many there are."

Job done,
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MidgetFever
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Does he pay rent/bills? If not point this out to the girl

If he does, is he on the contract? If he isn't then it's essentially subletting, which most landlords won't allow

I'd suggest discussing this with your friend.
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scouserr1234
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(Original post by StriderHort)
I'd have called the police pretty early in this situation

"Leave my home"
"lol, no"
"Ok, hello Police? strange armed man refusing to leave my home, why yes, he does keep shouting he's not afraid of dogs, no matter how many there are."

Job done,
I did consider option but my university advised me against it as it wasn’t per say criminal activity. Thanks for your response!
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scouserr1234
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(Original post by MidgetFever)
Does he pay rent/bills? If not point this out to the girl

If he does, is he on the contract? If he isn't then it's essentially subletting, which most landlords won't allow

I'd suggest discussing this with your friend.
That’s the real issue, he doesn’t contribute to rent or bills, I’ve told her this but she’s just been petty and brushed it off. He’s still in the house despite being phoned in by my letting agent to leave over a month ago. Very stubborn people.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by scouserr1234)
I did consider option but my university advised me against it as it wasn’t per say criminal activity. Thanks for your response!
What did the uni suggest?

My second choice would be to move out and tell the LL and group to go screw themselves, maybe in a nicer tone, maybe not.

By the sound of it the atmosphere is toxic now anyway? I'd more or less tell the landlord you have to leave as the property isn't safe as aggressive strangers are moving in and refuse to leave. (which they have not remedied) If they're explaining they 'can't visit due to covid, then you 'can't' accept forced visits from aggressive strangers mid lockdown.

It's generally a scorched earth approach, but the alternative seems to be living in an unsafe ripoff flat with people you don't get on with. I'd maybe give the landlord a written or emailed ultimatum to get this guy out your home within 48 hours or you'll consider them to have abandoned their duty of care as landlord. I'd say that puts you in a reasonable position to abandon the lease. (others may reasonably dispute this)
Last edited by StriderHort; 1 month ago
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scouserr1234
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(Original post by StriderHort)
What did the uni suggest?

My second choice would be to move out and tell the LL and group to go screw themselves, maybe in a nicer tone, maybe not.

By the sound of it the atmosphere is toxic now anyway? I'd more or less tell the landlord you have to leave as the property isn't safe as aggressive strangers are moving in and refuse to leave. (which they have not remedied) If they're explaining they 'can't visit due to covid, then you 'can't' accept forced visits from aggressive strangers mid lockdown.

It's generally a scorched earth approach, but the alternative seems to be living in an unsafe ripoff flat with people you don't get on with. I'd maybe give the landlord a written or emailed ultimatum to get this guy out your home within 48 hours or you'll consider them to have abandoned their duty of care as landlord. I'd say that puts you in a reasonable position to abandon the lease. (others may reasonably dispute this)
The university advised me to keep perstering my letting agent until they keep up their end of the tenancy agreement. Thankfully, I have just found out that they are doing a visit next week, hopefully, this should mean the bf gets proactively kicked out! You're right, the relations are quite somber and I am considering getting a legal opinion on whether I can legally get out of the agreement (according to my letting agent I cannot). If there is ni resolution from the landlord visit next week, I would definitely pursue a more pressing approach and get him to uphold his obligation as LL.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by scouserr1234)
The university advised me to keep perstering my letting agent until they keep up their end of the tenancy agreement. Thankfully, I have just found out that they are doing a visit next week, hopefully, this should mean the bf gets proactively kicked out! You're right, the relations are quite somber and I am considering getting a legal opinion on whether I can legally get out of the agreement (according to my letting agent I cannot). If there is ni resolution from the landlord visit next week, I would definitely pursue a more pressing approach and get him to uphold his obligation as LL.
Good that they're taking some action. You need to wonder why they 'couldn't before and 'can' now :rolleyes: tbh my general worry would be that the interloper will make himself scarce for that day and that day only, so the visit might not accomplish much beyond a lecture to the other flatmate. You might not get the triumphant "You don't live here and you're bothering a tenant, get out" moment.

Throwing ultimatums and effectively rent strikes/moving out at landlords isn't something to do lightly, at the least you need to exhaust all other reasonable methods and ideally keep it in written/printed proof. I'm not about to say it can't be legally dodgy, but i've rented private flats for near 20 years and there's been a few times where i've really had no choice for the sake of my mental and physical health but to tell a landlord that they either immediately sort things or i'm off. tbh i've found many landlords suddenly helpful when it's made clear you've called their bluff.
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henry1999
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(Original post by StriderHort)
I'd have called the police pretty early in this situation

"Leave my home"
"lol, no"
"Ok, hello Police? strange armed man refusing to leave my home, why yes, he does keep shouting he's not afraid of dogs, no matter how many there are."

Job done,
That will not work. As soon as it becomes apparent to the police that he is staying there with the permission of one of the residents they will explain they cannot intervene. This is a civil matter that is out of the police's jurisdiction.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by henry1999)
That will not work. As soon as it becomes apparent to the police that he is staying there with the permission of one of the residents they will explain they cannot intervene. This is a civil matter that is out of the police's jurisdiction.
True, lousy laws, that's why I contrived to create a situation where they just barge in and wallop them This is not genuinely advised though, I just hadn't had any coffee at that point.

I have used the police in that manner once before, but the person in question was genuinely kicking off with a knife so it was quite reasonable to have them walloped and dragged off, tenant or no tenant.
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henry1999
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(Original post by scouserr1234)
The university advised me to keep perstering my letting agent until they keep up their end of the tenancy agreement. Thankfully, I have just found out that they are doing a visit next week, hopefully, this should mean the bf gets proactively kicked out! You're right, the relations are quite somber and I am considering getting a legal opinion on whether I can legally get out of the agreement (according to my letting agent I cannot). If there is ni resolution from the landlord visit next week, I would definitely pursue a more pressing approach and get him to uphold his obligation as LL.
I find it very difficult to believe that you cannot get out of this rental agreement given the current situation. It's possible but very improbable that the contract has not been breached.

This is what I would do at this stage: now you've tried being civil with the estate agent I would change your tone and approach. I'd begin by going through the terms of your lease and highlighting every term that has been breached, making a note of the nature of the breach. Write this information up in a very matter of fact and formal email to your estate agent, directly quoting the breached terms. Essentially, you overwhelm them with facts outlining that you understand that you can leave this contract and know how to.

This last part of this is very important. Estate agents here the 'I'm going to sue you' line all the time, it's far more impactful to write like you're going to sue them than to say you're going to: a) it's more impactful when they realise it for themselves b) if you don't sue them then you don't lose rapport.

I would also summarise that email with a deadline with an associated reason for that deadline (e.g. I need this problem rectified by the 8th February because I have a summative issued then), if you don't have a reason then make one up- continually reiterate this deadline in follow up emails. This will create a sense of pressure.

Finally, but most importantly, finish with a line like 'How do you advise we proceed?'. This strokes their intrinsic desire for control whilst prompting them to solve your problem for you.

I think if you take this approach and generally you're a bit tougher with the estate agent than you have been so far, the issue will solve itself. Their ideal scenario is one in which you just shoulder the inconvenience of this situation but if you remove that option and make it clear you're pursuing legal action they have to choose between court or letting go of one tenant. They will choose the latter 100% of the time. The goal of the above is to remove the first option whilst suggesting that you are quickly moving towards the second, this should push them to take up the final option available to them- let you out of your contract.

Sorry for the length of this, I hope this helps!
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StriderHort
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(Original post by henry1999)
I find it very difficult to believe that you cannot get out of this rental agreement given the current situation. It's possible but very improbable that the contract has not been breached.

This is what I would do at this stage: now you've tried being civil with the estate agent I would change your tone and approach. I'd begin by going through the terms of your lease and highlighting every term that has been breached, making a note of the nature of the breach. Write this information up in a very matter of fact and formal email to your estate agent, directly quoting the breached terms. Essentially, you overwhelm them with facts outlining that you understand that you can leave this contract and know how to.

This last part of this is very important. Estate agents here the 'I'm going to sue you' line all the time, it's far more impactful to write like you're going to sue them than to say you're going to: a) it's more impactful when they realise it for themselves b) if you don't sue them then you don't lose rapport.

I would also summarise that email with a deadline with an associated reason for that deadline (e.g. I need this problem rectified by the 8th February because I have a summative issued then), if you don't have a reason then make one up- continually reiterate this deadline in follow up emails. This will create a sense of pressure.

Finally, but most importantly, finish with a line like 'How do you advise we proceed?'. This strokes their intrinsic desire for control whilst prompting them to solve your problem for you.

I think if you take this approach and generally you're a bit tougher with the estate agent than you have been so far, the issue will solve itself. Their ideal scenario is one in which you just shoulder the inconvenience of this situation but if you remove that option and make it clear you're pursuing legal action they have to choose between court or letting go of one tenant. They will choose the latter 100% of the time. The goal of the above is to remove the first option whilst suggesting that you are quickly moving towards the second, this should push them to take up the final option available to them- let you out of your contract.

Sorry for the length of this, I hope this helps!
Yeah there's some good advice here.

I'd reiterate how important it is to do all this in letter/writing and keep at it, even if it means literally emailing them every day 'This guys still in our house', I'd consider adding on that you feel threatened since they're trying to control what you can and can't do in your own home, which is seriously interfering with your use & enjoyment of the property.

Definitely important to make to make it clear to the landlord that the ball is in their court and you won't wait forever for an answer or action. I agree there's no point shouting about suing people, best to stay honeyed and 'I'm optimistic we can resolve the situation amicably dot dot dot.'. At the end of the day when a landlords bluff is called and they know they're going to lose at least one tenant no matter what, they're hardly going to want stuck with the one that caused the problems.
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scouserr1234
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(Original post by henry1999)
I find it very difficult to believe that you cannot get out of this rental agreement given the current situation. It's possible but very improbable that the contract has not been breached.

This is what I would do at this stage: now you've tried being civil with the estate agent I would change your tone and approach. I'd begin by going through the terms of your lease and highlighting every term that has been breached, making a note of the nature of the breach. Write this information up in a very matter of fact and formal email to your estate agent, directly quoting the breached terms. Essentially, you overwhelm them with facts outlining that you understand that you can leave this contract and know how to.

This last part of this is very important. Estate agents here the 'I'm going to sue you' line all the time, it's far more impactful to write like you're going to sue them than to say you're going to: a) it's more impactful when they realise it for themselves b) if you don't sue them then you don't lose rapport.

I would also summarise that email with a deadline with an associated reason for that deadline (e.g. I need this problem rectified by the 8th February because I have a summative issued then), if you don't have a reason then make one up- continually reiterate this deadline in follow up emails. This will create a sense of pressure.

Finally, but most importantly, finish with a line like 'How do you advise we proceed?'. This strokes their intrinsic desire for control whilst prompting them to solve your problem for you.

I think if you take this approach and generally you're a bit tougher with the estate agent than you have been so far, the issue will solve itself. Their ideal scenario is one in which you just shoulder the inconvenience of this situation but if you remove that option and make it clear you're pursuing legal action they have to choose between court or letting go of one tenant. They will choose the latter 100% of the time. The goal of the above is to remove the first option whilst suggesting that you are quickly moving towards the second, this should push them to take up the final option available to them- let you out of your contract.

Sorry for the length of this, I hope this helps!
Spoken like a true lawyer! Thank you for taking the time to write this very detailed response, definitely helpful! You're right, I've defo been too soft with them, I am pretty much cornered right now so the only option left is to bite back.
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scouserr1234
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Yeah there's some good advice here.

I'd reiterate how important it is to do all this in letter/writing and keep at it, even if it means literally emailing them every day 'This guys still in our house', I'd consider adding on that you feel threatened since they're trying to control what you can and can't do in your own home, which is seriously interfering with your use & enjoyment of the property.

Definitely important to make to make it clear to the landlord that the ball is in their court and you won't wait forever for an answer or action. I agree there's no point shouting about suing people, best to stay honeyed and 'I'm optimistic we can resolve the situation amicably dot dot dot.'. At the end of the day when a landlords bluff is called and they know they're going to lose at least one tenant no matter what, they're hardly going to want stuck with the one that caused the problems.
You're absolutely correct, I've had to leave my own house as legal tenant because of a squatter, my best option is to be firm and apply pressure at this point in time. Covid isn't an excuse for landlords to not uphold their end of the bargain. You took the words out my mouth tho, I asked my letting agent "won't the squatter just leave for the day and revisit after the viewing" - they assured me that they won't let that happen and make sure he's out the house. Thanks for taking the time to write to me, very helpful!
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Muttley79
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(Original post by scouserr1234)
You're absolutely correct, I've had to leave my own house as legal tenant because of a squatter, my best option is to be firm and apply pressure at this point in time. Covid isn't an excuse for landlords to not uphold their end of the bargain. You took the words out my mouth tho, I asked my letting agent "won't the squatter just leave for the day and revisit after the viewing" - they assured me that they won't let that happen and make sure he's out the house. Thanks for taking the time to write to me, very helpful!
Can you collect evidence he's there? Photos, record conversations etc in case he disappears on the day of the visit ... he should be paying council tax as well so maybe report him to the council.
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scouserr1234
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Can you collect evidence he's there? Photos, record conversations etc in case he disappears on the day of the visit ... he should be paying council tax as well so maybe report him to the council.
I have evidence of my housemate admitting on text message to having her bf live there but other than that I dont have any pictures unfortunately and i am back home now. That's not a bad shout at all, he isn't a student so should be paying council tax.
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Anonymous #1
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And this ladies and gents is why house sharing SUCKS.
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