Feel bad not doing “bits” with my bf often

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Anonymous #1
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Anyone else in the same situation? Like I don’t do things with him every time I see him and if I do I don’t always do it a few times etc. And just now he told me he was in the mood and I didn’t send him pics and I feel so bad. Like he is so understanding and says he’s used to it but idk I feel like such a **** girlfriend but like I just don’t always feel like doing it
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JaseyB
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You shouldn't have to do things with him everytime, do what you feel is comfortable it's fine to just hang out ( can even lead to the things being better when you both are in the mood too).
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Surnia
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"Doing bits"... :giggle:

How old are you both? I'm asking that because of the comment about sending pics. And can you even meet him during the lockdown?
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Zarek
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Sex drive mismatch rears it’s ugly head in most long term relationships it seems. Awareness of it, sensitivity and willingness to compromise on both sides are the marks of a good relationship
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JaseyB)
You shouldn't have to do things with him everytime, do what you feel is comfortable it's fine to just hang out ( can even lead to the things being better when you both are in the mood too).
Do you think I’m a bad gf for that tho? Like I feel like I should be giving him more as it’s what he wants...like he does so much other things for me cause he knows I like it!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
"Doing bits"... :giggle:

How old are you both? I'm asking that because of the comment about sending pics. And can you even meet him during the lockdown?
Didn’t know what else to say as I didn’t mean just sex haha! We’re 19? I don’t see what age has to do with it as people of any age (legally) can send pics and most do In relationships?

And yes I can meet him so please do not make judgment.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Zarek)
Sex drive mismatch rears it’s ugly head in most long term relationships it seems. Awareness of it, sensitivity and willingness to compromise on both sides are the marks of a good relationship
Do you think that means the relationship should come to an end tho or do you think that’s normal? And I feel I do try make an effort, I don’t always feel in the mood for it yet I’ll sometimes still do it as I know he wants too☺️
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Didn’t know what else to say as I didn’t mean just sex haha! We’re 19? I don’t see what age has to do with it as people of any age (legally) can send pics and most do In relationships?

And yes I can meet him so please do not make judgment.
When people say pics they often mean nudes, which are illegal under the age of 18, and you sounded younger than that using "doing bits" and "Like".

Also, if you look around on this site plenty of people are wanting to find ways around the restrictions to meet their bf/gf and are ignoring the pandemic.

Relationships should be more than sexual activities and strong enough to manage without. Both of you can say no and it shouldn't matter. If it does, then what is your focus with your boyfriend and how are you going to cope with the more mundane things of being together?
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Zarek
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you think that means the relationship should come to an end tho or do you think that’s normal? And I feel I do try make an effort, I don’t always feel in the mood for it yet I’ll sometimes still do it as I know he wants too☺️
It’s normal, don’t worry
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LunasCorner
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girl u dont need to do sh*t if you feel as if you dont want to, waiting for a good time.

also dont feel bad for not sending pics, him saying hes used to it is manipulative and sorta gaslighting u in a way
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ashtolga23
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I think people are missing the point a little here. Nobody in the relationship is saying that sexual stuff has to go on 24/7, OP is just wondering whether she's doing enough.

I think it's actually a sign of a healthy relationship that you can say no and he doesn't pressure or coerce you; some would say it's doing the bare minimum, but I've heard many relationships where this isn't the case! As LunasCorner mentioned, saying he's "used to it" could be a little manipulative if he's trying to make you feel sorry for him, but this really depends on context and tone and so forth so I won't base my judgement purely on that phrase.

It's perfectly fine not to be in the mood, and you shouldn't feel like you have to be. There's a big focus on sex in a lot of our pop culture, but remember that it's only part of the relationship. As long as it's working for you both and you can communicate maturely about it, then it's fine. You shouldn't feel as though he's angry about this, and you shouldn't be uncomfortable talking about it or anything ideally.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
When people say pics they often mean nudes, which are illegal under the age of 18, and you sounded younger than that using "doing bits" and "Like".

Also, if you look around on this site plenty of people are wanting to find ways around the restrictions to meet their bf/gf and are ignoring the pandemic.

Relationships should be more than sexual activities and strong enough to manage without. Both of you can say no and it shouldn't matter. If it does, then what is your focus with your boyfriend and how are you going to cope with the more mundane things of being together?
i think your unnecessarily rude to me right now, Don’t assume things, ask me. We are both 19, and to be honest even if we were under 18 that’s not your problem. And he lives on his own so he is in our bubble, so again stop assuming things it’s so ignorant. And we both can say no but like I said I feel bad. Also again, your being very rude me and my boyfriend have got through so much in our 5 year relationship and there has been many “mundane” moments and it’s not phased us as we are mature and understand.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LunasCorner)
girl u dont need to do sh*t if you feel as if you dont want to, waiting for a good time.

also dont feel bad for not sending pics, him saying hes used to it is manipulative and sorta gaslighting u in a way
I just feel I should give him it more as he does so much other things for me. I understand how that came across bad but I genuinely don’t think he meant it like that, he did tell me that he didn’t mean it in a horrible way and that he’s got used to not doing stuff as much and he understands if I don’t want too all the time. I mean I don’t know if that still is gaslighting? But I didn’t see it that way x
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Anonymous #2
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Just a typical low sex drive woman. This is why I love men, they are so passionate and it's hard for them to find a woman equal to them in this, so they just put up with what they can get, it's a shame
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
I think people are missing the point a little here. Nobody in the relationship is saying that sexual stuff has to go on 24/7, OP is just wondering whether she's doing enough.

I think it's actually a sign of a healthy relationship that you can say no and he doesn't pressure or coerce you; some would say it's doing the bare minimum, but I've heard many relationships where this isn't the case! As LunasCorner mentioned, saying he's "used to it" could be a little manipulative if he's trying to make you feel sorry for him, but this really depends on context and tone and so forth so I won't base my judgement purely on that phrase.

It's perfectly fine not to be in the mood, and you shouldn't feel like you have to be. There's a big focus on sex in a lot of our pop culture, but remember that it's only part of the relationship. As long as it's working for you both and you can communicate maturely about it, then it's fine. You shouldn't feel as though he's angry about this, and you shouldn't be uncomfortable talking about it or anything ideally.
Aw thank you so much for your help!! I don’t think he meant it badly as he said “I don’t mean it horribly but I am used to it now but i understand if you don’t want to do stuff all the time I don’t mind” I didn’t take that as he was trying to be manipulative but idk maybe I’m being naive? I think he does wish we would do more but he doesn’t ever pressure me I just feel bad all the time as he’s so good to me and does stuff I’d want him to do but I don’t have sex all the time
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just a typical low sex drive woman. This is why I love men, they are so passionate and it's hard for them to find a woman equal to them in this, so they just put up with what they can get, it's a shame
I’m not even going to respond to this comment the way I’d like too but that’s so ignorant
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ashtolga23
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Aw thank you so much for your help!! I don’t think he meant it badly as he said “I don’t mean it horribly but I am used to it now but i understand if you don’t want to do stuff all the time I don’t mind” I didn’t take that as he was trying to be manipulative but idk maybe I’m being naive? I think he does wish we would do more but he doesn’t ever pressure me I just feel bad all the time as he’s so good to me and does stuff I’d want him to do but I don’t have sex all the time
No problem! To me that definitely sounds more understanding than anything else, like he's showing that he knows you well and doesn't want to pressure you. As long as the rest of the relationship is perfectly fine then I don't see a big issue!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
No problem! To me that definitely sounds more understanding than anything else, like he's showing that he knows you well and doesn't want to pressure you. As long as the rest of the relationship is perfectly fine then I don't see a big issue!
Oh okay that’s good then!! Yeah our relationship is overall quite good!
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