I have a long term boyfriend but I can’t stop thinking about someone else

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
So about 4/5 years ago I met a boy and I thought he was the most beautiful person i had ever seen. Anyway, somehow I built up the confidence to get his attention and it turned out he liked me too. We had the same humour and he was so fun to be around, and we spoke every day basically from then on. However as he worked full time and I was in uni in a different city so we didn’t get to see eachother lots. Anyway, about 8 months later I went home from uni for summer (in a different country) and he suddenly got REALLY dry and I got red flags from this so I asked him why and he gave a sort of rude response. From then on i just fizzled it out because I knew my standards and didn’t take weird signals like that. My motto was mixed signals = no. However it never really ended? Like I didn’t get any closure at all? I don’t know why he changed like he did? I always blamed it on him but looking back I’m not sure?

Anyway, this happened in the early summer and by Christmas I bumped into a boy who was great friends with my best friend that I always had a soft spot for and we hit it off instantly. I felt ready for a relationship and completely forgot about the previous guy and was so happy. He had 0 red flags, and gave me butterflies. Nearly 3 and a half years later and are still together!

The problem is, a bit into the relationship the previous guy met my friend out and told her how much he still liked me etc etc... I know this shouldn’t work but this got into my head. I started to miss him. I’ve tried soooo hard to forget about him but 3 and a half years into my new relationship I STILL cant.

I feel like I can’t tell anyone this as all my friends adore my boyfriend and I feel like they would be horrified I am still thinking about the previous boy. I don’t know what to do I feel like I’ve been trying for so long to forget about the first boy but I can’t!

I know nothing will happen with me and the first boy, and I wouldn’t ever do that on my current boyfriend, but is this a sign I’m not really ready for a relationship?
0
reply
mimmi0070
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
So about 4/5 years ago I met a boy and I thought he was the most beautiful person i had ever seen. Anyway, somehow I built up the confidence to get his attention and it turned out he liked me too. We had the same humour and he was so fun to be around, and we spoke every day basically from then on. However as he worked full time and I was in uni in a different city so we didn’t get to see eachother lots. Anyway, about 8 months later I went home from uni for summer (in a different country) and he suddenly got REALLY dry and I got red flags from this so I asked him why and he gave a sort of rude response. From then on i just fizzled it out because I knew my standards and didn’t take weird signals like that. My motto was mixed signals = no. However it never really ended? Like I didn’t get any closure at all? I don’t know why he changed like he did? I always blamed it on him but looking back I’m not sure?

Anyway, this happened in the early summer and by Christmas I bumped into a boy who was great friends with my best friend that I always had a soft spot for and we hit it off instantly. I felt ready for a relationship and completely forgot about the previous guy and was so happy. He had 0 red flags, and gave me butterflies. Nearly 3 and a half years later and are still together!

The problem is, a bit into the relationship the previous guy met my friend out and told her how much he still liked me etc etc... I know this shouldn’t work but this got into my head. I started to miss him. I’ve tried soooo hard to forget about him but 3 and a half years into my new relationship I STILL cant.

I feel like I can’t tell anyone this as all my friends adore my boyfriend and I feel like they would be horrified I am still thinking about the previous boy. I don’t know what to do I feel like I’ve been trying for so long to forget about the first boy but I can’t!

I know nothing will happen with me and the first boy, and I wouldn’t ever do that on my current boyfriend, but is this a sign I’m not really ready for a relationship?
Hi there!

What an amazing story! Sometimes people can react in strangely or rude when they're faced with distance, stress or simply out of missing you.

It's likely that you're thinking about him now because you didn't get the closure you needed to end the relationship properly, I doubt it's because you're not ready for a relationship because you've been in a new one successfully for 3 1/2 years.

I personally think your thoughts are out of curiosity. You must have felt like something was wrong in your previous relationship, didn't know what and now wondering why first boy misses you after all this time.

Honestly I would get your friend to find out what happened with first boy instead so you don't have to be involved directly. This may help you find the closure you need and reasons why it ended like it did.

If you want to meet with first boy directly (which I wouldn't recommend), please tell your current boyfriend first - as this relationship sounds really good for you and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that!

Hope that helps, let me know how it goes!
2
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by mimmi0070)
Hi there!

What an amazing story! Sometimes people can react in strangely or rude when they're faced with distance, stress or simply out of missing you.

It's likely that you're thinking about him now because you didn't get the closure you needed to end the relationship properly, I doubt it's because you're not ready for a relationship because you've been in a new one successfully for 3 1/2 years.

I personally think your thoughts are out of curiosity. You must have felt like something was wrong in your previous relationship, didn't know what and now wondering why first boy misses you after all this time.

Honestly I would get your friend to find out what happened with first boy instead so you don't have to be involved directly. This may help you find the closure you need and reasons why it ended like it did.

If you want to meet with first boy directly (which I wouldn't recommend), please tell your current boyfriend first - as this relationship sounds really good for you and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that!

Hope that helps, let me know how it goes!
Hi thank you so much for this advice!! I really needed this to not feel crazy lol

Asking through a friend is a great idea. Our mutual friend doesn’t see much of him or his group anymore now uni has ended and everyone has went on to do their own thing.. But I think it’s probably still worthwhile saying when I get to see her next. She will definitely be able to find out more than I ever could - unless I asked him directly ofc but you’re right, I wouldn’t want to jeopardise my current relationship! Plus I feel like too much time has passed to ask him lol

I hope she doesn’t judge me for bringing him up :confused: :confused: Although I’m sure she won’t as she knows literally everything that happened and how weird it ended.

And yes I will update you on what happens! It probably won’t be for awhile before I do get some sort of closure, but hopefully the next time I update things will have sorted themselves out.

Thank you again and hope everything is good with you
0
reply
mimmi0070
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi thank you so much for this advice!! I really needed this to not feel crazy lol

Asking through a friend is a great idea. Our mutual friend doesn’t see much of him or his group anymore now uni has ended and everyone has went on to do their own thing.. But I think it’s probably still worthwhile saying when I get to see her next. She will definitely be able to find out more than I ever could - unless I asked him directly ofc but you’re right, I wouldn’t want to jeopardise my current relationship! Plus I feel like too much time has passed to ask him lol

I hope she doesn’t judge me for bringing him up :confused: :confused: Although I’m sure she won’t as she knows literally everything that happened and how weird it ended.

And yes I will update you on what happens! It probably won’t be for awhile before I do get some sort of closure, but hopefully the next time I update things will have sorted themselves out.

Thank you again and hope everything is good with you
No worries, you definitely not crazy! It's completely natural to feel curious about a relationship that ended so strangely, I highly doubt it's because anything is wrong with you or your current relationship.

Ah, people do split off after graduation, but I think your mutual friend is your best shot. Plus she's less likely to judge you because she knows everything that happened! Just explain explicitly that your curious and need closure because it ended so abruptly.

Regardless, friends are meant to support you not judge you, and she told you the information in the first place which made you question yourself. In my opinion, she owes you to find out some more info. You never know, she may know more than she told you originally, so would be best asking her.

Amazing, please do! I'll make sure to log into here more often!

Hopefully, you feel a bit less confused and less crazy!

I'm good, thanks for asking! Final year of uni is long lol but I'm getting there!
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#5
Report 4 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
So about 4/5 years ago I met a boy and I thought he was the most beautiful person i had ever seen. Anyway, somehow I built up the confidence to get his attention and it turned out he liked me too. We had the same humour and he was so fun to be around, and we spoke every day basically from then on. However as he worked full time and I was in uni in a different city so we didn’t get to see eachother lots. Anyway, about 8 months later I went home from uni for summer (in a different country) and he suddenly got REALLY dry and I got red flags from this so I asked him why and he gave a sort of rude response. From then on i just fizzled it out because I knew my standards and didn’t take weird signals like that. My motto was mixed signals = no. However it never really ended? Like I didn’t get any closure at all? I don’t know why he changed like he did? I always blamed it on him but looking back I’m not sure?

Anyway, this happened in the early summer and by Christmas I bumped into a boy who was great friends with my best friend that I always had a soft spot for and we hit it off instantly. I felt ready for a relationship and completely forgot about the previous guy and was so happy. He had 0 red flags, and gave me butterflies. Nearly 3 and a half years later and are still together!

The problem is, a bit into the relationship the previous guy met my friend out and told her how much he still liked me etc etc... I know this shouldn’t work but this got into my head. I started to miss him. I’ve tried soooo hard to forget about him but 3 and a half years into my new relationship I STILL cant.

I feel like I can’t tell anyone this as all my friends adore my boyfriend and I feel like they would be horrified I am still thinking about the previous boy. I don’t know what to do I feel like I’ve been trying for so long to forget about the first boy but I can’t!

I know nothing will happen with me and the first boy, and I wouldn’t ever do that on my current boyfriend, but is this a sign I’m not really ready for a relationship?
God damn I don’t even know any of you and my hearts hurting for your bf, in all honesty the fact that it meant something to you when you realised he liked you while you had a bf is acc really bad, ask yourself why did it get to you and why did you start to miss him. I personally think you shouldn’t act on it but also you should tell your bf about this situation he deserves to be know and if you 2 are meant to be it’ll continue, if not ig things will end up for the better in the long run
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you feel comfortable going back to school on March 8th?

Yes (373)
32.07%
No (790)
67.93%

Watched Threads

View All