Tell Me About Your Mental Health Problems

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JDINCINERATOR
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#1
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If you'd like to tell me about the mental health issues you are facing I'll be happy to give you my advice. Of course you don't have to delve into personal matters if you don't want to or feel that you can't.
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hxnnxh_13.11.06
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I wish it could be better. My most recent post got taken down.
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Crmaksinlehs
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I've had depression and anxiety since I was 16. I took medication then too and went to therapy on and off and hated it all the while bcoz I found it extremely embarrassing. I went to 3 different people and they were all so awful. Its like ur auditioning or something and they just look at u funny. The whole reason I went therapy was cos I had terrible attendance at school and then when I never turned up to the appointments they were all baffled?!?! Anyway it was rickety for a bit I got better then bad then better then okay then it took a straight nosedive this year when I went uni. During lockdown I developed a very irrational and all consuming fear about climate change (very stupid I know- i don't have the guts to tell anyone I'm so embarrassed). I managed it for a bit but after the first week of uni I had a breakdown schoolwork related and came running back home. The whole journey home I cried then smiled then cried. Came home with a red eyes but no one asked really. BTW I stopped going therapy around like 6 months before this happened. my therapist did call when I first got to uni and I told her I was very depressed and tried to Indirectly communicate id written a suicide letter a few weeks prior. She didn't seem to care and the call was over. I cut ties with the organisation after that. Anyway once I came back home I had to go to the shops a few times and I had these awful Internal (totally internal u couldn't see it on my face at all) breakdowns about all the plastic on the roads and both times I went I had meandered off the route to either look at a tree to hang myself or to - idk cry. I've never been out since. Its been a few months. School work wasn't that bad. I've been trying to tell myself theres nothing I can do about climate change except recycle, shut the lights, don't leave things plugged in etc. During lockdown I became vegan, started doing regular exercise and was doing artwork outside of school. Then fast forward to December I had started forcing myself to stop eating food bcos it made me so unbelievably happy to lose weight- something even good grades hadn't been able to achieve. I stopped taking my vegan supplements, stopped taking my medication completely, purposely tried to sabotage my own health. Its like a sort of self harm where I'm too much of a coward to actually slit my wrists. Its just the prolonged one that doesn't seem to do anything. I don't brush my teeth, only about once a month (I know its disgusting) and it makes me happy to see my gums bleed. Then I had a fight with my sister over leaving the light on when there was no need and afterwards I had a breakdown on my own and swallowed 10 of my medicine tablets. Unfortunately nothing happened. I was a little bit scared but a big part of me was convinced that stupid fight was a good reason to finally kill myself. Alas I just had a little bit of abdominal pain that's it. Anyway ever since then it's been a slow trek to trying to damage my own health and no one has a clue! I am a phenomenal actor and for someone who craves attention so much by trying to hurt their health, I'm quite close lipped about it. That might be cos I'm so goddamn embarrassed of the things I do and I can't stand talking to people anymore. I've had one too many horrible experiences. I am as of now quite miserable for no apparent reason. I can't keep up with my work. I am so depressed I don't care for my future but I care just enough to want good grades so its a nasty combination. Last night I was awake for a long time shaking my legs trying to block out anxious thought about stupid ****. I was watching a drama and randomly had to hold back the urge to cry in front of my family then laugh it off a few seconds later. I hate crying -nothing so embarrassing. And yh thats it pretty much. Its crazy how ur life can turn on its head in a few months. I don't see myself getting out of this. I'm on a waiting list to talk to a new therapist (yawn) and that's not of my own volition. My tutor is practically forcing me and its cos if people like him who treat mental health like some kind of... character trait or even worse... like some kind of weird bizarre extraterrestrial cult ideology that I subscribe to, that I will never open my mouth about my problems again. Thanks for the opportunity to vent- nice to get off my chest 😕
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ashtolga23
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... How much time have you got? 😬
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JDINCINERATOR
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
... How much time have you got? 😬
As much time as you need in order to explain what's going on. I wouldn't have made this post if I didn't have the time so please if you want to tell me what's going on with you then go ahead.
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