Do people worry excessively about their looks because they're shallow?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I used to think people are hugely insecure (please note everyone has insecurities, I am talking about those who really have nothing wrong with them but are insecure nonetheless) about their looks because of some trauma or social/ad-promoted unrealistic standards, etc.

But I've read that people who're very insecure, like they literally have a normal breast size or normal penis size, etc think to themselves ''I am not gonna be attractive to this girl or guy who are very attractive themselves".

In other words, they do not believe they're ugly or unattractive, they just don't think they're attractive enough to get those very attractive mates they want.

They wonder whether everyone cares about looks as much as they do and so are insecure about themselves.

This is a theory btw not really what I think, it's open to discusson. I am not accusing insecure people of being shallow, I am insecure myself.

What do you think?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I used to think people are hugely insecure (please note everyone has insecurities, I am talking about those who really have nothing wrong with them but are insecure nonetheless) about their looks because of some trauma or social/ad-promoted unrealistic standards, etc.

But I've read that people who're very insecure, like they literally have a normal breast size or normal penis size, etc think to themselves ''I am not gonna be attractive to this girl or guy who are very attractive themselves".

In other words, they do not believe they're ugly or unattractive, they just don't think they're attractive enough to get those very attractive mates they want.

They wonder whether everyone cares about looks as much as they do and so are insecure about themselves.

This is a theory btw not really what I think, it's open to discusson. I am not accusing insecure people of being shallow, I am insecure myself.

What do you think?
I think it’s probably a unique experience for everyone. Personally I’ve always been insecure (I struggle with body dysmorphia) and as a part of this I would constantly be looking in the mirror to see what other people are seeing to try and “fix” myself. I’d be labelled as vain because of this but it was far from it. Alternatively on a bad day I’ll avoid all mirrors completely. For me it’s probably a mixture of both not feeling attractive enough to others, and also just feeling ugly in general
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Mesopotamian.
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I think social media - especially Instagram and similar - and modern day beauty standards have a large role to play in people’s insecurities appearance-wise.

Even for someone like me who only follows food pages and various TV show/ film and book fandom pages, my feed and explore pages are full of people’s before vs after surgery and enhancement images. For me, it just irritates me seeing the same thing over and over again, but I can easily see why many people can feel bad about themselves and want to change their appearance to fit whatever beauty standard is currently trending.

Not sure if I’ve addressed the OP properly, but this is my take on insecurities concerning looks.
Last edited by Mesopotamian.; 1 year ago
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English_MALE
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TV, Music and Media feature very pretty and beautiful people, which causes people to expect a certain beauty standard for men and women and this in turns makes people superficial and excessively pre occupied with asthetics.

The solution is to follow and like many celebrities and people, not just the ones you find attractive
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londonmyst
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I think it varies.
Some people are ruled by vanity, have an obsession with being considered good looking/sexually appealing, intensely competitive with others or make their self esteem almost entirely dependent upon always looking their best.
While others may have deeper rooted reasons for being insecure about their physical appearances: bdd, an eating disorder, a veneer to hide their emotions/potential vulnerabilities/secrets.

Many people are shallow, use their looks to mask negative elements of their life/past or have unrealistically high standards both for themselves and potential dates/friends/guests/partners.
Social media, the fashion industry, celebrity gossip focused magazines and even porn- they all reinforce people's existing insecurities and widely use image enhancement software to make images appear flawless or more attractive in terms of conforming to their established beauty standards and phsyical appearance traditions.
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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I used to always assume it was a vanity thing, until one day a fellow secondary school student said to me, "you're so lucky that you have the confidence to not wear/need make-up". That really struck me because I had assumed this girl was very self-assured and confident. My not wearing make-up didn't have anything to do with confidence in my appearance or myself generally - she had just assumed that about me, just as I had assumed she was a vain bimbo.

It was quite an eye-opening lesson about how you never know how someone feels inside, however they may seem to you from the outside
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setarexhx
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I used to think people are hugely insecure (please note everyone has insecurities, I am talking about those who really have nothing wrong with them but are insecure nonetheless) about their looks because of some trauma or social/ad-promoted unrealistic standards, etc.

But I've read that people who're very insecure, like they literally have a normal breast size or normal penis size, etc think to themselves ''I am not gonna be attractive to this girl or guy who are very attractive themselves".

In other words, they do not believe they're ugly or unattractive, they just don't think they're attractive enough to get those very attractive mates they want.

They wonder whether everyone cares about looks as much as they do and so are insecure about themselves.

This is a theory btw not really what I think, it's open to discusson. I am not accusing insecure people of being shallow, I am insecure myself.

What do you think?
I think that is one theory but also bullying and beauty standards are a huge factor too. Personally for me being bullied at school for my features made me insecure about them as a teenager into adulthood and if you take into beauty standards and social media noawadays, that puts an immense amount of pressure on people to look a certain way and achieve a certain look or else they’re ‘ugly’
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CharlotteT04
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In all honesty, I'd say I'm someone who worries about their looks excessively, but I'd like to think I'm not shallow. I don't choose my friends based on their looks and I've been with my past boyfriends because I like who they are. However, I did struggle really badly with an eating disorder (i still kind of do) around 2 or 3 years ago. I'd always been insecure about my weight being a chubby kid, I was made fun of a little for it, my dad would tell me I was chubby a lot and try to get me to do sports even though i despised them. When I started going to the gym and eating healthy I got SO many compliments, and I think getting all that attention so suddenly and massively just went to my head. I think when someone is praised for their looks, they feel a pressure to uphold it and suddenly it can be what defines who you are, even though that's not how others define you. People who worry about their looks excessively tend not to care so much about the way that others look, which I suppose in a way means they aren't shallow, only self-critical. There's a girl I know who is absolutely gorgeous, one of the most naturally pretty people I've ever met, but she seems to care a lot about how she looks and the way she comes across, maybe because people always tell her how pretty she is and she feels the need to keep that going, which I understand, why wouldn't you want to be noticed for that? But at the same time she's not shallow at all, she's kind to everyone, no matter what they look like.
Last edited by CharlotteT04; 1 year ago
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