my mom is emotionally draining fs

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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I feel manipulated by my mom but I just can't stand up for myself. She wants me to rely on her and only her, whenever I start to act a bit independent she tears down my self esteem and confidence telling me I'm a loser or I'm worthless and won't go anywhere in life without her, she beats me a lot and tbh i prefer her beating over her emotional manipulation anyways. She uses stuff i tell her when we are in good terms against me to make me feel bad about myself when we fight. She and my dad are divorced so she gets super mad at me when me and my father are on good terms and she starts to punish me like for example i ask her if she can drive me somewhere and she says "why dont you let your father do it since you love him so much?" and we live in the UK while my dad lives in Australia so Idk why she cares if we are on good terms.
She constantly criticizes me for everything and anything I do, she makes fun of my friends and my ambitions and goals constantly and thats really screwing with my self esteem and motivation and makes me feel pathetic. She always tells me that no one is gonna love me and I'm gonna be alone and she's gonna be the only one whos gonna love me for who I am. I have a lot of friends and I'm liked by most people in my school but that still makes me doubt every relationship I have because of the stuff she says to me. For example with my bf she constantly tells me he's cheating on me and stuff like that.
There is no way i can confront her or talk to her because I am scared she is gonna ruin my life like she always says she will when we have a small fight even
what do i do i cant deal with this anymore i feel like a worthless coward and I'm only almost 16.
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SoonToBeExpat
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Hey there...

I'm sorry to say thus but if everything you say is true then it sounds to me like you are being domestically abused. This is 100% illegal. You say your mother beats you? If it's more than a smack and on a frequent basis then that's physical abuse. Mental manipulation is also abuse and falls under the same laws.

If your dad doesn't know what's going on at home then I'd suggest you talk to him about it. Other than that you have an urgent reason to contact social services as this is totally unacceptable behaviour and no parent should treat their child like this.

Let me tell you something. no one at 16 is worthless. At that age you have your entire life ahead of you - you have the full ability to shape it in whichever way. No one knows where they'll be in 2, 5, 10+ years time! Anything could of happen and usually things tend to go up, not down. So do not pin this on yourself - from what you've said I have full confidence that this is NOT your fault.

Please don't give up hope, things WILL improve, you're only (almost) 16! But in the meantime I would strongly suggest you speak to someone with a higher authority, whether that be your school welfare office, your father, child line or social services. Of course no one can force you to do anything - the decision of the course of action is only for you to take.
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Horatio_Nelson
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel manipulated by my mom but I just can't stand up for myself. She wants me to rely on her and only her, whenever I start to act a bit independent she tears down my self esteem and confidence telling me I'm a loser or I'm worthless and won't go anywhere in life without her, she beats me a lot and tbh i prefer her beating over her emotional manipulation anyways. She uses stuff i tell her when we are in good terms against me to make me feel bad about myself when we fight. She and my dad are divorced so she gets super mad at me when me and my father are on good terms and she starts to punish me like for example i ask her if she can drive me somewhere and she says "why dont you let your father do it since you love him so much?" and we live in the UK while my dad lives in Australia so Idk why she cares if we are on good terms.
She constantly criticizes me for everything and anything I do, she makes fun of my friends and my ambitions and goals constantly and thats really screwing with my self esteem and motivation and makes me feel pathetic. She always tells me that no one is gonna love me and I'm gonna be alone and she's gonna be the only one whos gonna love me for who I am. I have a lot of friends and I'm liked by most people in my school but that still makes me doubt every relationship I have because of the stuff she says to me. For example with my bf she constantly tells me he's cheating on me and stuff like that.
There is no way i can confront her or talk to her because I am scared she is gonna ruin my life like she always says she will when we have a small fight even
what do i do i cant deal with this anymore i feel like a worthless coward and I'm only almost 16.
Bless you. Let me tell you a positive, you sound mature for someone who is almost 16. You've learnt that your mum is manipulating you, but also that its a BAD thing and you want to take ACTION. My hat goes off to you.

Confrontation is incredibly hard, especially when it's with someone you love. I can tell how it'll go from my own personal experience. They'll play the victim. I will tell you, this will affect future progression of relationships, there is no doubt and I won't lie to you about that. I'll give you links that i will think that will help you. It's by a Clinical psychologist called Jordan Peterson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGrC...el=ToreInimene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aoa9...el=DoseofTruth

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-oN...ivationMadness

She is wrong, you will achieve great things, you will be loved and are loved. She is projecting her grave past on you. As weird as this may seem, she is struggling, she isn't meaning to be mean, she sees it as normal, she needs help too. You most probably remind her of your dad so she takes her anger about your dad through you. Keep your head up please. Write down what you are worried about, what makes you angry, fears. Write them down. Look at them. Really think about it. Then clinically analyse it, look at the positives. Like i put at the start, that the fact at 15 you can acknowledge, address and want to take action is remarkable for someone at your age. I'm very happy that you are in that mindset. Maybe when you're ready, have a conversation, if your mum gets angry, deescalate it. Do this by asking questions, let her express herself and not stoop to her level (which is incredibly hard). She may take that as a sign of condescending; that her 15 year old daughter is trying to mitigate the argument, telling her shes wrong etc. That will never go down well even when you're 25. But a conversation needs to happen on addressing these situations. Have you spoken to your dad? He may be able to help you with jotting ideas down, expressing yourself and guiding you. All the best to you. Just try to think of everything as a positive, even though its incredibly hard!
Last edited by Horatio_Nelson; 1 month ago
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