why do people remarry/redate after their partner dies?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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i get it you'll be lonely after your partners death and love will be the thing that will make you happy, but is there any other ways of finding happiness, i just view it as replacing the late partner, like not replacement as in similar but as in the role of the partner replacement, i hear people ask their partner if they'll remarry or redate after they die and they just get blindsided, like their partner automatically thinks they're wrong without listening to their reasoning, i also have to ask a catch 22 question, if you love the late partner more than the new isn't that using the new partner or if you love the new partner more than the late isn't that replacement, i actually hear widows/widowers say they love the new partner as much as the late, isn't that messed, i also think it's still infidelity because you didn't choose to end the relationship, you let death do it, and yes i know i'll be dead so i won't feel jealousy, but that doesn't make it right would you go take a crap on a dead man's grave because he's dead and can't feel anything, i'm really scared of my partner getting remarried or redating after my death, i'll never give this opinion up,
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Catherine1973
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If I died tomorrow my partner would have 40+ years ahead I hope. I’d want him to be happy!
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Max1989
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Fair enough you do you, but for me it depends a lot on age, if I was say 40 and died and I was married I'd not be fussed at all or even encourage my partner to find someone else. Whereas if I was like 80 and my partner has her will at the ready I wouldn't really expect it but still wouldn't be 'opposed' to it.

At the end of the day it's about what makes her happy, I'll be dead and my dying wish is for my partner and family to live the best life they can, if that means them finding someone else then I would be happy if my pile of ashes had feelings of course.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Catherine1973)
If I died tomorrow my partner would have 40+ years ahead I hope. I’d want him to be happy!
you wouldn't mind being replaced, that sounds one sided
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you wouldn't mind being replaced, that sounds one sided
She'd be dead and in no position to care. If I were married and died young I wouldn't want my wife to live in solace for the rest of her days on my account.
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BluMoon06
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you wouldn't mind being replaced, that sounds one sided
its not about being replaced, its about making your partner happy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Max1989)
Fair enough you do you, but for me it depends a lot on age, if I was say 40 and died and I was married I'd not be fussed at all or even encourage my partner to find someone else. Whereas if I was like 80 and my partner has her will at the ready I wouldn't really expect it but still wouldn't be 'opposed' to it.

At the end of the day it's about what makes her happy, I'll be dead and my dying wish is for my partner and family to live the best life they can, if that means them finding someone else then I would be happy if my pile of ashes had feelings of course.
what about the question of if you love the late more than the new isn't that using the new or if you love the new more than the late isn't that replacement, and you may not have feelings but that doesn't mean you can be disrespected, like i said you would'nt take a crap on a dead man's grave because he can't feel jealousy or doesn't have feelings, that's just my opinion,
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
She'd be dead and in no position to care. If I were married and died young I wouldn't want my wife to live in solace for the rest of her days on my account.
can you go take a crap on a dead man's grave then he has no position to care,
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BluMoon06)
its not about being replaced, its about making your partner happy.
how's it not about replacement?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i get it you'll be lonely after your partners death and love will be the thing that will make you happy, but is there any other ways of finding happiness, i just view it as replacing the late partner, like not replacement as in similar but as in the role of the partner replacement, i hear people ask their partner if they'll remarry or redate after they die and they just get blindsided, like their partner automatically thinks they're wrong without listening to their reasoning, i also have to ask a catch 22 question, if you love the late partner more than the new isn't that using the new partner or if you love the new partner more than the late isn't that replacement, i actually hear widows/widowers say they love the new partner as much as the late, isn't that messed, i also think it's still infidelity because you didn't choose to end the relationship, you let death do it, and yes i know i'll be dead so i won't feel jealousy, but that doesn't make it right would you go take a crap on a dead man's grave because he's dead and can't feel anything, i'm really scared of my partner getting remarried or redating after my death, i'll never give this opinion up,
I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't anything because I'd be dead. Why not focus on getting the most out of life while you still can. I also hope you are giving your partner time and space to enjoy their own life with and without you. When life is over, it's over.
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ageshallnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
what about the question of if you love the late more than the new isn't that using the new or if you love the new more than the late isn't that replacement, and you may not have feelings but that doesn't mean you can be disrespected, like i said you would'nt take a crap on a dead man's grave because he can't feel jealousy or doesn't have feelings, that's just my opinion,
Having an opinion =/= that opinion being worth anything.
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BluMoon06
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obviously you are taking things to heart. i wouldnt be that bothered tbh its their decision and not mine. if i dont respect that, im being selfish. its up to them not me.
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StriderHort
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You can love memories but you can't love dead people, nor can they love you in return.

The idea of devoting your life as a shrine to the dead is simply macabre.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BluMoon06)
obviously you are taking things to heart. i wouldnt be that bothered tbh its their decision and not mine. if i dont respect that, im being selfish. its up to them not me.
yes i'm taking this serious if that's what you mean, i don't want to be replaced, i don't think not wanting to be replaced is selfish, i'm also in the minority with this opinion, i know it's their decision but their decision is scary,
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
Having an opinion =/= that opinion being worth anything.
i don't understand, what do you mean by that,
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
You can love memories but you can't love dead people, nor can they love you in return.

The idea of devoting your life as a shrine to the dead is simply macabre.
but replacing them isn't messed up?
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BluMoon06
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yes i'm taking this serious if that's what you mean, i don't want to be replaced, i don't think not wanting to be replaced is selfish, i'm also in the minority with this opinion, i know it's their decision but their decision is scary,
youre not being replaced! its not like they pick out someone and say "youre now my husband. you have to act, look and talk like him." they are deciding not to be lonely for the rest of their life. yes i think youre being selfish. you are basically saying once you die, you dont want to get "replaced". in other words you want them to be lonely and not love someone
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Max1989
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(Original post by Anonymous)
what about the question of if you love the late more than the new isn't that using the new or if you love the new more than the late isn't that replacement, and you may not have feelings but that doesn't mean you can be disrespected, like i said you would'nt take a crap on a dead man's grave because he can't feel jealousy or doesn't have feelings, that's just my opinion,
There's a difference between disrespect and moving on, perhaps they'll love them less, perhaps they'll love them more that's not for me to know and and it's their life not mine. And I'm certain the other person won't feel used because they will understand that they are a widow and perhaps had something special with me, doesn't make a relationship not possible just have to be mindful of the circumstances.

And yeah that's disrespectful no one would or should do that (the grave bit), but this isn't what it's about, it's about moving on and getting on with your life not being stuck in the past which everyone should be encouraged to do.

It's fine you having your opinion but it's just fairly narrow minded and selfish, think about being in their shoes, could you cope 30,40,50 years alone?

At the same time though I can see myself not getting with someone else after especially if I had children with them, but doesn't mean I would expect the same from my partner as I am not them and I do not wish to control anyone.
Last edited by Max1989; 4 weeks ago
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ashtolga23
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i get it you'll be lonely after your partners death and love will be the thing that will make you happy, but is there any other ways of finding happiness, i just view it as replacing the late partner, like not replacement as in similar but as in the role of the partner replacement, i hear people ask their partner if they'll remarry or redate after they die and they just get blindsided, like their partner automatically thinks they're wrong without listening to their reasoning, i also have to ask a catch 22 question, if you love the late partner more than the new isn't that using the new partner or if you love the new partner more than the late isn't that replacement, i actually hear widows/widowers say they love the new partner as much as the late, isn't that messed, i also think it's still infidelity because you didn't choose to end the relationship, you let death do it, and yes i know i'll be dead so i won't feel jealousy, but that doesn't make it right would you go take a crap on a dead man's grave because he's dead and can't feel anything, i'm really scared of my partner getting remarried or redating after my death, i'll never give this opinion up,
I get it’s not necessarily a nice thought, but they deserve to be happy. I can’t even muster the strength to go into detail because it reminds me too much of a situations with my grandparents, and I just think my grandad deserves some light in his life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BluMoon06)
youre not being replaced! its not like they pick out someone and say "youre now my husband. you have to act, look and talk like him." they are deciding not to be lonely for the rest of their life. yes i think youre being selfish. you are basically saying once you die, you dont want to get "replaced". in other words you want them to be lonely and not love someone
yes it is replacement, someone else is being their partner now, they're creating memories with someone else, and there might be other ways of them finding happiness,
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