My boyfriend repeatedly liking pics/quotes on Instagram that make me feel insecure

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Anonymous #1
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So my boyfriend has a tendency to like pics / quotes that make me feel really insecure and sometimes disrespected.

Before we got together officially we had a problem with him dming girls and liking girls pics on Instagram and it led to me breaking things off. He ended up driving 3 hours to me to ask me out properly and promise to stop.
I felt as though I shouldn’t have to deal with things like this and I can wait for someone who will treat me the way I deserve.
Tbh that whole thing was very dramatic and soppy.

Anyways we’re 5 months in now, I truly believe that he’s stopped the dming but the liking of certain things continues.And as much as I try to ignore it, whenever I see something I still feel a huge pang on my heart and it makes me look at myself and our relationship differently.
Over time I just decided to unfollow him on Instagram, out of sight out of mind I guess. And I know he’s my boyfriend it’s weird for me to unfollow him, but I’d rather not see anything that upsets me than be hurt and make it into an issue.
Don’t get me wrong I have expressed these feelings to him before but nothing seemed to change.

Is there a better approach I can take than unfollowing him? Please help me out
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ChickenPie67
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i literally had the EXACT same problem with my gf, like legit it made me feel like he was indirectly speaking to me, or maybe i wasn’t good enough for her and these thoughts just ended up consuming me from the inside and yh it was crappy, i ended up breaking up with her.

Honestly, i think if he makes you feel like that you should leave him. The fact that you picked up on his behaviour like that shows you know what it means to be ina. rekationship and the standards there are, the morals, you know? So know your worth and don’t settle for anything less.

Trust me, ina. relationship it feels like no one is better looking or can make you feel good, but as soon as you leave you realise there are so many fish in the sea and such bette people you know?

Just leave man honestly, breaking up with my gf because she was just really open to other guys and dming liking comemnting weird things on other guys instas, it was the best decision i ever made and now i’m more focused at skl etc.

Know your worth!!!
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ChickenPie67
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*she was indirectly
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ChickenPie67)
i literally had the EXACT same problem with my gf, like legit it made me feel like he was indirectly speaking to me, or maybe i wasn’t good enough for her and these thoughts just ended up consuming me from the inside and yh it was crappy, i ended up breaking up with her.

Honestly, i think if he makes you feel like that you should leave him. The fact that you picked up on his behaviour like that shows you know what it means to be ina. rekationship and the standards there are, the morals, you know? So know your worth and don’t settle for anything less.

Trust me, ina. relationship it feels like no one is better looking or can make you feel good, but as soon as you leave you realise there are so many fish in the sea and such bette people you know?

Just leave man honestly, breaking up with my gf because she was just really open to other guys and dming liking comemnting weird things on other guys instas, it was the best decision i ever made and now i’m more focused at skl etc.

Know your worth!!!
Thank you so much for your reply it has really helped to put things in to perspective. However I do love him a lot and he really has helped me In these months I have known him.
i’m not quite ready to let this break us, but I’ve been ignoring his calls and texts all day. I’m not sure how to address it but I know I have to. And tbh this is like the 3rd time I’ve had to! Definitely the last. I’m not putting up with this childish stuff anymore.
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Zarek
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It doesn’t sound so unnatural and serious, unless he’s doing it deliberately to create conflict. Of course you can set the rules for if he wants to continue with you. However, from what I see and counterintuitively, the best way to hold on to a partner you desire is to be totally non-possessive
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ifreakingloveme
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if he makes you feel insecure, believe me, you're better off single. People don’t get into relationships so they can give up their whole lives to be constantly worried. While some insecurity we make up ourselves, our boyfriends are not supposed to fuel the fire. Intentional or not, if the guy you’re with doesn’t make you feel like he wants to be with you, then you don’t need to be with him. End of story. Anything other than that is just a waste of your time.
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Gaddafi
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Damn, all these insecure people controlling their partners social media.....
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ifreakingloveme
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(Original post by Gaddafi)
Damn, all these insecure people controlling their partners social media.....
no one's controlling anyone's social media. he made a conscious choice to be with her, so he already knew what he was going into. why make the girl feel insecure, then?
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ChickenPie67
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(Original post by Gaddafi)
Damn, all these insecure people controlling their partners social media.....
it’s not about that, yeah you can have friends of the opposite gender but there’s a boundary you know? flirting etc.
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winterskies7516
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i’m not quite ready to let this break us, but I’ve been ignoring his calls and texts all day. I’m not sure how to address it but I know I have to. And tbh this is like the 3rd time I’ve had to! Definitely the last. I’m not putting up with this childish stuff anymore.
This is the hardest part; if you love him it's harder to know whether it's worth breaking up over. I've had the same issue with my bf and it's always been this thing that's gotten to me but I thought I'd sound irrational. What you've got to try and remember is he chose and wants to be with you. Seems he must feel strongly for you if he drove 3 hours to you to make it work! I guess it comes down to whether he is a good partner in all other aspects, eg being caring, kind, good communication etc. If the rest of the relationship is strong, maybe this will fizzle and over time you'll feel more secure in knowing he has the best already - you!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ChickenPie67)
it’s not about that, yeah you can have friends of the opposite gender but there’s a boundary you know? flirting etc.
Exactly! My bf literally has a girl friend he is super close with and she is like the coolest most interesting person ever. I feel no way about their relationship in the slightest. I would say the last thing I am is possessive
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Gaddafi
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(Original post by ifreakingloveme)
no one's controlling anyone's social media. he made a conscious choice to be with her, so he already knew what he was going into. why make the girl feel insecure, then?
Mate, she is controlling his social media. If you want to I can get out the definition. Now yes, that control element is part of the relationship - and he voluntarily gave up his freedom so I'm not saying that she is wrong to hold him to the terms of the relationship. I'm just noting the fact that it is controlling - and no the fact that it is part of the relationship doesn't make it less so.

(Original post by ChickenPie67)
it’s not about that, yeah you can have friends of the opposite gender but there’s a boundary you know? flirting etc.
Liking posts is not flirting. Commenting might be. But likes are definitely not.
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ifreakingloveme
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(Original post by Gaddafi)
Mate, she is controlling his social media. If you want to I can get out the definition. Now yes, that control element is part of the relationship - and he voluntarily gave up his freedom so I'm not saying that she is wrong to hold him to the terms of the relationship. I'm just noting the fact that it is controlling - and no the fact that it is part of the relationship doesn't make it less so.
i mean, if you put it that way, then fine.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Gaddafi)
Mate, she is controlling his social media. If you want to I can get out the definition. Now yes, that control element is part of the relationship - and he voluntarily gave up his freedom so I'm not saying that she is wrong to hold him to the terms of the relationship. I'm just noting the fact that it is controlling - and no the fact that it is part of the relationship doesn't make it less so.


Liking posts is not flirting. Commenting might be. But likes are definitely not.
I think I should elaborate on the nature of these posts as some people are not understanding.

The posts are usually naked/half naked woman, quotes that someone in a relationship should not be thinking or saying or quotes that basically indirect me as a girlfriend.

for me to not want to have the feelings I get when I see him do this is not controlling
.I believe in a relationship you give up certain things you would normally do to accommodate your partners thoughts and feelings (within reason of course).
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