Finding other sober students? Good idea?

Watch
userhep
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Essentially, I have applied to a couple universities and am now on Facebook groups for applicants. I want to get to know people and, from last year, I'm familiar with the fact that course and accommodation chats get made.

However, as much as I'd like to know potential coursemates and other first years, I don't relate much to topics of conversation. Already, people are talking of 'seshes' and drinking and all that sort of stuff which is really not my thing. I'm a rather reserved person (and have had CBT for social anxiety) and I don't drink. I know from my time at uni this past year, before dropping out due to my mental health, that I just end up having panic attacks so those sort of things just don't work as a social event for me, especially without anyone I'm comfortable with already.

So, in short, is it weird to ask on the Facebook groups if there's anyone else who doesn't drink/prefers not to party?

I just think it might help reassure me I can get through uni this time if I know there are people who are going to be okay socialising in different contexts like I do. But I also worry it may make me come across as pretentious/boring/childish to the (most likely majority) who do like a drink + a party.
0
reply
zazzy.r
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
I mean I am in the same position as you, but it would definitely be reassuring too! If those people think you're weird for wanting that, maybe you don't want their friendship anyway? I have been meaning to because I'm already on some of these chats, but I'm a scaredy-cat oops
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
I’m applying to uni this year and have thought about this too, so I definitely get where you’re coming from. While I think an occasional drink is perfectly enjoyable with the right company, there’s so much more I want to explore and experience with other people at uni besides getting drunk. I kinda hate this idea that a ‘university experience’ has to be centred around just partying or excessive alcohol consumption. Also, just the thought of people seeing me in such a vulnerable state, especially people I’ve only just met, feels pretty terrifying to me. With that in mind, I think you should try to do what’s best for you, without worrying too much about what other people may (or may not!) think. Just as you respect their choice to drink, they should show the same respect for your decision not to. And if they don’t, they’re not worth your time anyway. Hope that helps somehow, good luck!
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
Honestly I feel the same way I hate fact that uni is so heavily associated with drinking and partying
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
I’m in a similar situation When I go to uni I won’t even be 18 for 7 months so I can’t even go and join my friends if I have any lol. I’m planning to stay sober so I’m kinda in the same situation it’s hard, but I genuinely don’t think anyone will judge you because you don’t drink. If they do then don’t be friends with them cause that’s super rude. I don’t think they drink all the time so most of the time I think you should be fine.
0
reply
Scotney
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by userhep)
Essentially, I have applied to a couple universities and am now on Facebook groups for applicants. I want to get to know people and, from last year, I'm familiar with the fact that course and accommodation chats get made.

However, as much as I'd like to know potential coursemates and other first years, I don't relate much to topics of conversation. Already, people are talking of 'seshes' and drinking and all that sort of stuff which is really not my thing. I'm a rather reserved person (and have had CBT for social anxiety) and I don't drink. I know from my time at uni this past year, before dropping out due to my mental health, that I just end up having panic attacks so those sort of things just don't work as a social event for me, especially without anyone I'm comfortable with already.

So, in short, is it weird to ask on the Facebook groups if there's anyone else who doesn't drink/prefers not to party?

I just think it might help reassure me I can get through uni this time if I know there are people who are going to be okay socialising in different contexts like I do. But I also worry it may make me come across as pretentious/boring/childish to the (most likely majority) who do like a drink + a party.
The only thing I would caution is do you want to give so much information away before people meet you. There will be plenty non drinkers there in reality. If you do post make it positive. Look for people who share your interests perhaps rather than other socially anxious people. More than 1/4 of students do not drink according to stats.
0
reply
userhep
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Scotney)
The only thing I would caution is do you want to give so much information away before people meet you. There will be plenty non drinkers there in reality. If you do post make it positive. Look for people who share your interests perhaps rather than other socially anxious people. More than 1/4 of students do not drink according to stats.
What would you say constitutes as too much info? I'm not exactly planning on giving everyone my mental health history and seeing who's the exact same lmao - if I can I'd rather leave my mental health out of these conversations w/ the people I may end up studying/living with because I know there's a risk some of them will write me off for it.

And, I know about the stats but, like I've said, I also know from experience at uni that it's hard to find the non-drinkers (and, yes, I admit covid had a part in that because the restrictions at the uni meant socialising in lessons or at societies was pretty much just impossible where I was so the only meeting opportunities were at parties hosted by students in their flats but it's still uncertain how much more in-person things will be able to officially be next year).

Like, a lot of people get invited places and hang out at parties - those are the things that get put on the big group chats for people to attend (based on my experience) and everyone who doesn't like that, doesn't get those open, easy invites to social occasions in those early weeks. And, I just wanna see if I can find people who also don't like that so we can have a group to like host things that we're more comfortable with to try and make friends in those early weeks? Y'know before (hopefully, covid-permitting) we start making friends at society meetings and in class and so on?

So yeah, like what would you say is too much info? And how would you make a post positive?
0
reply
Scotney
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by userhep)
What would you say constitutes as too much info? I'm not exactly planning on giving everyone my mental health history and seeing who's the exact same lmao - if I can I'd rather leave my mental health out of these conversations w/ the people I may end up studying/living with because I know there's a risk some of them will write me off for it.

And, I know about the stats but, like I've said, I also know from experience at uni that it's hard to find the non-drinkers (and, yes, I admit covid had a part in that because the restrictions at the uni meant socialising in lessons or at societies was pretty much just impossible where I was so the only meeting opportunities were at parties hosted by students in their flats but it's still uncertain how much more in-person things will be able to officially be next year).

Like, a lot of people get invited places and hang out at parties - those are the things that get put on the big group chats for people to attend (based on my experience) and everyone who doesn't like that, doesn't get those open, easy invites to social occasions in those early weeks. And, I just wanna see if I can find people who also don't like that so we can have a group to like host things that we're more comfortable with to try and make friends in those early weeks? Y'know before (hopefully, covid-permitting) we start making friends at society meetings and in class and so on?

So yeah, like what would you say is too much info? And how would you make a post positive?
Well exactly the things you say. Focus on trying to find people who share your interests and it is also okay to say you are keen to meet other non drinkers. Yes I was alluding to not oversharing but you are obvs aware of that pitfall. You got positive responses about tee total discussions on here so go for it. All the best.
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#9
Report 4 weeks ago
#9
This reassures me a lot! I am very similar as I am not a huge fan of excessive drinking. I have been anxious recently as the fact I start uni soon is scaring me and this is a factor that worries me. I do drink don't get me wrong but I have never gotten drunk to the point where I am paralytic purely because I don't want to. I have emetophobia (fear of sick) which is why I don't want to get in that state but I am scared people will judge me. Personally, if I were to meet someone who doesn't drink I wouldn't judge them at all probably because I relate and understand. I really wouldn't worry too much about it. I do enjoy parties however but I guess that just depends on what you find fun. There are so many other things you can do to socialise at uni. I have been on a few gc with people applying to the same unis as me and some have said they don't drink much but then on others people have been telling their experiences which I just can't relate with at all and does make me feel a bit out of it. I haven't always had a great friendship group which is why I haven't gone out and experienced a lot before which sucks but whatever. Anyway, the point is there will definitely be people who are the same as you so I would say it in a light hearted way, don't go into too much detail as you don't want to go too much into it. Hope that helps!
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Following the government's announcement, do you think you will be awarded a fair grade this year?

Yes (609)
49.11%
No (631)
50.89%

Watched Threads

View All