I need some advice

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jaffacakehero
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My mum is ill at the moment.I offered to do all the housework and everything whilst she rests and gets better. She complained that "mums don't ever get a rest from work, even when they're ill" when I literally said I would do everything for her and she refused. She keeps complaining she feels exhausted. I really want to help her but I don't know how if she keeps refusing it. I don't understand why she keeps refusing help when she complains that nobody ever does anything around the house.

I'm autistic so I might be missing something. What Can I do to help her ?
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Louisa_99
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Hi! Sorry to hear your mum's sick. I hope she feels better soon!

Offering to help someone can be really tricky, because it's hard to know if they're refusing just to be polite or not. It may also be a pride thing. Perhaps she doesn't want to admit that she needs the help (despite complaining about it, I know. People do this sometimes and it's very confusing).

She might also just want something to complain about. If she's someone who complains in other aspects of life, this could be why she refuses help yet still complains about it.

Perhaps try helping her out without asking her first and see how she reacts? If it's a pride thing, she might not acknowledge that you helped, which can be difficult because we all like recognition for the things we do. But maybe she'll appreciate being helped without having to tell you how to help.

It sounds like you really want to help and she needs the help, so doing it might help relieve your conscience. If she gets mad because you helped out, then you know for next time. And she's your mum - I'm sure she loves you unconditionally and will forgive you for helping out.

I'm relatively lucky because I understand how and why people may do things, but I don't always understand that particular person's motive, and then I just see an array of posibilities to choose from and end up overthinking it :')

From one neurodiverse to another, you've got this!
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jaffacakehero
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(Original post by Louisa_99)
Hi! Sorry to hear your mum's sick. I hope she feels better soon!

Offering to help someone can be really tricky, because it's hard to know if they're refusing just to be polite or not. It may also be a pride thing. Perhaps she doesn't want to admit that she needs the help (despite complaining about it, I know. People do this sometimes and it's very confusing).

She might also just want something to complain about. If she's someone who complains in other aspects of life, this could be why she refuses help yet still complains about it.

Perhaps try helping her out without asking her first and see how she reacts? If it's a pride thing, she might not acknowledge that you helped, which can be difficult because we all like recognition for the things we do. But maybe she'll appreciate being helped without having to tell you how to help.

It sounds like you really want to help and she needs the help, so doing it might help relieve your conscience. If she gets mad because you helped out, then you know for next time. And she's your mum - I'm sure she loves you unconditionally and will forgive you for helping out.

I'm relatively lucky because I understand how and why people may do things, but I don't always understand that particular person's motive, and then I just see an array of posibilities to choose from and end up overthinking it :')

From one neurodiverse to another, you've got this!
Thank you. I will definitely try this. It is really really really helpful
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anon033
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(Original post by jaffacakehero)
My mum is ill at the moment.I offered to do all the housework and everything whilst she rests and gets better. She complained that "mums don't ever get a rest from work, even when they're ill" when I literally said I would do everything for her and she refused. She keeps complaining she feels exhausted. I really want to help her but I don't know how if she keeps refusing it. I don't understand why she keeps refusing help when she complains that nobody ever does anything around the house.

I'm autistic so I might be missing something. What Can I do to help her ?
It could also be because she feels it's her responsibility and doesn't want to burden you. It's kind that you're trying to help, there's some great advice already on this post, and she knows you have good intentions.

Maybe you guys could do the chores together or try and split them so she still feels useful. Maybe she doesn't want to sit by while she feels you're doing all the work, she's thinking about what's best for you and not her!

See how it goes, but I'm sure if you have an honest conversation about what she wants you to do - whether it be household chores or just wanting to talk and complain a bit so she feels better - and then you'll know a bit more.
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