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Messed about with best friends boyfriend..

Okay basically I want some advice on what to do now but I'll need to explain to what happened...
Basically, whilst my friend was travelling on her gap year, her boyfriend 'tried it on' with me to which I was intially horrified and shocked about because he's been dating my friend for over 3 years and had always given the impression of being a really solid and loving boyfriend to my friend. We talked about it and he claimed it was a mistake- he was drunk- and that he loved my friend and begged me not to say anything...so I didn't.

Then we got really close over the summer and he had a party and we were cuddled on the sofa (everyone was dancing in another room) and we started kissing...and it felt so right so I let this happen and ended up spending the night with him. I left in the morning and he just acted like nothing happened so I went along with it. I then texted him saying that I was sorry and that it shouldn't happen again and agreed not to tell anyone.

His girlfriend (my best friend) has now come back from travelling and they've been really close again so I thought what had happened was forgotten, but two weeks ago he had an argument with her and turned up at my house...

So now I want this to stop because it's wrong on so many levels but I just don't know what to say to him. Advice please?

Reply 1

Elvis the Pelvis

Tell her..say your sorry, she'll find out anyway so why not let it come from you?

Reply 2

fargo89

13

Rooroo12262

So now I want this to stop because it's wrong on so many levels but I just don't know what to say to him.

how about "this is wrong on so many levels"

Reply 3

Kitty_x

1

Just tell him you want it to stop.
Your best friend doesn't diserve to be treated like that from either of you, she will find out one day. Just imagine how you would feel?
I think she needs to know, tell him to tell her or your going to do it.

Reply 4

inksplodge

17

He obviously doesn't love her if he's going to someone else. I think you should confess - better hearing it from your mouth than someone elses through rumours or the like.

Reply 5

iamtheeggman

1

You need to tell her. It's better it comes from you and atleast it shows some respect from your side of things that it's you telling her and she doesn't hear as a rumour.
You also, imo, owe her as a friend to tell her that her bf has cheated on her - even if it' was with you.
This happened to me and i forgave my best friend but dumped my bf. However, if she does forgive you, you need to make an extra effort to put things back to normal again coz my friend didn't and expected me to make the effort so we don't talk anymore.
Good luck and hopefully she will understand it was a mistake! :smile:

Reply 6

StrangerthanEleven

12

Firstly I'll start off being blunt as I think its necessary instead of all this 'don't worry you made a mistake' rubbish..you should feel very ashamed. I dont think you realise what an awful thing it is you have done. She is as you say your best friend, and you go behind her back when shes out of the country and sleep with her boyfriend of 3 years. Its irrelevant who started it, you let it happen. If one of my friends boyfriend tried it on with me I would tell him exactly how it is and keep my distance. And possibly tell my friend what her boyfriend has been up to behind her back.

But as this is all too little too late the least you can do is try and fix the mess you have made and tell her the truth, so she can decide whether she wants to be with her boyfriend or not. Don't expect her to want much to do with you after this. As they say you've made your bed..now lie in it.

Reply 7

Closer*

hayles101

Firstly I'll start off with the telling off as I think its necessary..you should feel very ashamed. I dont think you realise what an awful thing it is you have done. She is as you say your best friend, and you go behind her back when shes out of the country and sleep with her boyfriend of 3 years. Its irrelevant who started it, you let it happen. If one of my friends boyfriend tried it on with me I would tell him exactly how it is and keep my distance. And possibly tell my friend what her boyfriend has been up to behind her back.

But as this is all too little too late the least you can do is try and fix the mess you have made and tell her the truth, so she can decide whether she wants to be with her boyfriend or not. Don't expect her to want much to do with you after this. As they say you've made your bed..now lie in it.

I agree, you owe it to her to let her know what hes been doing it would be so wrong to let her carry on as normal with this boy. Whatever you do dont say it felt 'natural' that would completley destroy me if i was her. Make sure you show her how ashamed and bad you feel.

Reply 8

Rooroo12262

OP

Thanks for all your advice. I'm not trying to justify my actions at all, I know it was wrong and I know if I was in my friends position I totally wouldn't forgive me! Having said that I know I can't tell her, I just know it would cause so much upset. I'll just be firm with him and hope both of us have the self-control and enough respect for my friend to prevent anything ever happening again. I really dont know how I got myself into this position.
Part of me just needed someone to tell me how horrible I've been so thanks.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Rooroo12262

Thanks for all your advice. I'm not trying to justify my actions at all, I know it was wrong and I know if I was in my friends position I totally wouldn't forgive me! Having said that I know I can't tell her, I just know it would cause so much upset. I'll just be firm with him and hope both of us have the self-control and enough respect for my friend to prevent anything ever happening again. I really dont know how I got myself into this position.
Part of me just needed someone to tell me how horrible I've been so thanks.

your post just reminded me of the other post which is the same as your case except that poor girl was in your best friend's position.

You are horrible.

Do you really think you're her friend? if so, why would you let it happen at first place?! if you know he's been "trying it on" why dont you distant yourself instead?

You're lucky if she forgives you.

Reply 10

Danielle89

14

Sorry but you're a bitch, and not a true friend.

Reply 11

Phantom Phoenix

13

Have to agree with everyone else who has said you're a horrible person and a dreadful friend. Now for the actual advice: tell her. She doesn't deserve to have a boyfriend who would do that to her, and she doesn't deserve to have a friend like you. Hopefully she'll have the sense to cut you both off. Sorry, I'm generally fairly liberally-minded, but this is horrific behaviour from a so-called friend.

Reply 12

Rusty33

Throw him under the bus. "He kep trying to make moves on me....he tried to kiss me....touched me." If they're breaking up anyway, save your own skin?

Reply 13

Phantom Phoenix

13

Rusty33

Throw him under the bus. "He kep trying to make moves on me....he tried to kiss me....touched me." If they're breaking up anyway, save your own skin?

Unfortunately, the OP either likes the guy or the attention, so that's not happening.

Reply 14

username391622

11

Rooroo12262

Thanks for all your advice. I'm not trying to justify my actions at all, I know it was wrong and I know if I was in my friends position I totally wouldn't forgive me! Having said that I know I can't tell her, I just know it would cause so much upset. I'll just be firm with him and hope both of us have the self-control and enough respect for my friend to prevent anything ever happening again. I really dont know how I got myself into this position.
Part of me just needed someone to tell me how horrible I've been so thanks.

Of course it's going to cause f***ing upset!
You slept with your best friend's boyfriend!
I think you're disgusting if you don't tell her. She will find out eventually and the fact that you've been keeping it from her will make it all the more painful and humiliating for her.
How can you bare to be around her and still be her 'best friend'? Where are your morals?

Messed about with best friends boyfriend..

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