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Worried about my depressed friend but also think the friendship is very one-sided?

I'm still friends with someone I met back in primary school (I'm 19 and she's 20). I have quite a few other friends besides her, but she's the person I'm in contact with the most frequency-wise because she messages me nearly every day. She's confirmed that she's been diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

For the past few months, I've got a bit worried for her as our conversations have taken a darker turn. It's almost always drama - she talks a lot about her boyfriend. I'd estimate she's had about 9 or so relationships over the years; she'll always get with someone new weeks after a break-up and then claim "This is the one". She always comes to me whenever she's worrying about something, usually boyfriend-related. Her worries have got very over-reactive recently - she thought her boyfriend was going to die from COVID (he's 21 and has no underlying conditions) and that he could die from alcohol poisoning when all he was having was one bottle of wine after a long day at work!

My worry is that I'm not doing either of us any favors by spending lots of time giving her advice and telling her not to worry. She didn't take my advice about volunteering to help her get a job (she's never worked so hasn't done anything since leaving college), and when I wrote a really well-written paragraph explaining why she shouldn't feel she always needs a boyfriend to be happy she just responded "Yeah well I do what's best for me."

I don't think she's made a single joke during our conversations. Whenever I try for some humor or a fun topic she responds very simply and then it's back to the drama. I've tried not responding to her "Heys" and usually she'll just text "Hey" again the next day. Aside from texting me so much I guess she doesn't do anything for me - she only occasionally thanks me for the advice, and even forgot to say happy birthday to me back in April! She's never asked to hang out first; we've seen each other in person a few times in the last couple years and it was always me asking.

I'm reluctant to tell her how I feel too bluntly due to her mental state; I know it's not my job to counsel her, but I'm also reluctant to reduce contact I guess cause I've known her so long. She just isn't the same cheerful, funny person I knew in Year 5, though :frown: Does anyone have any advice?
(edited 3 years ago)
People change a lot over the years, and personally I couldn’t see myself being friends with any of the people I was friends with in primary school anymore. We’re just completely different people and barely talk to each other in our final year of school now.

You could try to slowly stop contact with her. So it seems a bit more natural. Maybe give her lame advice about her boyfriend drama? The old “damn that sucks” always works for me LOL.

You could always tell her upfront as well, but I understand why that’s a bit scary for you considering her mental health. But you are completely not responsible for that, either way.
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