Just need to get this out. Say it out loud for once. I'm a bi girl and completely and hopelessly in love with my straight female best friend. And I'm not saying it to be melodramatic, honestly the best word is that she feels like home to me. When I'm near her, and it's just us I feel ridiculously happy. Like I'm high on just her. And although I find her attractive, it's really not about sex. I find myself daydreaming about stuff like being domestic together, cooking together, living together. I say this because she has contemplated that she may be asexual in the past though now she doesn't think she is. But anyhow even if we were to never do anything, I wouldn't care if I could still hold her hand. She means so much to me, mostly because we've helped eachother through alot (both had alot of mental health issues) She knows I have feelings for her, and although she doesn't reciprocate them it doesn't bother her. But though I've told her I love her, I've never said I was in love, never told the full extent, that sometimes I feel like I literally only breathe for her, and that when she walks into a room as cheesy as it sounds my heart literally does have palpitations. I'm a big believer that you shouldn't settle in life, and that you should only be with someone if you really want them and not for the sake of it. And because of her I know what being in love can be like. I can't even begin to imagine what having it recipricated would feel like but god I want it. And I'm teriffied I'll never have that becuase no one will ever live up to her. And there have been moments, low points of my life where I've even felt resentful of her and of how emotionally exhausting being in love with her is (toxic, I know but we all have deep dark thoughts we're ashamed of) even though of course it's not her fault. I'm scared that actively trying to "get over her" will damage our relationship becuase there is soo much overlap between my romantic and platonic feelings for her, tbh they're all one mushy puddle of devotion and idk how to detangle them. So yeah, never experiencing true love because of this, that's pretty much my biggest fear. Also I wish she'd hurry up and get a boyfriend already so we can rip that band-aid off, because I know it will hurt like hell and want it over and done with.