My boyfriend only sleeps with me when it’s on his terms

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Eloisenicole
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#1
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#1
Me (F19) and my boyfriend (M19 almost 20) have been together for about a year now. We live together as his family live in denmark and he cannot get there during the pandemic.

We started this relationship at a Christian couple. An extremely strict, serious Christian couple to say the least. We were celibate and our faith was our life and the foundation of our relationship.

Long story short, I’m now an atheist. And my boyfriend is still an extreme, radical and dedicated Christian.

My beliefs have changed, all of my values have changed. I’m now a feminist (I used to believe women only lived to serve the Lord and their husbands) and am fully loving, supportive and accepting of the LGBTQ community, however my boyfriend sadly still isn’t.

So long story short we slip up every now and then, always have, but here’s the issue... I love having sex with him. I haven’t had a chance to explore my sexuality, because of religion. I have been sexually assaulted numerous times in the past, and have realised that my body and my sexual desires have NEVER been in my own control. It is only when men want pleasure that I’m allowed to experience sex. And I absolutely hate it.

So I’m not allowed to initiate sex with my boyfriend (of course as he’s trying to be celibate), yet if I even kiss him in a more than peck way he has to have control over how long it lasts (about 4 seconds), and god forbid I initiate sex (even if we’ve been sleeping together for the past 2 or 3 days on his terms for example). By initiate I mean I’ll touch him, ask for consent, and he’ll say no. That’s okay!! Of course!! But why is it only a no when I initiate it. But when he initiates we have sex. What do I do??
Last edited by Eloisenicole; 11 months ago
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Dunnig Kruger
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#2
Report 11 months ago
#2
Kick him out of your house (he can get other student digs or go back to Denmark) and you should then get a new boyfriend.

If the next boyfriend isn't compatible with you in the key areas, dump him too. And keep going till you get someone good enough.

The key areas are being compatible when it comes to:
sex
money and family finances, spending and saving
how you resolve conflict
number of children desired
basic philosophy and approach to raising children

And yes, you are quite right on wanting to assert control over your own sexual activity. You sound like a woman with her head screwed on properly. You deserve to have a great sex life.
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Eloisenicole
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#3
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#3
Dunnig Kruger I seriously needed to hear this. I think you just made my day. Thank you so much xxxx
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Sabertooth
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#4
Report 11 months ago
#4
I agree with Dunnig that it sounds like you have very different values to each other. It also seems like he's ok having sex against his religion only when it suits him but not when it suits you - it sounds very pick and choose and that's wrong. I don't know how you can put up with his views when yours are now so different. I don't usually tell people to end it as it's so serious and I only have a limited view but if you're a feminist wanting control of your own life and body it just doesn't seem like he'd be cool with that long term.
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Gaddafi
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#5
Report 11 months ago
#5
Break up with him. You are no longer compatible as your values are now different. Find someone more compatible.
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TJ1997
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#6
Report 11 months ago
#6
Agree with everything posted so far.

Your changed views and growing differences on sex are definitely driving a wedge between the both of you here which probably won't end well if you keep trying to make it work. He sounds selfish, entitled and desperate to only satisfy his own desires.

Best to break it off with him and find a partner that shares your values but also understands your sexual needs.
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