What marks would you think I would get for any essay? Any improvemets?

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sameer5
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“How does Orwell use Napoleon to present ideas about leadership?”



In the allegory “Animal Farm” Orwell shoes the tyranny of Napoleon, showing what an alleged “animalist” republic is instead a dictatorship had how he is similar to Joseph Stalin and Hitler.

Napoleon becomes in charge in chapter 5 as snowball is exiled from the farm. The dogs “wagged their tales as the other dogs had done to Mr Jones.” using the simile in the phrase, “as the other dogs to Mr Jones” - Orwell's is connotating Napoleon to Mr Jones, and may be foreshadow how Napoleon may treat the farm like a dictatorship; similar to Mr Jones in chapter 1, where the animals suffered.

Napoleon then makes decisions which makes some animals to rebel where they are punished severely “acted swiftly and ruthlessly ordered the hens rations to be cut down and any animal giving a grain of corn should be punished by death. Using the verb “order”; Napoleon has dominion over the hens which goes again animalism where “all animals are equal” - Napoleon now seems like Joseph Stalin where he forced the animals into collectivisation. Peasants who did not agree with him were sent to gulags or starved to death. Napoleon here acted “swiftly and ruthlessly” similarly to Stalin, starving the hens.

In Chapter 6, Napoleon uses Snowball's exile to make him a scapegoat as everything that went wrong on the farm was blamed on him. Napoleon tells the animals that the windmill was not destroyed but sabotaged by snowball and shows them the “evidence” of Snowballs footprints. This makes the animals believe that Napoleon is the only one who can protect him. Napoleons actions are similar to Hitler- where he used the Jews as scapegoats for Germany’s political problem, which made him win the 1932 elections.

Napoleon has brutal dogs who kill animals if they are suspected to be against the farm by “tearing their throats out”. Napoleon has no mercy for traitors in the farm, he will give them the most painful punishment. Napoleons dogs are similar to Stalin's KGB which brutally killed any opposition.

Overall, Napoleon's rule is similar to Stalin's where animals suffered. Orwell made this book to inform the British people about communism, and by staying quiet the leaders are becoming more powerful. Orwell often mocks the animals for their stupidity- he is basically mocking the proletariat for being so ignorant about Stalin; treating him like a god like figure just like the animals. Perhaps Orwell may also suggest that we are acting like animals and if we don’t use our intelligence, then we will be exploited. Marxism is impossible to achieve as everyone has greed in some way.
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xi._.xi._.xi
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Some spelling issues and a lack of adequate punctuation (commas/semicolons needed). The use of "may" in the last two sentences makes little sense. The ideas put across are fine, if regurgitated, but most of the issues are grammatical or based in making your writing flow nicely. 5?
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sy!¡
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(Original post by xi._.xi._.xi)
Some spelling issues and a lack of adequate punctuation (commas/semicolons needed). The use of "may" in the last two sentences makes little sense. The ideas put across are fine, if regurgitated, but most of the issues are grammatical or based in making your writing flow nicely. 5?
5 out of what
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xi._.xi._.xi
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(Original post by sy!¡)
5 out of what
A grade 5 in the 9-1 GCSE system. A B/C grade.
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sy!¡
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(Original post by xi._.xi._.xi)
A grade 5 in the 9-1 GCSE system. A B/C grade.
ohhhhhh i get u

i thought u meant 5 marks haha
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xi._.xi._.xi
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(Original post by sy!¡)
ohhhhhh i get u

i thought u meant 5 marks haha
Ha no worries! I wasn't sure what your exam board was so didn't give a mark :3
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(Original post by xi._.xi._.xi)
Ha no worries! I wasn't sure what your exam board was so didn't give a mark :3
i’m not the OP
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sameer5
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(Original post by xi._.xi._.xi)
Ha no worries! I wasn't sure what your exam board was so didn't give a mark :3
Haha, my exam board is AQA.
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sameer5
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(Original post by xi._.xi._.xi)
Some spelling issues and a lack of adequate punctuation (commas/semicolons needed). The use of "may" in the last two sentences makes little sense. The ideas put across are fine, if regurgitated, but most of the issues are grammatical or based in making your writing flow nice
Thanks for the feedback, how could I improve this to a Grade 7?
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