i feel like such an awful person writing this. But i need help.
I am in a 'group' of 6. two are in two other groups, two are best friends, and of those best friends one of them is also very close with another girl in this group. Sorry that sounds so confusing.
The point is - I don't have a 'best friend' I have this group and this group only. Meanwhile they all have one specific person they can talk to.
I'm fine with that, of course. Some of them have known each other longer than me. The issue is that next year we are all going into a-levels. That means two more years in this same school i'm in (it's a high school + sixth form).
Two more years with these same people who I don't really feel connected to.
If i want to, I can put the extra effort in when talking with them. I can animate myself, laugh louder, work harder to be open. But it's so draining. Maybe this makes me a bad person. Having conversations with them drains me.
My other option is minimal interaction. I don't usually text them much. I don't text any of them of individually much, except maybe about school work. I'm becoming distant but only because I already feel so disconnected from them.
It's not that they're bad people. Sure they talk about other people sometimes, but the problem mainly is that we're just so different.
So there's my problem: I don't know whether to keep acting like I feel comfortable and engaging with them, or just not bother draining myself and only talk to them when I need to.
We have two and a half more years of school together. These are the friends I have. If I ditch them, or even drift away, who am I left with? I'll be on my own.
So...sorry this was so longwinded and quite a small problem in the grand scheme of things, but I just don't know what to do.