Please rate my poem

Watch
anpanman 019
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#41
Report 2 months ago
#41
(Original post by Anonymous)
Bit random, good attempt though. If you read through the above comments, you will come across a reply that states you can't use the same words twice, I made this mistake too. However, I am now attempting to fix and make my poem stronger.
thank you for the tips
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#42
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#42
(Original post by anpanman 019)
thank you for the tips
No problem.
0
reply
iXeri
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#43
Report 2 months ago
#43
(Original post by 04MR17)
No worries, you asked for constructive feedback.

I understand what you meant by the line, my point was that grammatically it is not correct. It is either present tense "you tear me apart" or past tense "you teared me apart" or "you have torn me apart".
hmm i thought the only past tense of tear is tore not teared
1
reply
Anonymous #3
#44
Report 2 months ago
#44
(Original post by Anonymous)
Right, I understand how it is frowned upon to use exact words twice or more, but I literally couldn't think of anything else other than 'you'. I will have to find a synonym for it.
But u could also think of it as using repetition on purpose which mirrors the fact that it’s the only thing in ur head etc?
Poetry’s all up to interpretation haha
0
reply
Qxi.xli
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#45
Report 2 months ago
#45
(Original post by Anonymous)
Possibly one of the worst poems, lol. I wrote this in order to move on from someone, two people in fact. If no good, be honest. I respect constructive criticism.

Title: Time To Leave You Behind

Haunted by past events
Segments of you
Find someone new
Included to forget you
Time to leave you behind

You echo on my mind
I am blind to find someone new
All I can think of is you
Time to leave you behind

Broken hearted since you left
You were kind
You echo on my mind
Time to leave you behind

Shot in the heart
You torn me apart
Locked in the dark
Time to leave you behind

You echo on my mind
Find comfort in pain
Nothing but rain
Time to leave you behind
quite good ngl
0
reply
04MR17
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#46
Report 2 months ago
#46
(Original post by iXeri)
hmm i thought the only past tense of tear is tore not teared
Tore is the verb, teared is the noun.
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#47
Report 2 months ago
#47
(Original post by 04MR17)
Tore is the verb, teared is the noun.
Ummm where did u get that from? I don’t think teared is a noun?!
Can u give an example of that in a sentence
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#48
Report 2 months ago
#48
(Original post by 04MR17)
Tore is the verb, teared is the noun.
Also how can a noun be past tense?!
Maybe u should re-read what u said earlier?
0
reply
04MR17
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#49
Report 2 months ago
#49
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ummm where did u get that from? I don’t think teared is a noun?!
Can u give an example of that in a sentence
"You have teared your clothing."
Have is the verb, teared is the noun - it is the state of being with regards to the clothing.
You could try looking this up if you aren't sure.
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#50
Report 2 months ago
#50
(Original post by 04MR17)
"You have teared your clothing."
Have is the verb, teared is the noun - it is the state of being with regards to the clothing.
You could try looking this up if you aren't sure.
Ummmm actually have is the auxiliary verb which cannot exist without the past participle in this context... teared is acting as the past participle but it should be torn...
1
reply
Anonymous #3
#51
Report 2 months ago
#51
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ummmm actually have is the auxiliary verb which cannot exist without the past participle in this context... teared is acting as the past participle but it should be torn...
The perfect tense is made up of an auxiliary verb (the conjugations of have...) and the past participle... maybe look up the perfect tense?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#52
Report Thread starter 2 months ago
#52
04MR17 I spent hours re-editing the poem. How is it now?

Updated title: Time To Say Goodbye

Haunted by past events
Segments of you
Flow through my mind
Without means of escape
Time to say goodbye

Echos of yesterday
Never found anyone to stay
Thoughts of us
We were reckless
Time to say goodbye

Lonesome nights are forecast
Crestfallen since we met last
We drawn closer to the end
Send my love away
Time to say goodbye

Shoot me down in flames
I hear nothing but names
Driven to the dark
Chimes of a broken heart
Time to say goodbye

Recapture all the memories
I am beginning to forget
Residue of forgotten days
Time to say goodbye
0
reply
04MR17
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#53
Report 2 months ago
#53
(Original post by Anonymous)
04MR17 I spent hours re-editing the poem. How is it now?

Updated title: Time To Say Goodbye

Haunted by past events
Segments of you
Flow through my mind
Without means of escape
Time to say goodbye

Echos of yesterday
Never found anyone to stay
Thoughts of us
We were reckless
Time to say goodbye

Lonesome nights are forecast
Crestfallen since we met last
We drawn closer to the end
Send my love away
Time to say goodbye

Shoot me down in flames
I hear nothing but names
Driven to the dark
Chimes of a broken heart
Time to say goodbye

Recapture all the memories
I am beginning to forget
Residue of forgotten days
Time to say goodbye
Looks really good to me
Try reading it out loud to yourself - see if you want to change any of it within a rhythm.
This is your choice as the writer though.
0
reply
Chadalac
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#54
Report 1 month ago
#54
(Original post by Anonymous)
Possibly one of the worst poems, lol. I wrote this in order to move on from someone, two people in fact. If no good, be honest. I respect constructive criticism.

Title: Time To Leave You Behind

Haunted by past events
Segments of you
Find someone new
Included to forget you
Time to leave you behind

You echo on my mind
I am blind to find someone new
All I can think of is you
Time to leave you behind

Broken hearted since you left
You were kind
You echo on my mind
Time to leave you behind

Shot in the heart
You torn me apart
Locked in the dark
Time to leave you behind

You echo on my mind
Find comfort in pain
Nothing but rain
Time to leave you behind
It's good
0
reply
Chadalac
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#55
Report 1 month ago
#55
The time that I've wasted is my biggest regret spent in these places how could I ever forget..
Sitting here thinking about all the things I've done the crying to laughing the hurt and the fun.. now it's just me and my hard-driven guilt behind a wall of emptiness that I allowed to be built now trapped in a body with Nowhere to Run I want to go back to where it all begun..
But the chase is over and there's no place to hide everything is gone including my Pride what's reality suddenly right in my face I'm scared and alone left with no faith now memories of the past they still flash through my head and the pain is obvious because of the tears that i shed. I Ask myself where I went wrong I guess I was weak when I should have been strong living for the drugs and wings that I've grown my feelings were lost and afraid to
Be shown..
As I look back at my past it's so easy to see get the fear that I had just afraid to be me I pretended like I was rugged and fast and cool when actually I was lost like a bonded old full. I'm getting too old and tired of this game of acting real hard with no sense of Shame.. it's time to change and get on with my life cuz I hope one day I do have a family and wife what my future holds no one really knows but the years that I've wasted are starting to show I just live for the day that I get a new start and the dreams I still hold deep I hope I can make it at least I got to try because I'm headed towards death and I really don't want to die.....
0
reply
trusfratedblink
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#56
Report 4 weeks ago
#56
(Original post by anpanman 019)
read my poem and rate it


You can't spell brave without BTS
You can't spell life without BTS
You can't spell forever without BTS
You can't spell believe without BTS
You can't spell heaven without Taehyung
You can't spell visual without BTS
You can't spell victory without Taehyung
You can't spell valuable without NAMJOON KIM
You can't spell vibrant without JEON JUNGKOOK
You can't spell deserving without Taehyung
You can't spell favorite without MIN YOONGI
You can't spell vocal without BTS
You can't spell creative without BTS
You can't spell active without J HOPE JUNG HOSEOK
You can't spell divine without JIMIN
You can't spell vigor without BTS
You can't spell universe without BTS
You can't spell anything without BTS
You can'st spell handsome without SEOKJIN KIM
You can't spell love without Taehyung
woahhhh penggg 💜
0
reply
CharlieWex
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#57
Report 4 weeks ago
#57
That's not a bad thing. You know, I write poetry too, but I'm too shy to show it.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

What factors affect your mental health the most right now?

Anxiousness about lockdown easing (147)
4.88%
Uncertainty around my education (444)
14.75%
Uncertainty around my future career prospects (338)
11.23%
Lack of purpose or motivation (420)
13.95%
Lack of support system (eg. teachers, counsellors, delays in care) (140)
4.65%
Impact of lockdown on physical health (182)
6.04%
Loneliness (259)
8.6%
Financial worries (109)
3.62%
Concern about myself or my loves ones getting/having been ill (123)
4.09%
Exposure to negative news/social media (136)
4.52%
Lack of real life entertainment (163)
5.41%
Lack of confidence in making big life decisions (266)
8.83%
Worry about missed opportunities during the pandemic (284)
9.43%

Watched Threads

View All