Make it More Antiques Programme-ey !!

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the bear
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#1
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#1
so today we use puns to investigate TV shows like Flog It, Antiques Roadshow, Bargain Hunt & that

Honey I Shrunk the Bids

Spoiler:
Show
skulduggery at the auction house...


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the bear
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#2
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#2
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catego...evision_series

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_antiques_experts
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the bear
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#3
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#3
https://www.theantiquetrade.co.uk/gl...terms-22-w.asp
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the bear
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#4
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#4
The Bonus Collector

Spoiler:
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the Bonus Buy can make all the difference if your first three items let you down :yep:
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mnot
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#5
Report 11 months ago
#5
Deal Armstrong
After Estimates
Twinkle twinkle little vase
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the bear
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#6
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#6
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bargain_Hunt
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Fullofsurprises
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#7
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#7
The Repeat is Not Enough

Crowded Auction House ("Julius Caesar and the Roman Empire couldn't corner Sky TV")

The Sound of 78 Music

The Day the TV Stood Still
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nulli tertius
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#8
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#8
Don’t Cry for Me, Arthur Negus
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the bear
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#9
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#9
(Original post by mnot)
Deal Armstrong
After Estimates
Twinkle twinkle little vase
:woo: thanks for these items mnot. the auctioneer estimates them at £20 to £30. :teehee:

the people of Galicia are grateful for your efforts:

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Clientes valiosos,
se desexas descubrir o que che depara
o futuro para ti e os teus seres queridos,
por que non tes unha palabra cun
gran Eduvixe na recepción?
é unha barajera experimentada e tamén unha meiga;
pode arrincar o veo que esconde o futuro por unha pequena taxa.

Breogán Xob Montelongo

Subdirector adxunto de prácticas supersticiosas e iso.


Spoiler:
Show
Valuable customers,
if you want to find out what the future holds
for you and your loved ones,
why not have a word with
a great Eduvixe at the reception?
she is an experienced shuffler and also a witch;
you can rip off the veil that hides the future for a small fee.

Breogán Xob Montelongo

Deputy Deputy Director of Superstitious Practices and that.
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the bear
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#10
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#10
(Original post by Fullofsurprises)
The Repeat is Not Enough

Crowded Auction House ("Julius Caesar and the Roman Empire couldn't corner Sky TV")

The Sound of 78 Music

The Day the TV Stood Still
:rave: well played Ma'am, these have a lovely patina

#2 does it for me :yep:

the people of Galicia rate your lots:

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Señoras,
por favor,
non fumes lampreas nos vestiarios.
É un hábito sucio e fai que
as cortinas cheiran noxento.
grande Clorinda,
a señora da limpeza non pode levar moito máis.
Xisela grande na recepción pode
darche un parche para usar no seu lugar.

Breogán Xob Montelongo

Subdirector adxunto de Hixiene de Cortinas e iso


Spoiler:
Show
Ladies,
please don’t smoke lampreys in the locker rooms.
It’s a dirty habit and makes the curtains smell disgusting.
great Clorinda,
the cleaning lady can't take much more.
Large Xisela at the front desk can give you a patch to use instead.

Breogán Xob Montelongo

Deputy Director of Curtain Hygiene and that
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the bear
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#11
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#11
(Original post by nulli tertius)
Don’t Cry for Me, Arthur Negus
:rofl: this made me drop my gavel :toofunny:

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the bear
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#12
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#12
cu2moro

*does Bargain Hunting Leg Kick

:wavey:
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Joinedup
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#13
Report 11 months ago
#13
M*A*S*H in the attic


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Aled Jones shows us a reproduction of a madcap Korean War era field hospital... In his loft.
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#14
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#14
Fiona Bruce Almighty
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harrysbar
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#15
Report 11 months ago
#15
Four Rooms with a View

The Repair Shop Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

The TSR Old Age Home Alone
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the bear
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#16
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#16
(Original post by Joinedup)
M*A*S*H in the attic


Spoiler:
Show

Aled Jones shows us a reproduction of a madcap Korean War era field hospital... In his loft.
:gah: Fiona Bruce is a dead ringer for Hotlips Houlihan :yep: :fan:

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the bear
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#17
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#17
(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
Fiona Bruce Almighty
:rave: FB ftw :woo:

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the bear
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#18
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#18
(Original post by harrysbar)
Four Rooms with a View

The Repair Shop Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

The TSR Old Age Home Alone
:rave: thank you for bigging up these shonky TV shows harrysbar OBE :five:

the people of Galicia are bidding on the phone:

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Señoras, por que non aparecen na recepción esta noite?
grande Xenoveva prepara unha Queimada para que todos o disfruten.
Desterraremos aos espíritos malignos dos vestiarios cantando este encantamento:

Firmino Xenxo Montecalvo

Subxerente adxunto de claptrap supersticioso e iso


Spoiler:
Show
Ladies,
why don't you show up at the reception tonight?
great Xenoveva prepares a Queimada for all to enjoy.
We will banish the evil spirits from the locker rooms by singing this enchantment:

Firmino Xenxo Montecalvo

Assistant deputy of superstitious claptrap and that




Spoiler:
Show


Mouchos, curuxas, sapos e bruxas.

Demos, trasgos e diaños,

espíritos das neboadas veigas.

Corvos, píntegas e meigas:

feitizos das menciñeiras.

Podres cañotas furadas,

fogar dos vermes e alimañas.

Lume das Santas Compañas,

mal de ollo, *****s meigallos,

cheiro dos mortos, tronos e raios.

Ouveo do can, pregón da morte;

fuciño do sátiro e pé do coello.

Pecadora lingua da mala muller

casada cun home vello.

Averno de Satán e Belcebú,

lume dos cadáveres ardentes,

corpos mutilados dos indecentes,

peidos dos infernais cus,

muxido da mar embravecida.

Barriga inútil da muller solteira,

falar dos gatos que andan á xaneira,

guedella porca da cabra mal parida.

Con este fol levantarei

as chamas deste lume

que asemella ao do Inferno,

e fuxirán as bruxas

a cabalo das súas vasoiras,

índose bañar na praia

das areas gordas.

¡Oíde, oíde! os ruxidos

que dan as que non poden

deixar de queimarse no augardente

quedando así purificadas.

E cando este beberaxe

baixe polas nosas gorxas,

quedaremos libres dos males

da nosa alma e de todo embruxamento.

Forzas do ar, terra, mar e lume,

a vós fago esta chamada:

se é verdade que tendes máis poder

que a humana xente,

eiquí e agora, facede que os espíritos

dos amigos que están fóra,

participen con nós desta Queimada.




Spoiler:
Show


Owls, barn owls, toads and witches.

Demons, goblins and devils,

spirits of the misty vales.

Crows, salamanders and witches,

charms of the folk healer(ess).

Rotten pierced canes,

home of worms and vermin.

Wisps of the Holy Company,

evil eye, black witchcraft,

scent of the dead, thunder and lightning.

Howl of the dog, omen of death,

maws of the satyr and foot of the rabbit.

Sinful tongue of the bad woman

married to an old man.

Satan and Beelzebub's Inferno,

fire of the burning corpses,

mutilated bodies of the indecent ones,

farts of the asses of doom,

bellow of the enraged sea.

Useless belly of the unmarried woman,

speech of the cats in heat,

dirty turf of the wicked born goat.

With this bellows I will pump

the flames of this fire

which looks like that from Hell,

and witches will flee,

straddling their brooms,

going to bathe in the beach

of the thick sands.

Hear! Hear the roars

of those that cannot

stop burning in the firewater,

becoming so purified.

And when this beverage

goes down our throats,

we will get free of the evil

of our soul and of any charm.

Forces of air, earth, sea and fire,

to you I make this call:

if it's true that you have more power

than people,

here and now, make the spirits

of the friends who are outside,

take part with us in this Queimada.
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the bear
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#19
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#19
Saturday Anita Fever

Spoiler:
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New weekend edition of Bargain Hunt is an unexpected lockdown hit
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the bear
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#20
Report Thread starter 11 months ago
#20
I've Got You Under My Raskin

Spoiler:
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Natasha off Bargain Hunt inspires devotion among men of a certain age :shakecane:
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