im fighting whether or not to be with him.. :(

anon please or delete.

Okay, call me over reactive or whatever. But would you feel a little offended if your boyfriend looked like he was having so much more fun with his female housemates than you? (i mean like... having them on his bed, lifting them over his shoulder, making suggesting poses against on another and stuff)

He's a lovely guy... but i dont think he has an effing clue what he's doing to me. I love that he's having a good time at his uni, and getting on with his room mates, but if i even attempt to mention that i feel a little left in the dark whilst his ego constantly grows (i dont say the ego bit to him obviously) from the attention he's getting, he'll say "wtf are you gonna be like this with every girl i meet?", "your so effing paranoid" "oooh sorry for making friends and im sorry that they're not male" . And he makes me feel like **** if i say it upsets me or makes me feel a bit blue, he'll turn it round to make me the bad person. i mean, what do i do? do i stay quiet? And just let him do what he does? Or actually be the person in the relationship to say what i feel :mad:

As well as that he makes "non-meaningful" fat jokes, like the other day we were eating some dessert and i finished mine a bit earlier than him, he'll go "man you ate that quickly", and he knows how upset i feel about my weight... i'm going to the gym now to try and slim down though but its upsetting to have your boyfriend make fat jokes to you, like if i say i decided to have a pizza he'll be like "ooh naughty naughty, watch that belly buster" and if i show any reaction thats sad he'll be like (and in a heavily annoyed/sarcastic tone) "what oh im sorry *pout*" and i feel so guilty for apologising after having a blatent fat joke in my face. I don't feel like i can tell my own boyfriend anything, he is a sweet guy.. he just can't see how much he is making me feel like crap.

I love him so much, which is conflicting because i dunno whether i should stick it out. He says nothing is going on with any of the girls and to some extent i believe him.. but its the first year we are both in university and things can change.. I'd like to think nothing would happen but who knows. And I know that if i behaved the way that he does with the opposite sex he'd be paranoid and pissed off, so i wont stoop to his level and see what his reaction would be if i were to act the same (he's just call me a hypocrite)

I'm being stupid yes, but can someone please give me a silver lining on this load of poo? I don't know if i can be with someone who i'm slowly loosing my trust in :[

Reply 1

Jangrafess

19

If you're losing your trust and he's doing nothing to reassure you you've got to re-evaluate just how far your love goes. Do you truly believe it's reciprocated? If not... it might be best to work out again whether your love for him is worth his behaviour towards you. From what you've said here it seems that it isn't, however there's obviously a lot more to it than this. There are positives, you just haven't mentioned them as you were spilling your feelings about his recent poor behaviour and so the post is going to be biased against him. Are thing aspects of his personality that you love still there?

Reply 2

adilmorrison

12

That sounds really mean... As Jangrafess said, there must be things about him that you really like, I think what you ought to do is weigh up the pros and cons of the relationship in order to see if it's worth it...

Reply 3

storminaDcup

op, i relate to your problem in para 1&2. It's so hard isnt it.

Reply 4

iloveyouxx

Anonymous

As well as that he makes "non-meaningful" fat jokes, like the other day we were eating some dessert and i finished mine a bit earlier than him, he'll go "man you ate that quickly", and he knows how upset i feel about my weight... i'm going to the gym now to try and slim down though but its upsetting to have your boyfriend make fat jokes to you, like if i say i decided to have a pizza he'll be like "ooh naughty naughty, watch that belly buster" and if i show any reaction thats sad he'll be like (and in a heavily annoyed/sarcastic tone) "what oh im sorry *pout*" and i feel so guilty for apologising after having a blatent fat joke in my face. I don't feel like i can tell my own boyfriend anything, he is a sweet guy.. he just can't see how much he is making me feel like crap.

He doesn't sound like a lovely guy to me. If he knows that you get upset about your weight (I do the same thing all the time, I totally understand), then he should never make jokes about it. For me, that would be a deal-breaker, even minus the stuff about the girl roommates or whatever.
My ex (who i'm still good friends with) knew how crap I felt about my weight, and he told me I was a beautiful, goddess-esque, perfect - every day, etc - maybe too much detail about my life, but you see what I mean. There are guys who are worth your time, and guys that aren't.
I'd be prepared to bet that you could do better than that jerk-off.
Dump him, or tell him you need a break. I bet he'd stop flirting with his roommates and making fat jokes pretty quick.

Reply 5

Crystal89

iloveyouxx

He doesn't sound like a lovely guy to me. If he knows that you get upset about your weight (I do the same thing all the time, I totally understand), then he should never make jokes about it. For me, that would be a deal-breaker, even minus the stuff about the girl roommates or whatever..

Completely agree with this. I think you're doing yourself a bit of a disservice being with someone who can so casually make insulting comments about something he knows full well you are sensitive about. I mean the 'eating quickly' comment fair enough, I probably wouldn't take anything from that unless it was said in a particularly snarky or nasty tone but seriously 'watch that belly buster'?! That, to me, is a deliberate insult to make you feel horrible about yourself- is this what you really want from a partner? I completely believe you when you say that he can be sweet to you but it's worrying to me how quickly he can turn nasty and then make you feel bad for being offended. At the very least you need to tell him properly that you won't tolerate those sorts of comments because you find them offensive and to not back down until he realises that you're serious. If he cares about you as much as you obviously care for him then he will stop.

To be brutally honest if I was in your situation I'd dump him and let someone else put up with his comments but I appreciate you might want to give him a proper chance to change his ways. Some people are quite genuinely insensitive to how their careless comments affect others, that doesn't make them terrible people but like I said if he knows you find what he says hurtful he should stop regardless of how innocent he thinks he's being. Again I will reiterate that it sounds like you deserve someone much nicer who likes you for yourself but if you're invested in the relationship then I know it might be difficult for you just to cut him loose.

About the flirting I think this is a less serious issue. Some people are quite natually touchy-feely and flirty, I am not one of them so I don't really understand it but I wouldn't take what you are describing as an intention to cheat on you. His behaviour sounds typical of what I saw living in halls, especially after people had been drinking, quite harmless when all's said and done. With regard to the 'suggesting poses', well male (and female!) humour at that age can be quite crude :rolleyes:

. Not something I find particularly attractive but most of them grow out of it hehe. The only thing I'm thinking is whether he's deliberately parading these girls in front of you to make you jealous which would feed into the 'he's not a not very nice immature person' theory which I'm afraid I'm leaning towards. Do you get that impression or is he just quite flirty in general?

In summary of this mammoth essay (sorry!), make him fully aware beyond any doubt that he's offending you. If he doesn't change then he is a nasty piece of work and you should break up with him for the sake of your own self esteem and self worth. You are well within your rights to dump him anyway and frankly, you've put up with a lot more than I would have.

Reply 6

Hayleyboop(:

Never be with a guy who makes you feel bad about yourself.

That sums it up really, but to elaborate: if he really liked you, he'd be doing all of that stuff with you too, or at least understand why you feel so left out rather than turning it around to make you feel like the guilty party. Is this what you want in a boyfriend? A guy who makes you feel left out, has a better time with his mates than you, and makes you feel self-conscious about your weight? No no, always no. Dump the guy.

Reply 7

Tom.

He sounds like a complete and utter tool. He probably thinks he's smart making facetious jokes about your weight, that's just not appropriate especially when he knows how insecure you are about it. And the flirting with his housemates is terrible too, that's probably him trying to boost his ego seeing how many women fancy him (trust me i've been there). He probably doesnt mean anything by it, he just enjoys female attention, and who doesnt but if he takes it too far, i say you ditch him on the spot. But before all that, it all boils down to one option. Talk to him, tell him you don't like him flirting about with other girls, if he's got time to do that then surely he has time to spend with you, rather than letting other girls inflate his pompous head.

Reply 8

ggonex26

10

This thread is really old, i wonder whether the op stayed with the guy.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

well i had my mind made up on this when you said he makes fat jokes towards you knowing you're not happy with your weight this isn't a good thing is it? He doesn't sound very caring towards you although he might care. He doesn't seem to show it very well. And that isn't what you need. If you're feeling down about the way he acts and he just throws it back in your face then i think it's time for you to realize maybe this isn't the guy for you.
every girl deserves to have someone who actually cares about them. And shows it. And takes into consideration their feelings, not someone who makes snide comments about weight, and has no understanding in how you feel.
Like you said. If it were the other way round, he'd feel pretty s**t. But guys just don't think like that, they think that everything they do is okay as long as their not cheating.
Which i don't think he is.
I think you're both just moving on to different places in your life and maybe it's time to rethink whether the relationship is right for you.
just my opinion though

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Haha oh yeah. i just wasted minutes of my life replying to a thread that was creating like years agoooo haha

im fighting whether or not to be with him.. :(

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