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Scared of Hurting People by Ending a Relationship.

Hi all,
Well as the title suggests, I am petrified of having to hurt people by ending a relationship.
When I have ended previous relationships, they have shaken and sobbed for about 40 minutes, because of which, I'm become incredibly concerned as to how they are coping?
A couple of people I have dated live very locally and I couldn't bare the thought of them seeing me with someone else.

This probably all sounds ridiculous but any advice would be much appreciated!

thank you!

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 1

PyroDino77

Original post by Ali-1234

Unfortunately, you cannot control how people react to a breakup.
What you can do, however, is be understanding of their feelings as much as yours. You know what is best for you and that's fine, but how you go about breaking up with someone and how you react to their reaction is incredibly important when considering how they will see you and how they will heal post-breakup.

Some people will find it too difficult to see you and you must accept that, but it is not your fault that you live in the same area, you are not obligated to avoid someone whilst your simply living your life. If you really feel bad, then when you see them out and you are possibly with a different partner, don't exaggerate it. Normalise it. You are not required to constantly feel bad about a choice you made if you know you handled it the best you could. And, if you didn't, note that and learn from it. I

t's understandable to be worried about someone's feelings, but all you can do is be understandable and continue to live your life as they will theirs. You learn and grow and sometimes you find someone that you thought you could date, which is simply not right anymore and that's fine. Just know and consider your position and theirs. Take care of yourself and consider those around you. :h:

Reply 2

Zarek

It’s good to care about the other persons feeling. It doesn’t seem to be the norm when love fades, often it’s the very opposite. This said it’s pretty clear that relationships are based on mutual enthusiasm and if this isn’t there anymore then it’s reasonable to end it. I do think respectful breakup etiquette makes a substantial difference although not eliminating all the pain of being dumped.

Reply 3

DanB1991

Always be honest with your feelings.

Don't drag it on when just because you're afraid of hurting your partners feelings. My last serious relationship ended up in me wasting around 8 months of my life on someone who for that period didn't end the relationship over fear of hurting my feelings.

It hurt a hell of a lot more being led on than if I had been told the truth.

Reply 4

username4910484

I do this a lot, not in the context of romantic relationships though.
The way I think about it is acting/ pretending to feel a certain way is ultimately going to be far more disappointing/ upsetting to the person in question, in a sense I am actually leading them on/ allowing them to get more attached.

It clearly doesn't benefit me either.

The kindest thing you can do for them is to break up in a kind and clear manor.

People move on in there lives, although if they where to bump into you on a date I suspect that it could be quite awkward, I highly doubt that it will result in feeling of devastation.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 5

Ali-1234

Do you think it's acceptable to break up over the phone? This probably sounds terrible but their reaction absolutely kills me. I'll definitely go and see him afterwards. After my last break up I felt so upset about hurting them it took me 2 years to get over it and to be able to 'see a light at the end of the tunnel!' What made it worse is that my parents couldn't talk to me for 2 weeks as they were so devastated for breaking up with someone who they thought was perfect! My mum couldn't even hug me for about a year! I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 months.