Housemate with mental health problems...?? Please help Watch

rakata
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Hi

Basically, recently moved in to a shared house with my boyfriend, and a couple of weeks later this woman moved in. The second I met her I felt like something was weird about her and so did my bf, we both felt really uneasy around her and didn't trust her like we do the other housemates. Thing is, she didn't bother us until a couple of days ago.

She always stays in her room, even the day she moved in she didn't introduce herself or anything, just popped her head round the door and didn't say anything.

But now she stays in her room and at night (like 12/1ish) and even in the morning she starts screaming, insulting and abusing something. (she starts shouting things like I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, I'LL GIVE YOU ****, you bag of ****! and random other things of which I only hear swear words) At first I thought maybe she's doing it in her sleep, but she doesn't because she had music on last night and was screaming over it. She's not talking to anyone or on the phone etc, you can tell- she doesn't say anything for 15+mins sometimes and then starts screaming again and she isn't having a conversation, just insulting and shouting etc.

It's got to the point where I'm terrified. The first night I started crying I was so scared My heart was beating so fast last night I was resting on my bf and he could feel it We lock our door at night and I'm scared to go to the toilet without him being awake and turning lights on for me.

My bf's getting mad because we can't sleep, thanks to her music and screaming. And I'm worried because the way she talks makes her sound mental. Honestly, I can't explain it, it's just weird, the way she repeats herself and stuff.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm not sure what to say to our landlady, but I will talk to her. What if the woman really does have mental problems? Are we meant to confront her? I know this is so so so irrational but I'm scared of being alone with her in the house, even just in my room with the door locked, and I don't want to confront her in case she grabs a knife or something! I've tried recording her but it's so muffled on my laptop I can upload clips but it's so hard to hear and it sounds like whispers.

Sorry for the super long post but I really need advice... Thanks


*edit* changed title, and I apologise if this sounds offensive, rude or judgemental because I never meant it to be.
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Milch
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Wow! Yh I would tell the Landlady.
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Charlski
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Speak to the landlady. Even if this girl is completely sane, loud noises at that sort of time in the morning are completely unnacceptable in shared accommodation.
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x y z
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Tell the landlady.
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rakata
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I've just texted her I don't know what she can even do though..
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srana
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HAHAHA sorry, that's just so insane! I'd be terrified in your position, but it's such a hilariously absurd situation. But yeah, your landlady must be able to do something, that kind of behaviour just isn't acceptable.
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User203443
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Well for one she could evict her.
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rakata
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(Original post by Ramble)
Well for one she could evict her.

i hope so! i mean she technically has violated the contract, because i read in there that you can't be loud after 11pm so..
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Gimothy
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What was the music? Maybe she was singing along to some death metal.
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rakata
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(Original post by srana)
HAHAHA sorry, that's just so insane! I'd be terrified in your position, but it's such a hilariously absurd situation. But yeah, your landlady must be able to do something, that kind of behaviour just isn't acceptable.
i know! it sounds so so dumb, but it's so scary! anyway we're getting out of the house.

other weird things she's done:
-go into the bathroom when another girl was in there but the door was fully shut and there's no lock so we take that to mean that someone's in there
-go into another guy's room "by accident"
-ask us if we've got a lock on our door (may not be that weird but i don't trust her so i take it as weird lol)
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rakata
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(Original post by Gimothy)
What was the music? Maybe she was singing along to some death metal.
it was metal/rock but she's done it without music so yeah, and you can tell she's not singing along.
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falls_whisper
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Actually, someone very close to me does the same thing. It is a sign of mental instability, and there's nothing anyone else can really do. Luckily, the person I know is hardly ever physical (at least with people) and I think the shouting is just an outlet for pent-up anger. I realise as an outsider/stranger though, it would really creep you out and I wouldn't expect any different. Just to be safe, talk to your landlord.
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Gimothy
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(Original post by rakata)
it was metal/rock but she's done it without music so yeah, and you can tell she's not singing along.
I doubt she's a threat. Has anyone talked to her yet? Like, at all? Because that might be a good place to start (with your boyfriend too, ofcourse). Afterall, it'd be unfair to judge someone's character solely on their obscene nocturnal rants.
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rIcHrD
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Not sure why everyone's saying tell the landlord, since though that may solve your problem (in the long-term), it does nothing for the short-term and does nothing for your housemate. It's nice to look after yourself, but it's also nice to have a conscience and look out for others. Consider trying to help her. The simplest way of doing so, without involving yourselves is to contact the police or local mental health crisis team. If she's had previous contact with them, they'll know what to do.

Meanwhile, you could consider moving out to temporary accommodation whilst things are being resolved, to avoid being implicated. You could tell your landlord about this - as if you feel your health/life is in danger from the housemate put in by the landlord, a sensible landlord would help you find temporary accommodation and may help with paying for it.
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yellowwdaisy
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I have an uncle who's a little bit like that- he's schizophrenic and mumbles to himself and sometimes shouts at invisible people- he's not violent and can actually be quite intelligent and reasonable when he's in the right mood- so I know a bit about this-
My dad (who's a psychoanalyst and has worked in Psychiatry) told me its always best to treat people who are evidently a bit mad as if they are perfectly sane, reasonable people- even when it's obvious they're real nutters. If you shun them or treat them as if they're some wild animal, you'll probably prove what ever wild, paranoid illusions they have- this girl might think you're all out to get her and interprets any innocent glance you give each other as evidence of some conspiracy against her- so its very important you communicate with her- this might sound really crazy, but talk to her at breakfast as if she were completely normal, albeit slightly loud person- say in a calm, diplomatic way- look, I appreciate you haven't been any trouble as our roommate up to now, but I did find it a bit hard to get off to sleep because you were making a lot of noise. I know its easy to be louder than you think you were being..
- always understate the problem
-always take the tone that suggests you assume this person can't possibly have realised they were being a trouble because they would have course not wanted to be inconsiderate

Certainly talk to the landlady- but of course its a little difficult when someone really is a bit off the rails- you want to tread carefully around them and not give them cause to fly of the hinges.

Bear in mind- this person might be able to be quite reasonable some of the time, even though they clearly have some deep-set mental health problems. Don't worry that she would automatically be as violent physically- its very often the case that people who wouldn't hurt a fly will start yelling and swearing (people with this degree of emotional instability I mean)
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rakata
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(Original post by yellowwdaisy)
I have an uncle who's a little bit like that- he's schizophrenic and mumbles to himself and sometimes shouts at invisible people- he's not violent and can actually be quite intelligent and reasonable when he's in the right mood- so I know a bit about this-
My dad (who's a psychoanalyst and has worked in Psychiatry) told me its always best to treat people who are evidently a bit mad as if they are perfectly sane, reasonable people- even when it's obvious they're real nutters. If you shun them or treat them as if they're some wild animal, you'll probably prove what ever wild, paranoid illusions they have- this girl might think you're all out to get her and interprets any innocent glance you give each other as evidence of some conspiracy against her- so its very important you communicate with her- this might sound really crazy, but talk to her at breakfast as if she were completely normal, albeit slightly loud person- say in a calm, diplomatic way- look, I appreciate you haven't been any trouble as our roommate up to now, but I did find it a bit hard to get off to sleep because you were making a lot of noise. I know its easy to be louder than you think you were being..
- always understate the problem
-always take the tone that suggests you assume this person can't possibly have realised they were being a trouble because they would have course not wanted to be inconsiderate

Certainly talk to the landlady- but of course its a little difficult when someone really is a bit off the rails- you want to tread carefully around them and not give them cause to fly of the hinges.

Bear in mind- this person might be able to be quite reasonable some of the time, even though they clearly have some deep-set mental health problems. Don't worry that she would automatically be as violent physically- its very often the case that people who wouldn't hurt a fly will start yelling and swearing (people with this degree of emotional instability I mean)
Thank you so much for replying, that's really good advice. Do you think recording her for evidence would be a good idea? That's what we've been thinking about so far. I think the landlady is coming over soon ish. The main reason I'm worried is in case it sort of escalates and if she starts tearing up the room/other rooms... She's normal and quiet the rest of the time.
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lazza
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Am I the only one with a problem that it's been referred to as a "mental problem" instead of mental health problem?

oh well

I used to scream and shout whenever I went into crisis last year. My housemates were meant to call my parents/my psychiatric nurse but of course never did

Possibly the best thing to do if you want to be a good person to her, is to contact the charity Mind (or go to their offices in your area) and tell them what is happening and they might be able to give you advice on the situation

Just because someone has mental health issues doesn't mean they're necessarily a threat or a danger. And to evict anyone with a history of mental illness would surely class as discrimination from the DDA (though I'm not sure about this...). Why not be a nice person and ask her how she is? Tell her that you've heard her getting upset at night and if she's alright?
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generalebriety
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(Original post by rakata)
Thank you so much for replying, that's really good advice. Do you think recording her for evidence would be a good idea? That's what we've been thinking about so far. I think the landlady is coming over soon ish. The main reason I'm worried is in case it sort of escalates and if she starts tearing up the room/other rooms... She's normal and quiet the rest of the time.
No. Stop being a **** and trying to get her kicked out. Speak to her. For all you know, she might just have anger problems. She doesn't have to be a complete lunatic to be angry when she's in her room on her own, nor does shouting and swearing necessarily lead to violence. Next time it happens, go and knock on her door and ask her, without acting like she's a freak, whether everything's ok. Treat her with some ******* respect instead of trying to get her evicted because you think she acts oddly (and therefore is completely insane and doesn't deserve accommodation with other people).
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L i b
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(Original post by rakata)
i hope so! i mean she technically has violated the contract, because i read in there that you can't be loud after 11pm so..
Well, that's not a material breach. You can't simply evict someone for playing their music a bit loud a few nights in a row without warning them and so forth.

Nor can you evict someone for being a bit loony.

Even if you could, eviction is a long, drawn out process and would take months.

I'd say get used to it. Or, if she's seriously mental, get her sectioned... it worked in Peep Show after all.
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L i b
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(Original post by generalebriety)
No. Stop being a **** and trying to get her kicked out. Speak to her. For all you know, she might just have anger problems. She doesn't have to be a complete lunatic to be angry when she's in her room on her own, nor does shouting and swearing necessarily lead to violence. Next time it happens, go and knock on her door and ask her, without acting like she's a freak, whether everything's ok. Treat her with some ******* respect instead of trying to get her evicted because you think she acts oddly (and therefore is completely insane and doesn't deserve accommodation with other people).
Agreed. It all sounds massively underhand.
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