Never felt more disconnected from my education/life...

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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Hi all. Apologies in advance for the rant I'm about to go on. Would be nice to hear your thoughts and if anybody else here is in a similar boat.

2nd year Pharmacy student here in London. I never 100% wanted to do Pharmacy but due to some personal circumstances during sixth form involving the loss of a family member, I wasn't able to do very well at A level, so I settled for it and was never able to apply for a more prestigious course such as Med or Law, either of which I would've loved.

I feel so incredibly disengaged from my course, I haven't properly studied since I started in first year and I have not watched beyond the first week's lectures in second year. The only reason I made it to second year is because of exams being cancelled due to the pandemic, otherwise I 100% would've failed. I don't hate my course but I struggle to like it, I find it so hard to engage and do not even have the willpower to watch my online lectures or attend my zoom seminars. Everyone on my course is super competitive and focused, I'm the complete opposite. Everybody is so antisocial it just drains the life out of me. I have no desire to continue on this course but I have no idea what I'd do instead. When I say I have learnt absolutely nothing I really mean it. Now with exam season slowly dawning upon us I'm sh1tting myself and I'm slowly realising just how screwed I am and that I have the entire first term's worth of content and this term's to catch up on. I've completed all the summative assignments throughout the year but that's literally the only way in which I have engaged with this course, only for the sake of not being kicked out. The student in me was already dead after completing A levels, but now even more do due to the pandemic.

It's absolutely destroyed my mental health to the point where I am now on medication. I tried to reach out to my university last year, however all I got was a warning that failure to engage with the course to a satisfactory standard would mean I would be barred from exams and thus barred from progressing to second year. I can't do this much longer. Dropping out would mean I'd be a disappointment to my family and that I'd have nothing to do.

Sorry for this extremely disjointed rant. Is anybody else in a similar situation? Anybody else feeling extremely disconnected from their course? Has this pandemic killed the student in you?
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sunny.side.up
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Report 1 week ago
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Can you try out other things to see what you like?
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11SimoneM
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This is basically exactly how I feel right now. I'm in year 13 and I absolutely hate the A-levels I picked, I was actually so dumb like 16 year old me really had the audacity to think I'd be able to do A-level Chemistry. I'm currently failing it. It's looking like I'll be finishing A-levels with bad grades and no clue what I want to do with my life. I mean the basic idea is that I want to work in the Media industry, but idk how I'm supposed to get there with **** A-levels. Your post is exactly what I'm scared is gonna happen to me if I go to uni. Because I know I'm so not ready to go but I can't just do nothing and I'm so scared of being a failure, it's one of my toxic traits, pushing myself too far and not admitting that I can't do it so instead just carrying on even though I'm not happy. It's also taking a toll on my mental health too, I've managed to get myself a therapist though so we'll see how that one goes I guess. I feel like I'm just on autopilot or something (but a malfunctioning autopilot) everything's happening and I'm just ignoring it and letting it happen even though I'm not happy at all with my current situation. It's like I don't even care. I wish I could just skip this phase of my life to be honest, I thought these were supposed to be the best years but I feel like I haven't got to experience anything.

At the end of the day, if you know deep down that you don't like your course and it's not what you see when you think about your future, get out while you still can. Think about it this way, it's better to get out now while you're young and not fully committed rather than when you're like 30 and you hate your job and you're always thinking about what could've been.

Of course I know it's easier said than done, and it's very ironic that I'm giving out this advice when I should be following it myself lol. But I like to think that everything happens for a reason and you just have to trust the process and stick with your gut. If you know you don't want this for yourself then you have to figure out something else, where there's a will there's a way. Maybe you could stop uni, get a job for a while and wait till the pandemic cools down a bit, take some kind of course that would get you into doing something you actually wanna do, and then maybe revisit uni with a fresh perspective. It is a longer route but if you truly don't like what you're doing right now and you know there's something else you would love then you've gotta just do it or you might regret it forever.

Don't look at these couple years of uni as a waste or a mistake, look at them as a learning curve and recognise that you tried it, it wasn't for you, so now you're gonna try a different route that works for you and actually makes you happy. If you're worried about what your family might think try and talk to them if you haven't already. Try and tell them exactly how you're feeling and if they understand they'll support you the whole way. If you can't talk to your family or they don't support you then just remember that everything you do is for yourself, your family aren't the ones that are studying pharmacy right now, they're not the ones that are gonna have to work a job in a field that they aren't passionate about. I know it's hard to make a change as big as this whether you have the support or not but remember it's your life and you have to live it so you might as well do something you love no matter how long it takes to get there.

Sorry for the essay, I love a good rant too.
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