I don’t know where else to go with this

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 days ago
#1
I’m in a relationship with someone I’ve been with for 5 years and I love him dearly, I’m completely devoted to him.

However,
Last year I was introduced to someone new at work, I was shy and so was he so we didn’t really talk until about a month into him being on the department. When we did finally start to talk we ended up being identical and then became really close FRIENDS.
This boy was interested in me but I had a partner and was happy even though I was in a difficult spot with my partner. Anyway long story short we were best friends and hung out a lot after work for months, this caused a lot of rumours in work, considering I work in retail I wouldn’t of expected anything less but these rumours were no where near truthful.
I was never willingly unfaithful to my boyfriend!
Then came June.
This was after forgiving this boy for kissing me without permission.
We had plans that day after work but he decided he needed to get changed first. Me being me didn’t want my boyfriend to waste petrol so I told him not to pick me up to get changed and I’ll go out in my uniform, then told my friend I’ll wait in his car for him to get dressed.
But when we got to his house his mother insisted I came inside to wait.
I’m a sufferer of social anxiety and I can’t do social interactions when meeting new people so when his mother insisted I was too scared to say no in fear of judgment (dull I know but this is my ILLNESS that I cannot prevent).
I was put in a room to wait and disappointingly it ended up being his room.
As we’re bantering (joking around) as normal and I feel uncomfortable after realising where I am, I try to be friendly until we leave, but he comes next to me and starts to play fight. I know this is him flirting but I’m too scared right now of upsetting him or doing something wrong, I just go along with it in hope we leave soon but that’s where he accidentally hit me a bit too hard. This boy then hugs me on the bed and says sorry repeatedly which I appreciate but the hugs are too much and making me feel uncomfortable so I try to get up. Each time this boy pulls me down and pulls me closer. Eventually I give in even though I shouldn’t but thought it’s just a hug it lasts seconds.
Next he pulls me on him, he’s bigger than me (a lot bigger) so I can’t fight him off me as much as I want to, then he starts to grind. I’m uncomfortable and keep saying “no have some self control” trying pushing him away from me and me off him. I said this three time and afterwards he replied “come on you know you want this” and pulled me closer with a tighter grip.
I really didn’t want it.
He then continues to move my knickers too the side (I’m wearing a skirt) and continues to put his penis in me even after I just said no.
But I didn’t fight. I new I couldn’t so I just let it happen in hope I could go home sooner.
He did this to me 3 times.

My mental health failed me and made me incapable of protecting myself.
And now im stuck.
I feel lost.
My uni work is suffering because I’m keeping this too myself even though it’s destroying me.
I don’t want to go to the police but I want to tell my boyfriend.
However, I’m scared.
What if he doesn’t believe me?
What if he thinks I’m lying and actually cheated on him?
What if it’s my fault?
Did I deserve it?
Did I make him think it was okay to do it?
Do I tell him what happened?
I did verbally say no but I didn't physically fight him off to stop him so is it my fault? Is it actually rape?
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ROTL94
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#2
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#2
Right, right, right, if you have a boyfriend you're 'completely devoted to' why did you continue to hang out with this guy when you knew he clearly had feelings for you? And yes, that's rape.
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Final Fantasy
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I'm having a hard time taking this seriously... there's just way too many logic bombs, inconsistencies and red flags here.
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EmergencyFood
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#4
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What happened to his mother though? Could she hear what was happening? Why would the guy rape you inside his mother's house?
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Anonymous #1
#5
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#5
(Original post by ROTL94)
Right, right, right, if you have a boyfriend you're 'completely devoted to' why did you continue to hang out with this guy when you knew he clearly had feelings for you? And yes, that's rape.
He was my best friend at the time? I have nobody else apart from my boyfriend and this boy who was supposedly my friend. He told me he understood I was with some and would say “I’d rather have you as a friend than not have you at all” so I assumed he understood. As of which makes me believe it was my fault.
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Anonymous #1
#6
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#6
(Original post by EmergencyFood)
What happened to his mother though? Could she hear what was happening? Why would the guy rape you inside his mother's house?
I can’t explain why he did as I am not him, his mother for what I know was down stairs. But personally I do not believe the location determines whether it is rape or not. I just wanted to know if it’s my fault but from the responses received it’s clear I should of cut ties with the guy as soon as I realised his interest. As for that I’m not paying for it.
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Anonymous #1
#7
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#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I can’t explain why he did as I am not him, his mother for what I know was down stairs. But personally I do not believe the location determines whether it is rape or not. I just wanted to know if it’s my fault but from the responses received it’s clear I should of cut ties with the guy as soon as I realised his interest. As for that I’m not paying for it.
Now paying for it**
Also I was really quiet from shock but that’s no excuse I know
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Anonymous #1
#8
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#8
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
I'm having a hard time taking this seriously... there's just way too many logic bombs, inconsistencies and red flags here.
Do you mind further expanding on this comment? I’d like to understand more of what you’re trying to say. You mention red flags, I’d like to know what you think those are.
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Jess_Silver
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#9
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#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m in a relationship with someone I’ve been with for 5 years and I love him dearly, I’m completely devoted to him.

However,
Last year I was introduced to someone new at work, I was shy and so was he so we didn’t really talk until about a month into him being on the department. When we did finally start to talk we ended up being identical and then became really close FRIENDS.
This boy was interested in me but I had a partner and was happy even though I was in a difficult spot with my partner. Anyway long story short we were best friends and hung out a lot after work for months, this caused a lot of rumours in work, considering I work in retail I wouldn’t of expected anything less but these rumours were no where near truthful.
I was never willingly unfaithful to my boyfriend!
Then came June.
This was after forgiving this boy for kissing me without permission.
We had plans that day after work but he decided he needed to get changed first. Me being me didn’t want my boyfriend to waste petrol so I told him not to pick me up to get changed and I’ll go out in my uniform, then told my friend I’ll wait in his car for him to get dressed.
But when we got to his house his mother insisted I came inside to wait.
I’m a sufferer of social anxiety and I can’t do social interactions when meeting new people so when his mother insisted I was too scared to say no in fear of judgment (dull I know but this is my ILLNESS that I cannot prevent).
I was put in a room to wait and disappointingly it ended up being his room.
As we’re bantering (joking around) as normal and I feel uncomfortable after realising where I am, I try to be friendly until we leave, but he comes next to me and starts to play fight. I know this is him flirting but I’m too scared right now of upsetting him or doing something wrong, I just go along with it in hope we leave soon but that’s where he accidentally hit me a bit too hard. This boy then hugs me on the bed and says sorry repeatedly which I appreciate but the hugs are too much and making me feel uncomfortable so I try to get up. Each time this boy pulls me down and pulls me closer. Eventually I give in even though I shouldn’t but thought it’s just a hug it lasts seconds.
Next he pulls me on him, he’s bigger than me (a lot bigger) so I can’t fight him off me as much as I want to, then he starts to grind. I’m uncomfortable and keep saying “no have some self control” trying pushing him away from me and me off him. I said this three time and afterwards he replied “come on you know you want this” and pulled me closer with a tighter grip.
I really didn’t want it.
He then continues to move my knickers too the side (I’m wearing a skirt) and continues to put his penis in me even after I just said no.
But I didn’t fight. I new I couldn’t so I just let it happen in hope I could go home sooner.
He did this to me 3 times.

My mental health failed me and made me incapable of protecting myself.
And now im stuck.
I feel lost.
My uni work is suffering because I’m keeping this too myself even though it’s destroying me.
I don’t want to go to the police but I want to tell my boyfriend.
However, I’m scared.
What if he doesn’t believe me?
What if he thinks I’m lying and actually cheated on him?
What if it’s my fault?
Did I deserve it?
Did I make him think it was okay to do it?
Do I tell him what happened?
I did verbally say no but I didn't physically fight him off to stop him so is it my fault? Is it actually rape?
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-...exual-assault/
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