I have a crush on my best friend..

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Been friends for 8+ years. I found out I was Lgbt back in year 8, after I started feeling something else for her. My feelings toward her grew more and more over the years and it didn’t help that she always had boyfriends- it was really deflating.
There was the odd sign of her being lgbt in some way as there was rumours at school, she said to me she was questioning, she has acted toward me in a different/ more flirty way than our other friends I guess. And when prom came around she started dancing with this guy and omg I I feel so bad cause I obviously want her to be happy but I felt so jealous at the same time, like I really really wanted to be that guy. That’s when I realised I definitely had a crush on her.
Since then nothing much has been said, she broke up with him and whenever I talk about lgbt in the chat she always changes the subject but I do get the odd sign when we hang out like idk touching my hand/hair. I’m just getting a lot of mixed messages and I’ve had a crush on her for so long, she is my best friend and I really want to say something but I’m not sure how it will end or if she will be off put and ruin our friendship.
But I literally can’t take this any more, I’ve been holding it in for so so long And before someone suggests to cut contacts.. I can’t, she means to much to me I literally can’t fathom the thought of that. And to forget about the crush is on another level, I see her too much. I’ve tried and it keeps coming back. I need advise so bad 😂
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the_pharaoh
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Been friends for 8+ years. I found out I was Lgbt back in year 8, after I started feeling something else for her. My feelings toward her grew more and more over the years and it didn’t help that she always had boyfriends- it was really deflating.
There was the odd sign of her being lgbt in some way as there was rumours at school, she said to me she was questioning, she has acted toward me in a different/ more flirty way than our other friends I guess. And when prom came around she started dancing with this guy and omg I I feel so bad cause I obviously want her to be happy but I felt so jealous at the same time, like I really really wanted to be that guy. That’s when I realised I definitely had a crush on her.
Since then nothing much has been said, she broke up with him and whenever I talk about lgbt in the chat she always changes the subject but I do get the odd sign when we hang out like idk touching my hand/hair. I’m just getting a lot of mixed messages and I’ve had a crush on her for so long, she is my best friend and I really want to say something but I’m not sure how it will end or if she will be off put and ruin our friendship.
But I literally can’t take this any more, I’ve been holding it in for so so long And before someone suggests to cut contacts.. I can’t, she means to much to me I literally can’t fathom the thought of that. And to forget about the crush is on another level, I see her too much. I’ve tried and it keeps coming back. I need advise so bad 😂
don't it could cost u ur friendship unless it becomes obv that she is lgbt
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fellowweebhere
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#3
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
Maybe kiss her 'on accident' and see how she responds.
Or get consent first (:
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
Maybe kiss her 'on accident' and see how she responds.
and deffinitely dont do this especially considering she might not be lgbt if one of my male friends tried to anything sexual towards me straight unch to the face and never talk to them again
Last edited by the_pharaoh; 1 month ago
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sunny.side.up
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(Original post by fellowweebhere)
Or get consent first (:
(Original post by the_pharaoh)
and deffinitely dont do this especially considering she might not be lgbt if one of my male friends tried to anything sexual towards me straight unch to the face and never talk to them again
You are both right, I'm sorry for saying that, idk what I was thinking.
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pamoche
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Been friends for 8+ years. I found out I was Lgbt back in year 8, after I started feeling something else for her. My feelings toward her grew more and more over the years and it didn’t help that she always had boyfriends- it was really deflating.
There was the odd sign of her being lgbt in some way as there was rumours at school, she said to me she was questioning, she has acted toward me in a different/ more flirty way than our other friends I guess. And when prom came around she started dancing with this guy and omg I I feel so bad cause I obviously want her to be happy but I felt so jealous at the same time, like I really really wanted to be that guy. That’s when I realised I definitely had a crush on her.
Since then nothing much has been said, she broke up with him and whenever I talk about lgbt in the chat she always changes the subject but I do get the odd sign when we hang out like idk touching my hand/hair. I’m just getting a lot of mixed messages and I’ve had a crush on her for so long, she is my best friend and I really want to say something but I’m not sure how it will end or if she will be off put and ruin our friendship.
But I literally can’t take this any more, I’ve been holding it in for so so long And before someone suggests to cut contacts.. I can’t, she means to much to me I literally can’t fathom the thought of that. And to forget about the crush is on another level, I see her too much. I’ve tried and it keeps coming back. I need advise so bad 😂
My advice is that although you can't force this conversation to happen so you'll have to wait before you can do this but
If she ever starts talking about how single or lonely she is and no one likes her, (if it's not too out of character for you to make a joke) say "well I used to have a big fat crush on you but u were straight so don't start saying youre not pretty funny etc" to make it seem more like youre saying this to make a point to boost her confidence (but not saying u still have a crush cos that might be too full on). This shows to her that although u had a crush on her, the friendship didn't change so it won't be awkward for the two of you now that u said that. It'll also put the idea in her head so she might start thinking "what if" and making up a scenario/possibility in her head

Does this help?
Last edited by pamoche; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by pamoche)
My advice is that although you can't force this conversation to happen so you'll have to wait before you can do this but
If she ever starts talking about how single or lonely she is and no one likes her, (if it's not too out of character for you to make a joke) say "well I used to have a big fat crush on you but u were straight so don't start saying youre not pretty funny etc" to make it seem more like youre saying this to make a point to boost her confidence (but not saying u still have a crush cos that might be too full on). This shows to her that although u had a crush on her, the friendship didn't change so it won't be awkward for the two of you now that u said that. It'll also put the idea in her head so she might start thinking "what if" and making up a scenario/possibility in her head

Does this help?
Hi thank you! I do make jokes yes, on a regular basis so it wouldn’t really be that much out of character, although it’s usually about unrelated stuff so it would be a bit of a shock still- if you get where I’m coming from . It’s a really good idea, I think I’d just have to adapt it to how I would say it. Do you suggest this in person/call or message? Thank you for your help
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by the_pharaoh)
and deffinitely dont do this especially considering she might not be lgbt if one of my male friends tried to anything sexual towards me straight unch to the face and never talk to them again
Yeah- I don’t want a punch 😅. I’d get consent first, not entirely sure how to do that? I guess you gotta wait for the right time but when that would be/ if ever is unpredictable.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
You are both right, I'm sorry for saying that, idk what I was thinking.
Lmao, I wish I could do that but yeah too risky and also potentially super super awkward 😵😂
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by the_pharaoh)
and deffinitely dont do this especially considering she might not be lgbt if one of my male friends tried to anything sexual towards me straight unch to the face and never talk to them again
Girls don't have as much testosterone as guys. I doubt the reaction would be quite as dramatic as that.
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Joleee
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firstly does she know you're attracted to girls?

if it were me i would say to her 'have you ever had a crush on a girl?' or 'would you ever be in a relationship with a girl?', so you can feel her out. if she says no then you've got your answer. if she says yes then you can probe further. but you don't have to go out guns blazing on first instance; it's the same thing as if you had a crush on the opposite sex, just a slightly different conversation. as you say tho you can't take it anymore so you're best off addressing it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
Girls don't have as much testosterone as guys. I doubt the reaction would be quite as dramatic as that.
Lol, yeah well I hope she wouldn’t do that anyway cause of how long we have been close. Obv still apprehensive, I really don’t want to upset her
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
firstly does she know you're attracted to girls?

if it were me i would say to her 'have you ever had a crush on a girl?' or 'would you ever be in a relationship with a girl?', so you can feel her out. if she says no then you've got your answer. if she says yes then you can probe further. but you don't have to go out guns blazing on first instance; it's the same thing as if you had a crush on the opposite sex, just a slightly different conversation. as you say tho you can't take it anymore so you're best off addressing it.
Hey! Yeah she knows I am, I’m very open about it actually. As I said she told me she is questioning but I literally haven’t heard anything since, she is a bit more closed off. Do you suggest in person or over text? I don’t want to make her feel pressured or attacked either. Thank you!
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Joleee
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey! Yeah she knows I am, I’m very open about it actually. As I said she told me she is questioning but I literally haven’t heard anything since, she is a bit more closed off. Do you suggest in person or over text? I don’t want to make her feel pressured or attacked either. Thank you!
i'd just do it in person it's hardly pressure if you're just asking a general question and it might come off weird in a text message, like how would you even bring that up casually over text :dontknow:

i've definitely asked people if they are or ever have been attracted to the same sex. it's not a big deal at least around the circles i associate with. and your best friend is obviously cool with that attraction. i mean she has no problems with you, right?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
i'd just do it in person it's hardly pressure if you're just asking a general question and it might come off weird in a text message, like how would you even bring that up casually over text :dontknow:

i've definitely asked people if they are or ever have been attracted to the same sex. it's not a big deal at least around the circles i associate with. and your best friend is obviously cool with that attraction. i mean she has no problems with you, right?
Okay, ooh this is scary lol. Good point, I will avoid text message. To actually get anywhere I need to say it in person tbh!
Yeah well I am hoping it is not a big deal, she is cool with it. She has no problems with me as far as I’m aware about it either.
I’m thinking of how I would come about saying it/bringing up the conversation as it’s not something we talk about. Like I don’t want to just blurt it out. instead building up to it slowly. Sorry I have never done this b4 😅
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
Girls don't have as much testosterone as guys. I doubt the reaction would be quite as dramatic as that.
Lmaooooo how is that dramatic girls ARE dramatic she’s probs slap her and start screaming
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Joleee
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, ooh this is scary lol. Good point, I will avoid text message. To actually get anywhere I need to say it in person tbh!
Yeah well I am hoping it is not a big deal, she is cool with it. She has no problems with me as far as I’m aware about it either.
I’m thinking of how I would come about saying it/bringing up the conversation as it’s not something we talk about. Like I don’t want to just blurt it out. instead building up to it slowly. Sorry I have never done this b4 😅
i would say just blurt it out - 'have you ever had a crush on a girl?' etc;- like isn't that what best friends do? just do it Nike.

it isn't a big deal; but to me it's like asking if you want cheese on your sandwich. ultimately you haven't admitted you like her specifically, so you haven't questioned your relationship. at least tho you'll have an inkling as to whether she's seriously thought about being attracted to the same sex (hopefully you ). if the answer is 'no' then you at least can work with that. if the answer is 'yes' you might have to just tell her you have a crush on her and hope for the best. it isn't impossible to keep your friendship tho if feelings aren't mutuel. tbh one of my best friends (same sex) had a crush on me, kissed me on the lips on the street and we both knew i wasn't interested, but we kept being best friends. you know your best friend and your relationship more than i do tho.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
i would say just blurt it out - 'have you ever had a crush on a girl?' etc;- like isn't that what best friends do? just do it Nike.

it isn't a big deal; but to me it's like asking if you want cheese on your sandwich. ultimately you haven't admitted you like her specifically, so you haven't questioned your relationship. at least tho you'll have an inkling as to whether she's seriously thought about being attracted to the same sex (hopefully you ). if the answer is 'no' then you at least can work with that. if the answer is 'yes' you might have to just tell her you have a crush on her and hope for the best. it isn't impossible to keep your friendship tho if feelings aren't mutuel. tbh one of my best friends (same sex) had a crush on me, kissed me on the lips on the street and we both knew i wasn't interested, but we kept being best friends. you know your best friend and your relationship more than i do tho.
Yeah you are right, 😂I’ll just go for it. And as you say at least I’d get a inkling. We have always come back from arguments so yes it is not impossible. Thank you sm for your help btw I appreciate it
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pamoche
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi thank you! I do make jokes yes, on a regular basis so it wouldn’t really be that much out of character, although it’s usually about unrelated stuff so it would be a bit of a shock still- if you get where I’m coming from . It’s a really good idea, I think I’d just have to adapt it to how I would say it. Do you suggest this in person/call or message? Thank you for your help
I mean it's always better in person or video call since someone can interpret texts the wrong way plus it's more natural to drop it in instead of forcing it
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
Maybe kiss her 'on accident' and see how she responds.
That is sexual assault my guy.
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