I want to break up with him.

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najmitoo
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Hi, let me provide you with some backstory.
This guy and I have been on and off and always had feelings for each other. I met him when I was 14 and he was 16. We were GREAT friends and i could not go a day without talking to him. He eventually left the country and moved back to America.
After two years of talking everyday, I came to America, cause I have a lot of family in the same city as him and saw him a few times. we decided to just be official even though it would be long distance. I left and went to England. The time zones were horrible (10 hours). I could barely speak to him cause id be too tired to speak at night and i dont wake up early. It really bothered me and since i was only 17, i didn't want to have all that responsibility on me and decided to break up with him. He was very upset and we didn't talk for a few months. I apologized because he was such a good friend to me and we decided to just be friends. it went on like that for a year and a half of us being just friends but we were obviously flirting here and there, there was so much tension. a few days before my birthday, i had a feeling he was too scared to ask me out to be his girlfriend since what happened last time so i asked him to be my boyfriend. he said yes and admitted he was scared to do it but was just gonna ask me on my birthday, which was like 10 days away. this was on december 21st of 2020. it hasnt even hit three months yet and i just CANNOT do it anymore. i love him, but like a best friend. If we were to get married, it would take six years of long distance. i am 19 now and im going to university this september. Going to study chemical engineering. he is currently in university studying dentistry and its going to take him 6 years. We wont be able to live together since we're doing university in two different countries. its so hard, i havent seen him since 2019. but he wants to come to england for like two weeks in august, i am scared that is not enough. i get annoyed and repulsed when i think of him sometimes and it makes me feel so bad. i cant do this. but it will break him if i break up with him. he tells me all the time that he wont know what to do if i decide to break up with him. please someone give me some advice cause i feel like im going crazy. i love him but i feel like its more of a platonic love.
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becausethenight
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Paragraphs are good

At the end of the day you're in no obligation to be in a relationship with anyone - if he's saying that he'll go crazy or whatever if you break up with him, that's his problem. It's manipulative to put you in a position where you're the bad person for ending something that's making you unhappy.

Long distance is very hard and if it's not working, it's not working. You tried again and that's great but it's the same problem again and you can't really help that.
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bts_ blackpink
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Too Long, didn't read


Use paragraphs BTW
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najmitoo
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Paragraphs are good

At the end of the day you're in no obligation to be in a relationship with anyone - if he's saying that he'll go crazy or whatever if you break up with him, that's his problem. It's manipulative to put you in a position where you're the bad person for ending something that's making you unhappy.

Long distance is very hard and if it's not working, it's not working. You tried again and that's great but it's the same problem again and you can't really help that.
so sorry, i was crying while typing that and wasn't really thinking of breaking it down in paragraphs.

i feel so horrible about it but thank you so much for this i think i'm going to break up with him tonight.

hes sleeping right now so do you think it's a good idea to just send a paragraph of me talking about how i'm feeling and ending it? or should i wait till he's awake. i think texting this to him while he's awake would give me so much anxiety.
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becausethenight
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(Original post by najmitoo)
so sorry, i was crying while typing that and wasn't really thinking of breaking it down in paragraphs.

i feel so horrible about it but thank you so much for this i think i'm going to break up with him tonight.

hes sleeping right now so do you think it's a good idea to just send a paragraph of me talking about how i'm feeling and ending it? or should i wait till he's awake. i think texting this to him while he's awake would give me so much anxiety.
Don't worry about it then :hugs:

It's never nice to break up with someone but it's better than letting the relationship fester. It's impossible to 'fake' being in love for the next six years to not hurt his feelings!

Personally I would think that breakups should be via video or phone call, since text can feel not very respectful? It's up to you but you will have to deal with some kind of fallout - if you text when he's asleep that's not great for him and you'll be worrying about what will happen when he gets it.
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Anonymous #1
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Hey. I feel like you should give it some time, you might regret breaking up with him and there’s no coming back from it if you do, since you already broke up with him before. I think long distance relationships are delicate and I wouldn’t want you to have any regrets.

My advice would be to wait until August when he comes to visit you and spend time with him and discuss your feelings then? Doing things in a rush ‘quickly ending it’ isn’t a good way of doing it, as it will only temporarily make you feel better.

All good things take time and maybe you should wait till he comes, see how you feel in person...if you love him then you may not get a love like this again?
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najmitoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey. I feel like you should give it some time, you might regret breaking up with him and there’s no coming back from it if you do, since you already broke up with him before. I think long distance relationships are delicate and I wouldn’t want you to have any regrets.

My advice would be to wait until August when he comes to visit you and spend time with him and discuss your feelings then? Doing things in a rush ‘quickly ending it’ isn’t a good way of doing it, as it will only temporarily make you feel better.

All good things take time and maybe you should wait till he comes, see how you feel in person...if you love him then you may not get a love like this again?
that's what i initially wanted to do but the guilt would eat me up alive if he travelled across the country for me just for me to see if my feelings are still there. it's selfish of me and it's not fair to him. I feel like doing it now, since we havent even hit 3 months yet would be better, what do you think?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by najmitoo)
that's what i initially wanted to do but the guilt would eat me up alive if he travelled across the country for me just for me to see if my feelings are still there. it's selfish of me and it's not fair to him. I feel like doing it now, since we havent even hit 3 months yet would be better, what do you think?
Yeh I completely understand. I think if you know for sure that this is what you want then by all means you should tell him.

My above advice was only because I know that the pandemic has brought up certain feelings for many people and they regret breaking up later but if it doesn’t feel right then it doesn’t.

I wish you the best x
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najmitoo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeh I completely understand. I think if you know for sure that this is what you want then by all means you should tell him.

My above advice was only because I know that the pandemic has brought up certain feelings for many people and they regret breaking up later but if it doesn’t feel right then it doesn’t.

I wish you the best x
i broke up with him, he handled it well and thanked me for communicating how i was feeling but that i keep stomping on his feelings (he's referring to me breaking up with him in 2019) and it hurts me cause i know i hurt him but it's all for the better. i know what i did was the right thing and that it was selfish of me to keep it to myself. thank you for your help, i really do sppreciate it
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by najmitoo)
i broke up with him, he handled it well and thanked me for communicating how i was feeling but that i keep stomping on his feelings (he's referring to me breaking up with him in 2019) and it hurts me cause i know i hurt him but it's all for the better. i know what i did was the right thing and that it was selfish of me to keep it to myself. thank you for your help, i really do sppreciate it
No worries, I’m happy & glad to hear he handled it well. Hopefully you feel better!
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username5670076
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