why are people so okay with widows dating?

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Anonymous #1
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i wouldn't want my partner to be with someone else if i died, i'm not much of a jealous person, i just think its normal to feel scared of your partner being with someone else, even if i'm dead knowing my partners gonna be with someone else after i die is horrifying, if i was a ghost and saw my partner with a new partner i wouldn't be happy, i'd be petrified and livid, imagine if your partner is with the new partner for way more years, like what if your partners been with the new partner for 34 years and been with you for 12 years, and i hate that the new partner gets jealous, their jealousy isn't justified i'm supposed be first not them, i know being lonely is horrible but so is being with someone else after your partner dies, this is one of my deepest fears, i don't get how people don't have this fear,
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ROTL94
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Because widows are usually grown adults and no one can tell them who they can and cannot go out with, or whether they can go out with anyone full stop.
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_gcx
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If I died young, I wouldn't expect my widow to be lonely for the rest of her life. If she wanted to, I wouldn't be able to stop her, since I'd be dead.
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becausethenight
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Well... not everyone is the same? It's like asking "why aren't you afraid of spiders" - even if you can give plenty of reasons why you are, it doesn't follow that someone else will be.

Personally as far as I'm concerned I'd be dead and I'd want my partner to be happy. I don't see how loving someone else 'devalues' your love for your dead spouse. Besides, plenty of people love multiple people - friends, family, children etc - as well as their spouse.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
Because widows are usually grown adults and no one can tell them who they can and cannot go out with, or whether they can go out with anyone full stop.
you don't think its sad?
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CoochieMan
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Sometimes them getting married would make them happier. Would you not want to see them happy?
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Anonymous #2
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"petrified" lmfaoo

people are allowed to move on with their lives after their partner dies, you don't get to control that (and can't because you would be dead)
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nexttime
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I think you might have missed the part where you're dead and you aren't going to know either way.

Also: why only widows? Why not widowers?
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Ducky_MoMo
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Well if you really loved them, you'd want them to be happy after you die, and if dating makes them happy then so be it.
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_gcx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you don't think its sad?
I would think it's sadder if they spent the rest of their, hopefully much longer if I've died young, life mourning about me and never getting over me. It might be flattering but do you really want someone you love to go through that?
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DANG1N
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OP, Imagine if your partner died and you were therefore condemned to be alone for the rest of your life. It wasn't your fault that they died, lets say they died in a car crash, however you were with them for a year and now you have to be alone.

It sounds like the fundamental flaw in your thinking is that perhaps you feel once you are with someone for a length of time, you now own them and their soul (and perhaps they own you?). Therefor, if you died and they got a new partner it wouldn't be ok because they were "yours". However, possession isn't love. In fact, I am sure if a widower truly loved their widow then they'd be happy for them to move on after their death. Just because your life has ended early doesn't mean they have to suffer too because of it.

People are individuals, no one owns anyone.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i wouldn't want my partner to be with someone else if i died, i'm not much of a jealous person, i just think its normal to feel scared of your partner being with someone else, even if i'm dead knowing my partners gonna be with someone else after i die is horrifying, if i was a ghost and saw my partner with a new partner i wouldn't be happy, i'd be petrified and livid, imagine if your partner is with the new partner for way more years, like what if your partners been with the new partner for 34 years and been with you for 12 years, and i hate that the new partner gets jealous, their jealousy isn't justified i'm supposed be first not them, i know being lonely is horrible but so is being with someone else after your partner dies, this is one of my deepest fears, i don't get how people don't have this fear,
What about widowers dating, then?
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YaliaV123
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People are not possessions and jealousy isn’t love. I would want my partner to be happy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DANG1N)
OP, Imagine if your partner died and you were therefore condemned to be alone for the rest of your life. It wasn't your fault that they died, lets say they died in a car crash, however you were with them for a year and now you have to be alone.

It sounds like the fundamental flaw in your thinking is that perhaps you feel once you are with someone for a length of time, you now own them and their soul (and perhaps they own you?). Therefor, if you died and they got a new partner it wouldn't be ok because they were "yours". However, possession isn't love. In fact, I am sure if a widower truly loved their widow then they'd be happy for them to move on after their death. Just because your life has ended early doesn't mean they have to suffer too because of it.

People are individuals, no one owns anyone.
so your partners not your partner anymore? isn't that sad?
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Compost
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Are you sure you're not usually a jealous person? Why does it matter what happens when you're rotting in the ground?

My partner left me (without warning) after 33 years years for someone else. I have moments of wanting it to go horribly wrong for them both but most of the time I actually want him to be happy with her because it seems a real waste of my sadness if no one gets anything out of this.
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mnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i wouldn't want my partner to be with someone else if i died, i'm not much of a jealous person, i just think its normal to feel scared of your partner being with someone else, even if i'm dead knowing my partners gonna be with someone else after i die is horrifying, if i was a ghost and saw my partner with a new partner i wouldn't be happy, i'd be petrified and livid, imagine if your partner is with the new partner for way more years, like what if your partners been with the new partner for 34 years and been with you for 12 years, and i hate that the new partner gets jealous, their jealousy isn't justified i'm supposed be first not them, i know being lonely is horrible but so is being with someone else after your partner dies, this is one of my deepest fears, i don't get how people don't have this fear,
People die, it's sad but part of life.

The idea that a dead person controls the happiness and fulfilment of others is ridiculous. You get 1 go round, do what makes you happy.
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StriderHort
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Oddly familiar themed thread, I'm sure there's no relation to the trollish themed nature of the other one at all.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Oddly familiar themed thread, I'm sure there's no relation to the trollish themed nature of the other one at all.
can you explain whats wrong with this thread?
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londonmyst
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Because most reasonable people understand that the human lifespan is limited, time is precious and after bereavement people need to move on with their own lives.
Eventually leaving the grief, trauma and loneliness of the past behind them to build the happiest future life that they can.
Whether that involves remarriage, dating again or something else.

Rather than a grieving widow or widower remaining alone and obsessing over the past for decades.
Or risk becoming bitter over their spouse's death, falling into a very negative mindset and doing their best to share the misery like Queen Victoria did.
My maternal grandmother is bitterly hostile to remarriage after the decease of a spouse- for both men and women.
To the point of labelling it "posthumous adultery"; she has been spouting this nonsense for at least six decades and claims she always had the opinion even as a very young child.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Because most reasonable people understand that the human lifespan is limited, time is precious and after bereavement people need to move on with their own lives.
Eventually leaving the grief, trauma and loneliness of the past behind them to build the happiest future life that they can.
Whether that involves remarriage, dating again or something else.

Rather than a grieving widow or widower remaining alone and obsessing over the past for decades.
Or risk becoming bitter over their spouse's death, falling into a very negative mindset and doing their best to share the misery like Queen Victoria did.
My maternal grandmother is bitterly hostile to remarriage after the decease of a spouse- for both men and women.
To the point of labelling it "posthumous adultery"; she has been spouting this nonsense for at least six decades and claims she always had the opinion even as a very young child.
is it posthumous? also are you saying your partners not your partner anymore?
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