I hit my husband

So i’m a 26 year old female. Married about a year ago and recently my temper has been so bad. So me and my husband were all cool but then he did something to piss me off (kept smoking) when i’d asked him to cut down on the smoking. So he went and had a cig and came back and I started confronting him saying you promised you would cut down. Initially he promised to quit but that looked unlikely after we married so i said jus cut down i know asking you to quit might be asking too much. So anyway i confronted him and he started saying i’m giving him headache and i’m a control freak etc. Them i slapped him hard out of anger. After i done that he started calling me a psycho ***** etc. I felt really bad and cried aplogised and everything. Now i’m really stressed and worried that i’m a bad woman and person who keeps losing her temper. Like i’ve literally slapped him before like twice. So this was the third time. i’m starting to think there’s something wrong with me mentally m. I did have a very traumatic childhood as i was abused by parents and other people in my life too. I’m not using this as an excuse but i’m just trying to figure out why i have anger problems when it comes to my husband. I really want help and I don’t want to be treating my husband this way it makes me feel like ****. I’ve been to the GP about mental health issues before and he just looked at me awkwardly as i started crying so i really dotn want to go to the GP again. Any advice anyone?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

no need to bump after 3 minutes...

You married him knowing he is a smoker, so why is it such a huge issue to you all of a sudden?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

no need to bump after 3 minutes...

You married him knowing he is a smoker, so why is it such a huge issue to you all of a sudden?

he promised me he would quit after we got married. He basically just said that to get me to marry him though i’ve realised that now. Deep down i kind of feel lied to. Like okay if he doesn’t quit at least try to cut down you did make a promise after all

Reply 3

Foxehh

21

"Ill quit __ when __ happens" is nearly always a lie. You shouldnt be surprised or angry with him.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

he promised me he would quit after we got married. He basically just said that to get me to marry him though i’ve realised that now. Deep down i kind of feel lied to. Like okay if he doesn’t quit at least try to cut down you did make a promise after all

Imo, it was naive of you to think he wold quit. He has an addiction, it's not easy for hime to cut down. Just accept him for who he is, I am sure there are things about you that he has had to accept too.

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

im not rlly sure about thte mental health bit but maybe u guys should just take a small break, or try to find a hobby that you enjoy

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by LovelyMrFox

"Ill quit __ when __ happens" is nearly always a lie. You shouldnt be surprised or angry with him.

Original post by Anonymous

Imo, it was naive of you to think he wold quit. He has an addiction, it's not easy for hime to cut down. Just accept him for who he is, I am sure there are things about you that he has had to accept too.

you guys are 100% right.. In the beginning i was horrible and said you’re basically quitting now when i realised he was never going to quit. Then started to feel crap thinking i don’t have a right to tell him what to do and i said to him do it but please at least cut down a bit. And then there’s where the problems started because he just hasn’t tried to cut down eve though he claims he has. I feel like you guys are right and i’m going to have to accept it but i really don’t want to

Reply 7

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

you guys are 100% right.. In the beginning i was horrible and said you’re basically quitting now when i realised he was never going to quit. Then started to feel crap thinking i don’t have a right to tell him what to do and i said to him do it but please at least cut down a bit. And then there’s where the problems started because he just hasn’t tried to cut down eve though he claims he has. I feel like you guys are right and i’m going to have to accept it but i really don’t want to

pls dont take the complete blame, hed made u a promise and didnt keep it. and sure it is hard to stop smoking but eh couldve at least tried to cut down. maybe try having a conversation with him and tell him why you want him to cut down, dont tell him to completely cut it out tho

Reply 8

username4986690

19

You need anger management.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

pls dont take the complete blame, hed made u a promise and didnt keep it. and sure it is hard to stop smoking but eh couldve at least tried to cut down. maybe try having a conversation with him and tell him why you want him to cut down, dont tell him to completely cut it out tho

Yeah i’ve tried that before and each time he says he will try he kind of just lets me down and doesn’t. Literally i do feel like the bad person because at least he doesn’t hit me? Like i’ve done to him

Original post by DiddyDec

You need anger management.

I would think so too. Anger runs in my family my dad has always had a temper and so have my other family members. I thought i was the patient one until i got married and started lashing out and

Reply 10

FTheOpps

18

Original post by Anonymous

Dude I wouldn't call it domestic abuse. Not yet.

if it was a man you'd say differently.

Reply 11

Jaguar1200

15

Original post by DiddyDec

Encouraging domestic abuse, that is a bad take.

i didnt do that.I want op to solve her emotional trauma so she stops doing it.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

yeah i do feel more **** right now. I am definitely abusive though you guys haven’t seen me when i get angry

Reply 13

mnot

Universities Forum Helper

20

This is called domestic abuse.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Jaguar1200

i didnt do that.I want op to solve her emotional trauma so she stops doing it.

what you said definitely makes sense though. I feel like there’s inner wounds i have which haven’t healed.

Reply 15

-Imperator-

14

It's really important that he stops smoking for the sake of his long term health. A good start might be to try and get him to start smoking e-cigarettes. They're far less harmful and, I think, cheaper (though still not cheap).

Reply 16

Foxehh

21

Original post by Anonymous

Dude I wouldn't call it domestic abuse. Not yet.

She has a pattern of hitting him. In what way is that not domestic abuse.

Reply 17

RemDoggydog

11

Original post by Anonymous

So i’m a 26 year old female. Married about a year ago and recently my temper has been so bad. So me and my husband were all cool but then he did something to piss me off (kept smoking) when i’d asked him to cut down on the smoking. So he went and had a cig and came back and I started confronting him saying you promised you would cut down. Initially he promised to quit but that looked unlikely after we married so i said jus cut down i know asking you to quit might be asking too much. So anyway i confronted him and he started saying i’m giving him headache and i’m a control freak etc. Them i slapped him hard out of anger. After i done that he started calling me a psycho ***** etc. I felt really bad and cried aplogised and everything. Now i’m really stressed and worried that i’m a bad woman and person who keeps losing her temper. Like i’ve literally slapped him before like twice. So this was the third time. i’m starting to think there’s something wrong with me mentally m. I did have a very traumatic childhood as i was abused by parents and other people in my life too. I’m not using this as an excuse but i’m just trying to figure out why i have anger problems when it comes to my husband. I really want help and I don’t want to be treating my husband this way it makes me feel like ****. I’ve been to the GP about mental health issues before and he just looked at me awkwardly as i started crying so i really dotn want to go to the GP again. Any advice anyone?

Hey, everyone reaches the end of their tether its normal. Yours came out as a slap. Maybe you could work on a different way of letting anger out or realising when your hitting that breaking point but that's going to take practise and understanding with your husband. He should understand the reasons you want him to quit and maybe he should make an effort to quit however it is an addiction and his choice if he wants to kill his insides. In lockdown things have got hard and every emotion is higher. I had an ex would used to smoke and I hated it and at first I tired to force him to quit which didn't work and instead caused anger between us. However I eventually gave up and ran out of energy and he surprisingly figured it out by himself that it was a terrible expensive habit. Your not going to be able to change his habit (he's a man😂 apparently they're always right 🤔🥱😤😂). He shouldn't have called you names etc however maybe that was his way of getting his frustration across like how you did accidently by a slap. If your husband knows your past with your abuse etc then he should understand that that may be what your used to and therefore need to figure together how to change your habits and not get over but except your past and that what they did was wrong and that it would have rubbed off on you. I'm the same I have something from my past that is bad that has rubbed off on me and I'm slowly getting 'rid' of it in a way and finding the 'correct' way to do it. What I'm saying is your human and if you need someone to talk to dm. But DON'T WORRY, IT IS NOT YOU, it's just something that happened. Your not a bad woman you are a human woman xx

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by FTheOpps

brudda if it was a man with a traumatic past hitting his wife he'd still be classed as abusive what's different in this case

Since i am the OP i will give you a difference. second time i hit him he just hit me back- he is much stronger and bigger than me and when he hit me i can guarantee it hurt more than when i hit him. He can defend himself i am literally half his size and i mentioned to him maybe he should. He is literally a police officer and could probably get me in trouble too..

Reply 19

Anonymous #4

contact womens aid, freedom programme, idva, mankind. Specifically contact mankind - your husband should get advice from them and I believe they have programmes for people in your position (women doing the hitting) too

I hit my husband

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