Is this wrong?

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Anonymous #1
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years at this point. He’s recently moved houses and he’s quite far in distance. The distance is already a struggle to cope with but, we won’t be able to see each other until legal age.
My mum has been planning to rehouse. She had wanted to move to a different area but, I suggested my boyfriend’s area, to which she was okay with but, still not sure about. Keep in mind, she has not met my boyfriend yet and doesn’t know he lives in this area; she’s strict and doesn’t support the idea of me dating at this age. But I would love for them to meet, I believe she’ll like him. Is it wrong that I’ve suggested to move to his area purely for our benefit? I’ve done a lot of research on the area and it has all aspects that my family had said they were interested in so, it also benefits them in a way. I understand that this relationship may not last long but, if that’s the case, the area is great for education facilities and job opportunities. What should I do?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years at this point. He’s recently moved houses and he’s quite far in distance. The distance is already a struggle to cope with but, we won’t be able to see each other until legal age.
My mum has been planning to rehouse. She had wanted to move to a different area but, I suggested my boyfriend’s area, to which she was okay with but, still not sure about. Keep in mind, she has not met my boyfriend yet and doesn’t know he lives in this area; she’s strict and doesn’t support the idea of me dating at this age. But I would love for them to meet, I believe she’ll like him. Is it wrong that I’ve suggested to move to his area purely for our benefit? I’ve done a lot of research on the area and it has all aspects that my family had said they were interested in so, it also benefits them in a way. I understand that this relationship may not last long but, if that’s the case, the area is great for education facilities and job opportunities. What should I do?
Well i wouldn’t say it’s wrong. But I mean it depends on ur age and if ur guaranteed ur going to last cause it would be pointless if you broke up. This probably doesn’t help lol sorry. I wish I had a bf lmao
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Anonymous #3
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Depends on the age gap. If you've never met him then you don't actually know who he is, I can see why your mum might be concerned as situations like this are commonly associated with grooming. And remember, if it turns nasty you'll be stuck there near him.
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mkim123
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No, I don't think it's bad.. it's not like your moving to some terrible run-down areas with useless facilities. Everything that your family is looking for is there, your boyfriend living there is just a plus. You haven't done anything wrong.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well i wouldn’t say it’s wrong. But I mean it depends on ur age and if ur guaranteed ur going to last cause it would be pointless if you broke up. This probably doesn’t help lol sorry. I wish I had a bf lmao
I’m sure you’ll find someone soon! And there haven’t been any problems in the duration of the relationship. Only issue is my ex who continually attempts to make contact with me. I live in the same area as him and I’m desperately trying to move further away.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Depends on the age gap. If you've never met him then you don't actually know who he is, I can see why your mum might be concerned as situations like this are commonly associated with grooming. And remember, if it turns nasty you'll be stuck there near him.
I’m sorry, my post sounds like we don’t know each other, we do, he attended my secondary school and we were good friends before we started dating, he just recently moved, about 4 months ago. 😭
He’s about 4 months older than me (We’re in the same year group).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mkim123)
No, I don't think it's bad.. it's not like your moving to some terrible run-down areas with useless facilities. Everything that your family is looking for is there, your boyfriend living there is just a plus. You haven't done anything wrong.
Thank you for clearing this out. I was afraid I was being too selfish by attempting to move to the same area as my boyfriend.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for clearing this out. I was afraid I was being too selfish by attempting to move to the same area as my boyfriend.
Imagine having a bf cant relate lol
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Foxehh
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#9
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Not wrong, but you might not want to mention you suggested moving there to be with him- that might be a bit odd for her to hear.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Imagine having a bf cant relate lol
It’s okay! A relationship will come to you in time, don’t worry too much about it!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Not wrong, but you might not want to mention you suggested moving there to be with him- that might be a bit odd for her to hear.
I’ve only mentioned the good facilities in the area, not my boyfriend, she’ll probably be against it if I told her so soon. 😭
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years at this point. He’s recently moved houses and he’s quite far in distance. The distance is already a struggle to cope with but, we won’t be able to see each other until legal age.
My mum has been planning to rehouse. She had wanted to move to a different area but, I suggested my boyfriend’s area, to which she was okay with but, still not sure about. Keep in mind, she has not met my boyfriend yet and doesn’t know he lives in this area; she’s strict and doesn’t support the idea of me dating at this age. But I would love for them to meet, I believe she’ll like him. Is it wrong that I’ve suggested to move to his area purely for our benefit? I’ve done a lot of research on the area and it has all aspects that my family had said they were interested in so, it also benefits them in a way. I understand that this relationship may not last long but, if that’s the case, the area is great for education facilities and job opportunities. What should I do?
It’s not wrong but I’d honestly factor the boyfriend out of the decision making altogether. Just in case anything happened in the future and it didn’t work out then you would want yourself and your family to be genuinely happy with the area for lots of other reasons.
It seems like there are lots of reasons other than your boyfriend living there which works for your family so that shouldn’t be a problem but I’d really stick to judging the area unbiasedly to see if it’s the best place for you and your family irrespective of your boyfriend.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It’s not wrong but I’d honestly factor the boyfriend out of the decision making altogether. Just in case anything happened in the future and it didn’t work out then you would want yourself and your family to be genuinely happy with the area for lots of other reasons.
It seems like there are lots of reasons other than your boyfriend living there which works for your family so that shouldn’t be a problem but I’d really stick to judging the area unbiasedly to see if it’s the best place for you and your family irrespective of your boyfriend.
I’ve judged most factors, (Crime rates, education facilities, job opportunities, housing and prices etc.) comparing this to my current area and the area my mum had been deciding on. Overall, it beats all areas in terms of these factors. Only issue is religion. My mum wants an area where she can fit into her religious community and although my boyfriend’s area has more of my mum’s religious community than the area she is still deciding on, it’s not a lot compared to other areas that are out of question... What do you think about this? My mum is able to communicate with other religions and the area is very accepting but, it’s just a preference she has. (The rest of my family is comfortable with any religion.)
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve judged most factors, (Crime rates, education facilities, job opportunities, housing and prices etc.) comparing this to my current area and the area my mum had been deciding on. Overall, it beats all areas in terms of these factors. Only issue is religion. My mum wants an area where she can fit into her religious community and although my boyfriend’s area has more of my mum’s religious community than the area she is still deciding on, it’s not a lot compared to other areas that are out of question... What do you think about this? My mum is able to communicate with other religions and the area is very accepting but, it’s just a preference she has. (The rest of my family is comfortable with any religion.)
Can I ask what the areas are (your boyfriend’s and the other your mum is considering) and/or what religion you mum follows?
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Anonymous #1
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My mum is a Muslim. Here’s factors that effect my mum’s choice, from a census, on both areas:

My boyfriend’s area:
Females (2019): 50.1%
Asians (2011): 19,403
Arabs (2011): 5,629
Muslims (2011): 15,209
No religion (2011): 82,701

The area my mum is considering:
Females (2019): 51.5%
Asians (2011): 4,766
Arabs (2011): 112
Muslims (2011): 1,622
No religion (2011): 52,923

I included “No religion” since people without a religion tend to be more accepting. The area my mum is considering is also more isolated than my boyfriend’s area, if this factor counts for something. If you’re comparing these two areas, my boyfriend’s area obviously wins by default, considering the increase in Islam but, there’s also a lot more Christians/Catholics that make up the city but... we live in the United Kingdom so, this is expected. A council that has the most Muslims in the U.K. is the council that we currently live in. I’ll have to look into different councils in my boyfriend’s area to see which are predominantly Muslim if I want a chance of moving there.
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Anonymous #4
#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum is a Muslim. Here’s factors that effect my mum’s choice, from a census, on both areas:

My boyfriend’s area:
Females (2019): 50.1%
Asians (2011): 19,403
Arabs (2011): 5,629
Muslims (2011): 15,209
No religion (2011): 82,701

The area my mum is considering:
Females (2019): 51.5%
Asians (2011): 4,766
Arabs (2011): 112
Muslims (2011): 1,622
No religion (2011): 52,923

I included “No religion” since people without a religion tend to be more accepting. The area my mum is considering is also more isolated than my boyfriend’s area, if this factor counts for something. If you’re comparing these two areas, my boyfriend’s area obviously wins by default, considering the increase in Islam but, there’s also a lot more Christians/Catholics that make up the city but... we live in the United Kingdom so, this is expected. A council that has the most Muslims in the U.K. is the council that we currently live in. I’ll have to look into different councils in my boyfriend’s area to see which are predominantly Muslim if I want a chance of moving there.
Tbh the figures you’ve posted of the number of people of each religion don’t mean much by themselves as comparatively it seems like the area your mum is considering is just smaller. What would be more comparable is a percentage or a number for each group per 10,000 or 100,000 people - unrelated to this but it’s just bad statistics to say that your boyfriend’s area wins by default with the figures you mention. Also, the figures you’ve posted are about 10 years old - it’s likely these areas have changed in the past 10 years.

I think it’s helpful to think about maybe how the demographic has changed recently rather than what it was like 10 years ago. It could provide a good indicator as to whether the number of Muslim people etc is likely to increase or decrease in a particular area. For example, the area I lived in when I was younger was very predominantly Muslim, before that it was Christian and now it’s atheist. The area I moved to was predominantly Jewish, then it became Hindu/Muslim and now it’s Christian/Catholic. At the end of the day, there are Muslim people everywhere and your mum will find similar minded people as long as there’s a mosque in the area (which there’s likely to be). Despite all the changes in the areas I’ve lived in, there’s always been a very strong Muslim community even if they are in the minority at any point. It might be worth looking into the mosques of each area, how big they seem to be, what sort of activities they do (if any) and what that community seems to be like if that’s what she really cares about.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Tbh the figures you’ve posted of the number of people of each religion don’t mean much by themselves as comparatively it seems like the area your mum is considering is just smaller. What would be more comparable is a percentage or a number for each group per 10,000 or 100,000 people - unrelated to this but it’s just bad statistics to say that your boyfriend’s area wins by default with the figures you mention. Also, the figures you’ve posted are about 10 years old - it’s likely these areas have changed in the past 10 years.

I think it’s helpful to think about maybe how the demographic has changed recently rather than what it was like 10 years ago. It could provide a good indicator as to whether the number of Muslim people etc is likely to increase or decrease in a particular area. For example, the area I lived in when I was younger was very predominantly Muslim, before that it was Christian and now it’s atheist. The area I moved to was predominantly Jewish, then it became Hindu/Muslim and now it’s Christian/Catholic. At the end of the day, there are Muslim people everywhere and your mum will find similar minded people as long as there’s a mosque in the area (which there’s likely to be). Despite all the changes in the areas I’ve lived in, there’s always been a very strong Muslim community even if they are in the minority at any point. It might be worth looking into the mosques of each area, how big they seem to be, what sort of activities they do (if any) and what that community seems to be like if that’s what she really cares about.
Thank you for your response!
Unfortunately, I can’t find any information on both areas to present day. I’m assuming it’s because 2011 was the previous census to take place in the U.K.
My mum doesn’t attend mosques or practices her religion in public areas, she worships from home but, there are 4 popular mosques in my boyfriend’s area (I know there may be smaller mosques that are less utilised but, I don’t know where I can search for this information) and 3 popular mosques in the area my mum had been considering so, not much of a major difference. Although, the religion in my boyfriend’s area was decreasing in 2019 (There was a 46% increase in people who had claimed to not have a religion, about 39% of the population) and, as I stated, people without a religion tend to be less judgemental so, I assume this is okay. Religion was considered a factor that effects my mum’s decision due to discrimination, so I believe any area would be okay, as long as it’s considered accepting. The area my boyfriend lives in was considered to be “Muslim friendly” and I can’t find any information on the area my mum is considering but, of course, I can’t base my suggestion off of what it says in the news. I don’t know if this information can help decide which is the better option.
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Joey so rare
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Well, I don't think it's wrong to suggest moving there. But, as mentioned in an earlier post, if things get nasty between the two of you, you won't enjoy living around in the same area as him. Odds are that you will be in a bit of a problem if you decide to break up with him and you want to move on with your life, and he doesn't want to let go. You'll regret having moved there. We all had that girlfriend/boyfriend we always wanted to be with but ended up regretting having dated them altogether.

That said, I think you'd enjoy moving there since it's not such a bad place to live in. With or without him. That's if you've made all the necessary considerations. I'm sure your mom would understand.

Excuse my English. 😉😇
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joey so rare)
Well, I don't think it's wrong to suggest moving there. But, as mentioned in an earlier post, if things get nasty between the two of you, you won't enjoy living around in the same area as him. Odds are that you will be in a bit of a problem if you decide to break up with him and you want to move on with your life, and he doesn't want to let go. You'll regret having moved there. We all had that girlfriend/boyfriend we always wanted to be with but ended up regretting having dated them altogether.

That said, I think you'd enjoy moving there since it's not such a bad place to live in. With or without him. That's if you've made all the necessary considerations. I'm sure your mom would understand.

Excuse my English. 😉😇
I don’t think it’ll come down to that but, I will be sure to take extra precautions if I do end up living in the same area as him! And, no worries, your English was perfect in your response.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m sorry, my post sounds like we don’t know each other, we do, he attended my secondary school and we were good friends before we started dating, he just recently moved, about 4 months ago. 😭
He’s about 4 months older than me (We’re in the same year group).
Ohhhhhh, then there's no imminent risk to you moving there but again you have to consider what happens if you break up. Will you be leaving friends behind as well?
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