GCSE Edexcel Geography B - Development Dynamics

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Hi all.
I am in year 9 and am currently studying towards my GCSES. Our school uses the Edexcel GCSE Geography B specification, and we are currently studying the Development Dynamics unit. Recently, my geography teacher gave me this homework question:

"Using examples, assess the changes globalisation has brought to one emerging country." [12]

I am struggling on how to approach this question. I have attempted it, but I feel it is too verbose (it has exceeded 2 pages on paper), and it seems like I'm waffling. I wish to gain full marks whilst keeping my answer concise. Here is my answer:

Globalisation has brought many social and economic changes to India. This essay will assess urban expansion, demographic shifts, and economic changes.

Arguably, the most significant change brought by globalisation is urban expansion. This has taken place on a rapid scale due to mass rural-urban migration. For example, in 1990, 25% of India's population was urban - this rose to 33% by 2015. The increase in population in urban areas has created a skilled workforce, which attracts many TNCs, who created many jobs, such as in call centres and IT. This has caused a rapid growth in economy, and through the multiplier effect, has created many other jobs for less skilled people. Urban expansion has also lead to improvements in infrastructure, such as the construction of many apartment blocks to accommodate single professionals. Therefore, urban expansion caused by globalisation has brought multiple benefit's to India's economy and social status, which is why it is the most significant change.

Secondly, globalisation has brought significant demographic shifts to the country. Education is available on a wider scale, meaning more urban women are being educated, developing careers, marrying later in life, and having fewer children. This has resulted in falling birth and fertility rates. This is shown by the stats: in 1991, the fertility rate was 4.0, which dropped to 2.5 in 2014, just above the replacement level. This also caused a lowering dependency ratio, which means that there are sufficient workers who can support the dependent population. As a result, more tax is being collected, which is reinvested by the Indian government into development schemes such as healthcare. However, the impacts are not as profound as the economic boom generated by TNCs and urban expansion.

Finally, significant economic changes, especially employment trends, have been brought by globalisation through TNCs. For TNCs, India's minimum wage is 87% lower than in the UK, and many clothing companies exploit this. This employment trend is controversial. For instance, there is no shortage of workers willing to work over 100hrs a week in factories for an average of £35. Also, most textile jobs are unskilled, so 70% of employees are young women on lowest pay. This has lead to TNCs providing harsh working conditions, which has sparked controversies around the world. Therefore, while globalisation may offer some benefits, it may be argued that it also threatens India's social stability.

I would very much appreciate if anyone could guide me on the following points:
1. How many marks out of 12 would you expect my response to get?
2. How could I write my answer more succinctly and concisely, whilst still gaining full marks.

Thanks.
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