I hate how I look and I hate my life

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whatitdowhatitbe
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I am an average 5/10 girl and I have ruined my life because I strive to look like something that I know I can never achieve. I want to be at the top of the hierarchy, I want to be the most beautiful girl people have ever seen, I want to look like a model. My BDD has affected me to a great extent: I have dropped out of university, it has been affecting my physical health, I don't eat/sleep. All I do is constantly seek validation online from strangers and they always rate me as average or ugly no matter what. I want a nose job, buccal fat removal and lip fillers but I know if I go down this path it will be never ending.

I have tried, I really have. I am on medication- its not helping. I am seeing a therapist- it is not helping. It's crippling me inside and I know if I go down this path I will do something which is irreversible.

Now I do not want you to validate me or lie to me and say I am beautiful when I know I am objectively not. I believe looks are the most important thing in life and I cannot change this mindset so please do not try to change my thinking. Instead, I would like some advice on how I can work around this because at this point it is crushing me.

Just to add context this is how I look, I added this in only because people in the replies were saying 'I'm sure you're beautiful', just wanted to show you I'm not so please don't feed me lies
Last edited by whatitdowhatitbe; 1 month ago
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Joey so rare
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I don't know how you even got to this point but I think you are being hard on yourself. If you don't mind my asking, do you have friends? I mean real friends, because, at the end of the day, we're all online strangers and even if we give you advice now, it'll only be the same: learn to take things easy.

Why would you want to be the most beautiful girl in the room? Why would you want to be at the top hierarchy? It baffles me.

I'm afraid, there's no polite way to say this: first things first if you want people to consider you beautiful, you need to think of yourself as beautiful. Take your time, and don't be anxious by frantically feeling the need to impress people because you guessed it, most - if not all, are strangers. And they most likely will forever be.

Start by going back to the past, find out where you lost yourself, discover and love yourself. If you want you to be noticed, why won't you start by noticing yourself first and acknowledging the fact that, even if you don't look like the girl on TV, you're a human being? Btw, the women you wish you looked like are human first before anything else. Start being one, and everything else will fall into place.

I'm sorry for hurting your feelings but there is no other way of treating a wound without hurting it all the more.

I hope you'll through this.
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the_pharaoh
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(Original post by whatitdowhatitbe)
I am an average 5/10 girl and I have ruined my life because I strive to look like something that I know I can never achieve. I want to be at the top of the hierarchy, I want to be the most beautiful girl people have ever seen, I want to look like a model. My BDD has affected me to a great extent: I have dropped out of university, it has been affecting my physical health, I don't eat/sleep. All I do is constantly seek validation online from strangers and they always rate me as average or ugly no matter what.

I have tried, I really have. I am on medication- its not helping. I am seeing a therapist- it is not helping. It's crippling me inside and I know if I go down this path I will do something which is irreversible.

Now I do not want you to validate me or lie to me and say I am beautiful when I know I am objectively not. I believe looks are the most important thing in life and I cannot change this mindset so please do not try to change my thinking. Instead, I would like some advice on how I can work around this because at this point it is crushing me.
All im gonna do is agree with everything u said

Except wanting to be someone ur not like why do u give a **** just act like u don't care about anything especially ur looks and with time someone will come to u and call u cutie or hot and it'll be Tru cuz they find u attractive u just continue on working on yourself like working out maybe get a new haircut but that's it don't do anything uneccessarry it'll make it worse

Like if u don't think ur look beautiful now you'll never feel satisfied with how u look
Last edited by the_pharaoh; 1 month ago
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whatitdowhatitbe
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(Original post by Joey so rare)
I don't know how you even got to this point but I think you are being hard on yourself. If you don't mind my asking, do you have friends? I mean real friends, because, at the end of the day, we're all online strangers and even if we give you advice now, it'll only be the same: learn to take things easy.

Why would you want to be the most beautiful girl in the room? Why would you want to be at the top hierarchy? It baffles me.

I'm afraid, there's no polite way to say this: first things first if you want people to consider you beautiful, you need to think of yourself as beautiful. Take your time, and don't be anxious by frantically feeling the need to impress people because you guessed it, most - if not all, are strangers. And they most likely will forever be.

Start by going back to the past, find out where you lost yourself, discover and love yourself. If you want you to be noticed, why won't you start by noticing yourself first and acknowledging the fact that, even if you don't look like the girl on TV, you're a human being? Btw, the women you wish you looked like are human first before anything else. Start being one, and everything else will fall into place.

I'm sorry for hurting your feelings but there is no other way of treating a wound without hurting it all the more.

I hope you'll through this.
Honestly...I don't really have any friends

It's very hard for me to understand where you are coming from because I think very differently to you. I want validation based off my looks, not my grades or other achievements. My lack of validation and affection from the past has made me this way. My online trolling and death threats for the way I look has made me this way. There's other deeper routed reasons but I don't wish to discuss them.
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cherry12654
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(Original post by whatitdowhatitbe)
I am an average 5/10 girl and I have ruined my life because I strive to look like something that I know I can never achieve. I want to be at the top of the hierarchy, I want to be the most beautiful girl people have ever seen, I want to look like a model. My BDD has affected me to a great extent: I have dropped out of university, it has been affecting my physical health, I don't eat/sleep. All I do is constantly seek validation online from strangers and they always rate me as average or ugly no matter what.

I have tried, I really have. I am on medication- its not helping. I am seeing a therapist- it is not helping. It's crippling me inside and I know if I go down this path I will do something which is irreversible.

Now I do not want you to validate me or lie to me and say I am beautiful when I know I am objectively not. I believe looks are the most important thing in life and I cannot change this mindset so please do not try to change my thinking. Instead, I would like some advice on how I can work around this because at this point it is crushing me.
Hey sorry to hear you are on medication and you don't feel too good right now. What I can say is to focus on loving yourself like BTS has taught me. You say you want to become the most beautiful girl and in order to do that first you must start by loving yourself. When you start loving yourself you will find that you will have less stress and you will be a more happy person and that positive energy will reflect on your looks. Some other things that make a person beautiful if you really want to know is having good skin. I suggest buying some cleansers and things like that to help your skin look nice. Then you could try styling your hair and buying nice clothes. Also exercise, it can really help as looking healthy is attractive and beautiful for sure. If you still want to do something more then I suggest trying makeup as it can enhance your natural beauty. Just know that beauty is seen differently depending on the person. Some would argue that a person is not beautiful but cute and different people prefer different types. So like this just don't worry too much I'm sure your a really beautiful person
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Joey so rare
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(Original post by whatitdowhatitbe)
Honestly...I don't have any friends

It's very hard for me to understand where you are coming from because I think very differently from you. I want validation based on my looks, not my grades or other achievements. My lack of validation and affection from the past has made me this way. My online trolling and death threats for the way I look has made me this way. There are other deeper routed reasons but I don't wish to discuss them.
I'm sorry to hear about that. However, you're going to need friends to get through this, you can't do it alone. When you feel like you're no longer stuck in the same place, one thing will be enough to throw you right back. There are people out there who wish they were friends with someone like you, it's not like you're a POS. You just have to find them. As said in another post, you need to get up and exercise. Go to the gym, or for a run. chances are you'll meet someone there who will keep you distracted from those thoughts, who knows.......

I strongly believe you'll get past this by having someone to talk to. We all feel better when we talk to someone than when we don't. Everyone has their struggle, we just happen to get past them pretty fast. I hope you will too!

I just need to emphasise that you get out there and be heard, and seen! There are a lot of people I've seen and liked before, not because they look good. Most look plain. Their pleasant personalities make them wonderful people to be around.
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LordBerkut
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Even if you are extremely ugly (which is probably not an accurate perception if you have BDD), ugly people have relationships, friends, careers, whatever, the same as everyone else.

If you're compulsively seeking validation online though 'rate my looks' posts then just stay the hell off the internet. If you're obsessively taking photos of yourself swap your phone for an old flip phone or disable the camera. Get rid of mirrors if need be.

Focus on other things outside of the way you look. Go out and do stuff. Eventually you'll obsess less.
Last edited by LordBerkut; 1 month ago
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Afrrobaby
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(Original post by whatitdowhatitbe)
I am an average 5/10 girl and I have ruined my life because I strive to look like something that I know I can never achieve. I want to be at the top of the hierarchy, I want to be the most beautiful girl people have ever seen, I want to look like a model. My BDD has affected me to a great extent: I have dropped out of university, it has been affecting my physical health, I don't eat/sleep. All I do is constantly seek validation online from strangers and they always rate me as average or ugly no matter what.

I have tried, I really have. I am on medication- its not helping. I am seeing a therapist- it is not helping. It's crippling me inside and I know if I go down this path I will do something which is irreversible.

Now I do not want you to validate me or lie to me and say I am beautiful when I know I am objectively not. I believe looks are the most important thing in life and I cannot change this mindset so please do not try to change my thinking. Instead, I would like some advice on how I can work around this because at this point it is crushing me.
I find that I have the same problems. If you watch RuPaul drag race he says ‘if you don’t love yourself how the hell someone gon love you’. It’s actually very true people only treat you how you treat yourself. If you feel that you are ugly not deserving of love and affection then you shouldn’t except someone else too.
I would advice you to get your ‘sh*t’ together focus on something which will better your life. Maybe try going back to uni or take up a hobby. Try self confidence classes to build your self esteem.

When you talked about ‘beautiful girls’ it feels like you think that they are not insecure too. Everyone yes everyone has insecurities whether your thick, slim, tall, short, dark, pale, you name it. You find that they have also very insecure as mostly guys go for them because of their looks. Also these girls never really have worked on your personality since they rely on their looks and mostly are quite boring. This isn’t to put anyone down but you can see the point I’m making. We all have issues on the way we look.
Also looks fade if your looking for someone that you want to spend your life with then I’m sure you would like a genuine connection rather than sexual attraction
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whatitdowhatitbe
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(Original post by Afrrobaby)
I find that I have the same problems. If you watch RuPaul drag race he says ‘if you don’t love yourself how the hell someone gon love you’. It’s actually very true people only treat you how you treat yourself. If you feel that you are ugly not deserving of love and affection then you shouldn’t except someone else too.
I would advice you to get your ‘sh*t’ together focus on something which will better your life. Maybe try going back to uni or take up a hobby. Try self confidence classes to build your self esteem.

When you talked about ‘beautiful girls’ it feels like you think that they are not insecure too. Everyone yes everyone has insecurities whether your thick, slim, tall, short, dark, pale, you name it. You find that they have also very insecure as mostly guys go for them because of their looks. Also these girls never really have worked on your personality since they rely on their looks and mostly are quite boring. This isn’t to put anyone down but you can see the point I’m making. We all have issues on the way we look.
Also looks fade if your looking for someone that you want to spend your life with then I’m sure you would like a genuine connection rather than sexual attraction
I've noticed people saying that unless you think you're beautiful, no one else will. This is cliche and the reality is that even if you think you are beautiful, if you're objectively not (looks are objective to an extent), then people won't see you way. I know there are exceptions but I don't want to be seen as attractive because of my confidence, I want to be seen as attractive because of my looks and looks alone
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whatitdowhatitbe
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(Original post by LordBerkut)
Even if you are extremely ugly (which is probably not an accurate perception if you have BDD), ugly people have relationships, friends, careers, whatever, the same as everyone else.

If you're compulsively seeking validation online though 'rate my looks' posts then just stay the hell off the internet. If you're obsessively taking photos of yourself swap your phone for an old flip phone or disable the camera. Get rid of mirrors if need be.

Focus on other things outside of the way you look. Go out and do stuff. Eventually you'll obsess less.
Thanks for the advice

I realize that seeking validation online is really bad for my mental health, I acknowledge the negative effects it has had on me yet I still continue to post my pics and get validation. It's a horrible addiction
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whatitdowhatitbe
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Jack1255

I say your PM thanks for reaching out but I can't reply to it because I don't have enough posts yet
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Bradgate1
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so we all like a bit of validation. How long has this been an issue for you? and what do you think triggered your anxiety on seeking to be the most beautiful person?
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username4524630
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If you’re going to make a troll thread, use a more realistic pic and don’t post the same photo on a bodybuilding forum lol
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whatitdowhatitbe
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(Original post by Bradgate1)
so we all like a bit of validation. How long has this been an issue for you? and what do you think triggered your anxiety on seeking to be the most beautiful person?
It's been an issue for quite a while now, it was especially exacerbated once I started receiving the online trolling for the way I looked
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whatitdowhatitbe
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(Original post by BiggestLoser21)
If you’re going to make a troll thread, use a more realistic pic and don’t post the same photo on a bodybuilding forum lol
Misc, That was me, I posted on there
Yesterday
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Joel 96
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(Original post by whatitdowhatitbe)
I am an average 5/10 girl and I have ruined my life because I strive to look like something that I know I can never achieve. I want to be at the top of the hierarchy, I want to be the most beautiful girl people have ever seen, I want to look like a model. My BDD has affected me to a great extent: I have dropped out of university, it has been affecting my physical health, I don't eat/sleep. All I do is constantly seek validation online from strangers and they always rate me as average or ugly no matter what. I want a nose job, buccal fat removal and lip fillers but I know if I go down this path it will be never ending.

I have tried, I really have. I am on medication- its not helping. I am seeing a therapist- it is not helping. It's crippling me inside and I know if I go down this path I will do something which is irreversible.

Now I do not want you to validate me or lie to me and say I am beautiful when I know I am objectively not. I believe looks are the most important thing in life and I cannot change this mindset so please do not try to change my thinking. Instead, I would like some advice on how I can work around this because at this point it is crushing me.

Just to add context this is how I look, I added this in only because people in the replies were saying 'I'm sure you're beautiful', just wanted to show you I'm not so please don't feed me lies
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You made several horrible threads on bodybuilding.com under the name "mariabaddie". You're a catfish.
And you probably took the images off Facebook or something, since those pics don't come up through reverse image searching.
Nice try though, it was entertaining to read.
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whatitdowhatitbe
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(Original post by Joel 96)
You made several horrible threads on bodybuilding.com under the name "mariabaddie". You're a catfish.
And you probably took the images off Facebook or something, since those pics don't come up through reverse image searching.
Nice try though, it was entertaining to read.
how the hell did you find the threads, does everyone on tsr use misc
and no I am not 'larping' that is me, stop derailing my thread
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Joel 96
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(Original post by whatitdowhatitbe)
how the hell did you find the threads, does everyone on tsr use misc
and no I am not 'larping' that is me, stop derailing my thread
Magic.

It's very simple, just post a pic with you holding a piece of paper with today's date. If you do this then I will never again attempt to call-out larps.
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whatitdowhatitbe
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(Original post by Joel 96)
Magic.

It's very simple, just post a pic with you holding a piece of paper with today's date. If you do this then I will never again attempt to call-out larps.
That was not the point of the thread
Answer my question in OP or get the hell off my thread thanks
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Joel 96
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(Original post by whatitdowhatitbe)
That was not the point of the thread
Answer my question in OP or get the hell off my thread thanks
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