Situationship ended...Heartbroken...how do you move on?

Two days ago...the 'situationship' I was in...ended. 8 months just done. We've left it on amicable terms...friends but not really- we'll be just like civil strangers that will say 'hey', 'how are you doing?' as polite notions if we ever pass each other in the street.

I'm trying to accept that you were no good for me. That you led me on, used me for my company and sex, had no genuine intention to offer me a committed relationship. We dated for 2 months, then became FWB, then at the beginning of Feb, you admitted you had 'little feelings' for me. So, we started dating again but you never gave me the reassurance that we actually were. You were consistent for three weeks, wanting to spend time with me, morning messages etc etc, and then you started to pull away...later replies but I didn't hold that against you because I knew you would reply...but then you wanted to spend less time together, you were leaving me on read, you were sometimes flirtatious, other times, distant. It had me overthinking everything.

So on Monday, I asked you whether we were dating and whether this was actually going anywhere or if you wanted to just be friends. You couldn't say much on the phone so we met up Tuesday night. And you told me 'it's better we're just friends'. You turned it on me, gaslit me into thinking it's my fault, that I was overthinking things. But you never gave me the impression that we were dating, you made me feel like we're still FWBs. And I stupidly fell into my feelings again trying to salvage it...but you were adamant to be just friends. You gave it all way...that you never wanted a relationship. Saying how you preferred it when we casual. There was no pressure to text or see me then. I'm sorry that I made it feel like a chore for you? But you were the one inviting me around, asking me to hang out. You led me on after I gave you a second chance...the benefit of the doubt because I knew you'd take longer to warm up to discussing feelings and even relationships. I was too nice...to chill. And now I'm sad...because it's really over. I can't go back to you and you don't want to go back to me because you know I am in too deep to want to just say casual.

I hate how you've broken my heart again. I hate you led me onto thinking that this time would be different. And I hate you're making me doubt myself, making me think it's my fault that we're just friends...that it's done with.

So how do I move on? 8 months I gave my everything into you. I feel like I can't function without you. I feel so empty, so lost. All those promises you said, all those things we were gonna do. Gone. Everyone keeps saying 'you deserve better/ you'll fine better/ focus on yourself' but I just want you. And I can't accept that reality that you're actually gone. That you don't care.

I keep thinking that if I didn't have that conversation Monday, we would still be talking today. With more time, you would have eventually committed because I never put pressure on you to. But as everyone says, 'he never was going to' and you made that abundantly clear the other night. So, why do I keep blaming myself?