Friendship Dilemma (edit)

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#1
Last year, one of my close friends (I'll call her J) started distancing herself from my friendship group. She started eating lunch separately and also did some other things that at the time were mildly hurtful to us.

My best friend (T) and I were concerned by her behaviour and sent her a message that we wrote together asking her if she was alright and also let her know that some of her actions had upset us a little. We received no reply and over the last year we just assumed that she had gone her separate way.

Recently, J and I had a long conversation about what happened and she opened up about several circumstances at the time which had led to her mildly hurtful actions. I asked her that although that made a lot of sense now that I had context, why had she not told me and T at the time? She said that someone in the group was making her uncomfortable and had put her in a bad place mental health wise. She wouldn't tell me who it was but it was clear that she meant T.

T is one of my closest friends. He can be blunt and says exactly what he thinks without a filter. This can be offensive at times but he is genuine and that's why I hang out with him. He has often talked to me about this and worries about accidentally offending someone. He has asked me to let him know if he does so. J is very sensitive and I have noticed that at times, T has been a little rude and insensitive to J.

J has asked me not to tell anybody about our conversation as it is private. However, I feel that T would be very upset to know he had caused harm to J and I feel like I should tell him as this is something that really bothers him. He still doesn't know why J behaved like that. I know it was something that J trusted me to keep secret but as a close friend to T, I think he should be aware of this and I think he would be hurt to know I kept this from him.

What should I do? Sorry this is so long.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 4 months ago
#2
what if you just suggest to T that you’ve noticed that they are being a little bit mean to J but don’t specifically tell T what J told you? idk if that makes sense
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
what if you just suggest to T that you’ve noticed that they are being a little bit mean to J but don’t specifically tell T what J told you? idk if that makes sense
Thanks for the reply The only problem is that J hasn't talked to T for a long time now. He's more or less given up trying to reach out so it would be a bit odd for me to ask that without him wondering why I'm bringing it up now.
0
reply
sippingchl0rine
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 months ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the reply The only problem is that J hasn't talked to T for a long time now. He's more or less given up trying to reach out so it would be a bit odd for me to ask that without him wondering why I'm bringing it up now.
Well I don’t think you can really do anything else then. You either tell T or you don’t. This is a situation that is probably not going to have a good ending if you tell T but it depends on if you can handle keeping this information to yourself. Sorry for the bad response but i’m not sure you can do much in this situation.
0
reply
Catsarepurrfect
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 months ago
#5
Try to imagine what would happen if you told T. You said he would be very upset. So what use it is going to have to tell him? What will he do? He may try to reach out to J, but if something he said put her in bad enough mental health place that she distanced herself completely for a year, she probably doesn't want to reconnect. And she would be mad that you told him, rightfully so, in my opinion. It is really private matter and she told you in confidence. By this you will break her trust and she will probably distance herself again from you. So you will end up with T upset that his actions caused her to distance herself and with J not talking with either of you.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#6
(Original post by sippingchl0rine)
Well I don’t think you can really do anything else then. You either tell T or you don’t. This is a situation that is probably not going to have a good ending if you tell T but it depends on if you can handle keeping this information to yourself. Sorry for the bad response but i’m not sure you can do much in this situation.
Thank you. I agree and I realise it's best to keep my mouth shut. It's just that I'm a really guilty person and I can't help but feel bad for every little thing . I also remember T being really upset about this whole thing and I feel even worse.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#7
(Original post by Catsarepurrfect)
Try to imagine what would happen if you told T. You said he would be very upset. So what use it is going to have to tell him? What will he do? He may try to reach out to J, but if something he said put her in bad enough mental health place that she distanced herself completely for a year, she probably doesn't want to reconnect. And she would be mad that you told him, rightfully so, in my opinion. It is really private matter and she told you in confidence. By this you will break her trust and she will probably distance herself again from you. So you will end up with T upset that his actions caused her to distance herself and with J not talking with either of you.
I didn't think of it like that. Thanks for your advice. I haven't had anyone to talk too since J and T are my closest and most trusted friends so It's really helpful to have other people's opinions as well. I also want to make sure I'm not making a bad decision that could affect my relationships with J and T in the future.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How are you feeling about starting university this autumn?

Really excited (64)
21.99%
Excited but a bit nervous (132)
45.36%
Not bothered either way (36)
12.37%
I'm really nervous (59)
20.27%

Watched Threads

View All