Friendship Dilemma (edit)Watch
My best friend (T) and I were concerned by her behaviour and sent her a message that we wrote together asking her if she was alright and also let her know that some of her actions had upset us a little. We received no reply and over the last year we just assumed that she had gone her separate way.
Recently, J and I had a long conversation about what happened and she opened up about several circumstances at the time which had led to her mildly hurtful actions. I asked her that although that made a lot of sense now that I had context, why had she not told me and T at the time? She said that someone in the group was making her uncomfortable and had put her in a bad place mental health wise. She wouldn't tell me who it was but it was clear that she meant T.
T is one of my closest friends. He can be blunt and says exactly what he thinks without a filter. This can be offensive at times but he is genuine and that's why I hang out with him. He has often talked to me about this and worries about accidentally offending someone. He has asked me to let him know if he does so. J is very sensitive and I have noticed that at times, T has been a little rude and insensitive to J.
J has asked me not to tell anybody about our conversation as it is private. However, I feel that T would be very upset to know he had caused harm to J and I feel like I should tell him as this is something that really bothers him. He still doesn't know why J behaved like that. I know it was something that J trusted me to keep secret but as a close friend to T, I think he should be aware of this and I think he would be hurt to know I kept this from him.
What should I do? Sorry this is so long.
Thanks for the reply The only problem is that J hasn't talked to T for a long time now. He's more or less given up trying to reach out so it would be a bit odd for me to ask that without him wondering why I'm bringing it up now.
Well I don’t think you can really do anything else then. You either tell T or you don’t. This is a situation that is probably not going to have a good ending if you tell T but it depends on if you can handle keeping this information to yourself. Sorry for the bad response but i’m not sure you can do much in this situation.
Try to imagine what would happen if you told T. You said he would be very upset. So what use it is going to have to tell him? What will he do? He may try to reach out to J, but if something he said put her in bad enough mental health place that she distanced herself completely for a year, she probably doesn't want to reconnect. And she would be mad that you told him, rightfully so, in my opinion. It is really private matter and she told you in confidence. By this you will break her trust and she will probably distance herself again from you. So you will end up with T upset that his actions caused her to distance herself and with J not talking with either of you.