Am i wrong to feel like this? Am i selfish?

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stasiaaaax
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#1
Report Thread starter 6 months ago
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So basically, i have been dating a guy for a long time now and everything was good until he slept with his ex. I knew about this encounter and afterwards we were good until his ex said she has feelings for him and i had warned him that this would happened. The guy said that he still likes me and he does not like her and would only just be her friend. This ex then started to have mental health issues which caused her to go hospital and she became really ill. As someone who had episodes of depression and been in a similar situation myself a year before i met the guy... i felt sorry for her and want her to get better hence why i had allowed my 'bf' and his ex to become friends and for him to be there for her (apparently she has no other friends apart from my 'bf'). I was accepting of this until there were instances where i felt that i had been disrespected. For example; he did not tell her that we was dating and she thinks that we are just 'friends' and he met up with her she kissed him on his cheek, which he then dismissed and said it was a 'friendly kiss'. He also did not tell her that we were intimate and the fact he likes me. I asked him why he did not tell her and he replied saying for the sake of her mental health and so she thinks that me and him are JUST friends. Well today i felt upset and lonely (the only person i speak to is my bf) and i felt like i am not getting the same energy back as in calls and spending time with me and i found out he has been on call with her. I told him how i felt, that he isn't putting in any effort in speaking to me and that he didn't tell me he was going to ring her. Instead i was called 'selfish'. As someone who had depressive episodes myself and loneliness i feel like my bf does not take my feelings into account and understand in my POV since i have been so understanding of his and ex's situation about her depression. i felt like he dismisses my feelings and says stuff like 'i don't want her to go back to hospital' 'i always make it about myself' when in actual fact, i feel really low but i don't express it. I am currently plagued by thoughts that he wants her and he is speaking to her in a way to make her feel there is a chance for them to get back together. i am really confused about this because when i ask him he denies this and tells me it's only me and he loves me etc.
I just want some honest answers like am i wrong to feel like this and am i selfish for asking him to make some effort and talk to me?
Is it selfish of me for wanting my bf to make more effort in speaking to me baring in mind his ex is mentally not in a good place and had been hospitalised recently...
Last edited by stasiaaaax; 6 months ago
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JaseyB
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After reading what you have posted it seems to me like your boyfriend is playing both you and his ex.
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Surnia
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(Original post by stasiaaaax)
So basically, i have been dating a guy for a long time now and everything was good until he slept with his ex. I knew about this encounter and afterwards we were good until his ex said she has feelings for him and i had warned this had happened.
So you didn't have a problem with your boyfriend cheating, it was when his ex confessed to having feelings. Have a rethink on when the problems started in your 'relationship'!
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stasiaaaax
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(Original post by Surnia)
So you didn't have a problem with your boyfriend cheating, it was when his ex confessed to having feelings. Have a rethink on when the problems started in your 'relationship'!
Well we were getting to know one another then, we was speaking as friends so he slept with her before we got together... but i never knew it would be an issue until she confessed to have feelings for him whilst he was with me lol
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Anonymous #1
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Dude just try taking a break from this relationship and see how things work out! You put your happiness above theirs . Tell him you are not okay with what’s happening and it can’t continue
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stasiaaaax
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Dude just try taking a break from this relationship and see how things work out! You put your happiness above theirs . Tell him you are not okay with what’s happening and it can’t continue
Yh that is what i am trying to do right now, but it's hard because i have no friends and he was my only friend
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Anonymous #1
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Report 5 months ago
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(Original post by stasiaaaax)
Yh that is what i am trying to do right now, but it's hard because i have no friends and he was my only friend
Sorry for getting back late . You can always drop in my pm if u are comfortable
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