Ex boyfriend wants to catch up to clear the air?

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veronicalawr
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My original story can be found in my other posts. Anyway, a bit over a month ago - my ex said he wanted to catch up to clear the air. He also wouldn’t directly answer the question when I asked if he just sees me as a friend. I’ve decided to pull back, but it seems like he wants to catch up. He offered to call about something but I said it wasn't necessary, I think he was sort of surprised by that as I usually am jumping at any chance for us to speak on the phone. He sent me a message about the date/time tba (which I didn't respond to) and then he sent me a follow up message about a week later saying “Morning, when works this week for you?” with a smiley face. He hasn't sent me a morning text in a while. He then said whenever is fine, to choose a day/evening and let him know. He then said he hopes my mother is doing okay. I didn't respond for 2 weeks and then he sent me another message saying he hadn’t heard from me in a while, was wondering how I am and asked if my mother is okay. We spoke for a bit and then he said 'we never got around to catching up, let me know if you still would like to'

We ended up agreeing on a day and his last message said 'I think it would be nice to catch up and to clear the air a bit because things ended so badly'

I'm worried for a few reasons - that he just wants to selfishly catch up with me, drive the boot in even more and then run away free of guilt. Or that he'll just tell me again that things won't work out.

Honestly at this stage I would be ok if we never ended up together anymore.
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Joel 96
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(Original post by veronicalawr)
My original story can be found in my other posts. Anyway, a bit over a month ago - my ex said he wanted to catch up to clear the air. He also wouldn’t directly answer the question when I asked if he just sees me as a friend. I’ve decided to pull back, but it seems like he wants to catch up. He offered to call about something but I said it wasn't necessary, I think he was sort of surprised by that as I usually am jumping at any chance for us to speak on the phone. He sent me a message about the date/time tba (which I didn't respond to) and then he sent me a follow up message about a week later saying “Morning, when works this week for you?” with a smiley face. He hasn't sent me a morning text in a while. He then said whenever is fine, to choose a day/evening and let him know. He then said he hopes my mother is doing okay. I didn't respond for 2 weeks and then he sent me another message saying he hadn’t heard from me in a while, was wondering how I am and asked if my mother is okay. We spoke for a bit and then he said 'we never got around to catching up, let me know if you still would like to'

We ended up agreeing on a day and his last message said 'I think it would be nice to catch up and to clear the air a bit because things ended so badly'

I'm worried for a few reasons - that he just wants to selfishly catch up with me, drive the boot in even more and then run away free of guilt. Or that he'll just tell me again that things won't work out.

Honestly at this stage I would be ok if we never ended up together anymore.
Just sounds like he wants to ****.
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veronicalawr
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(Original post by Joel 96)
Just sounds like he wants to ****.
I honestly doubt it. The last time we caught up he was pretty anti any sort of affection. Also, we would be going out to eat.
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Joel 96
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(Original post by veronicalawr)
I honestly doubt it. The last time we caught up he was pretty anti any sort of affection. Also, we would be going out to eat.
I can't imagine "catching up" with an ex partner without having some kind of ulterior motive. Are you both single?
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veronicalawr
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(Original post by Joel 96)
I can't imagine "catching up" with an ex partner without having some kind of ulterior motive. Are you both single?
Yes, we are. Can you think of any other ulterior motives besides sex? Appreciate your advice.
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Joel 96
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(Original post by veronicalawr)
Yes, we are. Can you think of any other ulterior motives besides sex? Appreciate your advice.
Ah okay, and well, not really. Guys and girls are just built differently. You're probably open to a friendship with him right now, but I just thought I'd mention that - as a guy - he's probably after something different. He sounds persistent too, which is an indication to me.

I would just keep it in your thoughts and work out what you really want. If you're completely done with him relationship-wise, then I'd probably give it a pass. And you're welcome!
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Katya_93
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It's always a trick when they 'want to catch up'.
If it ended badly then I'd say if you don't want/think you can be friends, move on.
If it's his fault let him feel bad about it.
And asking about your mom is a low blow. He probably thinks it'll make you softer on him.
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GabiAbi84
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If you don’t want to or see any point in doing so then just tell him you’d rather not and walk away.

He’s your ex for a reason-you don’t owe him anything if you don’t want to go.
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Zarek
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Drawing a civilised line after an uncivilised breakup sometimes seems important once the dust has settled
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veronicalawr
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(Original post by Zarek)
Drawing a civilised line after an uncivilised breakup sometimes seems important once the dust has settled
What do you mean sorry? Do you think it's a good idea if I still like him?
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Zarek
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(Original post by veronicalawr)
What do you mean sorry? Do you think it's a good idea if I still like him?
I meant perhaps he wants to explain, perhaps apologise, and get things on a more friendly footing going forward. It is a shame when a previously important relationship ends badly.

In answer to your second question, I suspect not, and there is an opportunity to restore some self esteem by showing you have firmly moved on. This said, perhaps its an itch you need to scratch, I probably would meet in those circumstances albeit with reservations
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veronicalawr
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I told him that I feel he just wants to catch up to free himself from guilt and that we can only catch up if we both feel it’s best for us to be together. He responded with saying that he understands and he didn’t think it would still be really difficult but he understands and there is a bit of truth in wanting to free himself but he thought it would be healthy in general. Apologised for the pain he’s caused me and wished me all the best.
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