LGBTQ+ Q and A Thread

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Alix06
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#321
Report 1 month ago
#321
(Original post by SagaciousSag)
Your parents don't sound very accepting. I would say don't come out to them, unless you absolutely detest the wrong pronouns. Even then, it sounds like they wouldn't respect it. Sorry you're in such a situation.
Yeah. Like my birth name (And name to most people still) is Abby but I want it to be Alix because its mostly a unisex name especially if you change the i to e, so it kinda suits my non-binaryness(?). I hate having parents who dont accept my decisions...a lot of people judge me for it to but they dont ever tell me a good reason why. They dont even know I go by they/them (sometimes he and almost never she)...I mean, you would think that them, as parents, would accept their own kid. Smh, I dont understand people nowadays.
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parmezanne
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#322
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#322
(Original post by Alix06)
I had a question...I am 16 and a proud non-binary pansexual. Last time I came out to my parents I was 12 and a proud bisexual and they said I had no clue what that was and that I was stupid if I was bi. Now, 4 years later I changed even more and I havent came out to them yet, afraid of more hate...what do I do?
The most important thing is your safety, so you think it might affect that then it always worth waiting, no matter how hard it is. In this instance, I would recommend reaching out to LGBTQ+ or mental health helplines which can help you navigate this - it's too common and difficult to do alone! (Trevor Project, Mind, Samaritans are some suggestions)

Perhaps test the waters before coming out. Discuss casually queerness and see how they feel and react. They might have reacted in that way to your coming out at 12 because they were thought you were too young to know for sure. I don't want to invalidate your experience in any way because I know many people who knew they were queer from the moment they could think - but puberty is a time of change and learning. You have also now said you're pansexual, indicating change did indeed occur :yep: In this way, their resistance might be towards labels, not the queerness itself.

My parents are like this - they support me being who I am, but they would rather I leave the door open to fluctuation instead of being 'definitely' something. I manage this by knowing inside I am bisexual, but avoiding using labels around them :yep:
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Alix06
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#323
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#323
(Original post by parmezanne)
The most important thing is your safety, so you think it might affect that then it always worth waiting, no matter how hard it is. In this instance, I would recommend reaching out to LGBTQ+ or mental health helplines which can help you navigate this - it's too common and difficult to do alone! (Trevor Project, Mind, Samaritans are some suggestions)

Perhaps test the waters before coming out. Discuss casually queerness and see how they feel and react. They might have reacted in that way to your coming out at 12 because they were thought you were too young to know for sure. I don't want to invalidate your experience in any way because I know many people who knew they were queer from the moment they could think - but puberty is a time of change and learning. You have also now said you're pansexual, indicating change did indeed occur :yep: In this way, their resistance might be towards labels, not the queerness itself.

My parents are like this - they support me being who I am, but they would rather I leave the door open to fluctuation instead of being 'definitely' something. I manage this by knowing inside I am bisexual, but avoiding using labels around them :yep:
Okay, thank you for the help...really, it means a lot.
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Reeti
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#324
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#324
(Original post by parmezanne)
Welcome to TSR's LGBTQ+ Q & A Thread!

This thread is designed to answer any questions you might have being queer or as an ally! Although we can't speak for the entire LGBTQ+ community, we will all have some shared experiences, whether it be coming out or questioning ourselves. Feel free to ask for advice, information, experiences or places to find support. :yep:

Below are a number of queer TSR users who are happy to provide advice or answer questions:




Link to the LGBT+ Chat Thread: https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=2529505
Link to this year's Pride Hub: https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=7034240


Q and A Moderation Notes:

  • This thread is not intended for debate. Any users inciting debate or being disrespectful will be removed.
  • Please be mindful of any triggering content. If you are asking about something that is potentially triggering, please provide a trigger warning and put the question in a spoiler.
hey...

I had a question, but i don't know how do I ask it?
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64Lightbulbs
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#325
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#325
(Original post by Reeti)
hey...

I had a question, but i don't know how do I ask it?
If you mean in the thread, try your best to explain the situation and people can help you find correct terminology or ask clarifying questions
If you mean you want to ask someone a question related to queerness irl, someone on here can probably help with that too (:
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Reeti
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#326
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#326
(Original post by 64Lightbulbs)
If you mean in the thread, try your best to explain the situation and people can help you find correct terminology or ask clarifying questions
If you mean you want to ask someone a question related to queerness irl, someone on here can probably help with that too (:
My question was like...

I have always been into boys but recently when I switched country I found out that I like a girl a lot... I don't know if I am straight or bi
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parmezanne
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#327
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#327
(Original post by Reeti)
My question was like...

I have always been into boys but recently when I switched country I found out that I like a girl a lot... I don't know if I am straight or bi
Hey! :hugs: well done for phrasing your question! I understand what you mean

You don't need to be either straight or bi. Sometimes, it's the person that matters, not their gender. If you find this is a common occurrence, you might be pansexual (which means you just like people - whether they are a boy or a girl or nonbinary doesn't matter to you). There's no pressure to put a label on it - you are totally free to just be attracted to this girl and leave it at that. You might find that if you get with this girl, your perception of sexuality can change.

Some people don't even define themselves as queer, but acknowledge they are just in a 'queer relationship'. You might find this more comfortable if you're not ready to explore what you might be yet. :yep:

Ultimately, there is absolutely no rush. You can do your research into different explinations of sexuality, if you think this might help. Alternatively, you can just see how your feelings fluctuate towards different people!

Please let me know if you want more support - this is exactly what this thread is for :hugs:
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Reeti
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#328
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#328
(Original post by parmezanne)
Hey! :hugs: well done for phrasing your question! I understand what you mean

You don't need to be either straight or bi. Sometimes, it's the person that matters, not their gender. If you find this is a common occurrence, you might be pansexual (which means you just like people - whether they are a boy or a girl or nonbinary doesn't matter to you). There's no pressure to put a label on it - you are totally free to just be attracted to this girl and leave it at that. You might find that if you get with this girl, your perception of sexuality can change.

Some people don't even define themselves as queer, but acknowledge they are just in a 'queer relationship'. You might find this more comfortable if you're not ready to explore what you might be yet. :yep:

Ultimately, there is absolutely no rush. You can do your research into different explinations of sexuality, if you think this might help. Alternatively, you can just see how your feelings fluctuate towards different people!

Please let me know if you want more support - this is exactly what this thread is for :hugs:
thanks so much...

And it is not just this one girl...it is like a consent feeling when I see some attractive girl....so I was so confused
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parmezanne
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#329
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#329
(Original post by Reeti)
thanks so much...

And it is not just this one girl...it is like a consent feeling when I see some attractive girl....so I was so confused
So maybe there is some queerness there that you can explore! Just take your time :yep:
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64Lightbulbs
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#330
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#330
(Original post by Reeti)
My question was like...

I have always been into boys but recently when I switched country I found out that I like a girl a lot... I don't know if I am straight or bi
picking a label requires a lot of patience you could definitely be straight or bi, based on what you've said. You don't need to decide anything now (or ever, tbh) but it's worth thinking about.
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sociologynerd8
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#331
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#331
hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.


Spoiler:
Show
For a bit of context, I'm a demigirl lesbian.

I've been gay since 14. I can't come out to my family at all, and will not be going into detail as to why because I don't feel like it. I've recently been questioning if I am asexual or not. This is because every time I am on any social media app, there are always people who make sexual prompts towards me, making me feel panicky and anxious. A girl I liked said that we couldn't date because I was questioning asexuality.

About being a demigirl, I have been feeling massive waves of time where I don't like being a girl at all, but I want to buy more masculine looking clothing. I have also had thoughts of changing my first name to Ellis or Riley, but I am not sure how I feel about it. I have started to question if I am non-binary, so I'm having a few rough days.

Sometimes, I feel really anxious thinking about s3x, I get really upset actually. Would there be a label for this type of feeling?

Also, watching Heartstopper made me cry a lot, because it's not often you see a wlw couple having a happy ending.

Thank you,
Apple.
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Alix06
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#332
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#332
(Original post by sociologynerd8)
hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.


Spoiler:
Show
For a bit of context, I'm a demigirl lesbian.

I've been gay since 14. I can't come out to my family at all, and will not be going into detail as to why because I don't feel like it. I've recently been questioning if I am asexual or not. This is because every time I am on any social media app, there are always people who make sexual prompts towards me, making me feel panicky and anxious. A girl I liked said that we couldn't date because I was questioning asexuality.

About being a demigirl, I have been feeling massive waves of time where I don't like being a girl at all, but I want to buy more masculine looking clothing. I have also had thoughts of changing my first name to Ellis or Riley, but I am not sure how I feel about it. I have started to question if I am non-binary, so I'm having a few rough days.

Sometimes, I feel really anxious thinking about s3x, I get really upset actually. Would there be a label for this type of feeling?

Also, watching Heartstopper made me cry a lot, because it's not often you see a wlw couple having a happy ending.

Thank you,
Apple.
Hmm...I have a demigirl as a friend and then my other friend is asexual but none of them are really like this. I would say that your really just nervous abt s3x so probably not Asexual, bcz my asexual friend said that when you are asexual you dont even IMAGINE sexual situations and if you do it actually seems impossible to even see yourself getting naked with a lover just for a shower or if you are just changing. As for the whole possible demigirl thing you MIGHT be a mix of demigirl and non-binary bcz I am non-binary and feel some of the ways you do and my friend who is a demigirl feels the other ways. Hope I at least help a bit, I have told you everything I know lol.
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Alix06
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#333
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#333
(Original post by sociologynerd8)
hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.


Spoiler:
Show
For a bit of context, I'm a demigirl lesbian.

I've been gay since 14. I can't come out to my family at all, and will not be going into detail as to why because I don't feel like it. I've recently been questioning if I am asexual or not. This is because every time I am on any social media app, there are always people who make sexual prompts towards me, making me feel panicky and anxious. A girl I liked said that we couldn't date because I was questioning asexuality.

About being a demigirl, I have been feeling massive waves of time where I don't like being a girl at all, but I want to buy more masculine looking clothing. I have also had thoughts of changing my first name to Ellis or Riley, but I am not sure how I feel about it. I have started to question if I am non-binary, so I'm having a few rough days.

Sometimes, I feel really anxious thinking about s3x, I get really upset actually. Would there be a label for this type of feeling?

Also, watching Heartstopper made me cry a lot, because it's not often you see a wlw couple having a happy ending.

Thank you,
App.
As for change of name its perfectly fine to change your name, more than once even. I changed my name once from Abby to Alix but I might change it to Daru so...if you wanna change ur name just make sure u think it suits u first.
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64Lightbulbs
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#334
Report 1 month ago
#334
(Original post by sociologynerd8)
hello, so I have a question about asexuality and being a demigirl, as well as changing of names.


Spoiler:
Show
For a bit of context, I'm a demigirl lesbian.

I've been gay since 14. I can't come out to my family at all, and will not be going into detail as to why because I don't feel like it. I've recently been questioning if I am asexual or not. This is because every time I am on any social media app, there are always people who make sexual prompts towards me, making me feel panicky and anxious. A girl I liked said that we couldn't date because I was questioning asexuality.

About being a demigirl, I have been feeling massive waves of time where I don't like being a girl at all, but I want to buy more masculine looking clothing. I have also had thoughts of changing my first name to Ellis or Riley, but I am not sure how I feel about it. I have started to question if I am non-binary, so I'm having a few rough days.

Sometimes, I feel really anxious thinking about s3x, I get really upset actually. Would there be a label for this type of feeling?

Also, watching Heartstopper made me cry a lot, because it's not often you see a wlw couple having a happy ending.

Thank you,
Apple.
Asexuality and allosexuality refer to sexual attraction (finding people's appearance attractive rather than whether you would enjoy doing romantic things with them), whether or not you're actually interested in or ready to have sex. If you're still questioning, it's worth thinking about why you are attracted to the people you're attracted to (are you interested in a relationship? A friendship? Do you think they're hot? Etc.)

It's a perfectly fine boundary to have to not want people talking sexually to you, especially if they're online and you don't know much about them, and especially if you're a teenager.
Last edited by 64Lightbulbs; 1 month ago
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CatusStarbright
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#335
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#335
(Original post by Alix06)
Hmm...I have a demigirl as a friend and then my other friend is asexual but none of them are really like this. I would say that your really just nervous abt s3x so probably not Asexual, bcz my asexual friend said that when you are asexual you dont even IMAGINE sexual situations and if you do it actually seems impossible to even see yourself getting naked with a lover just for a shower or if you are just changing. As for the whole possible demigirl thing you MIGHT be a mix of demigirl and non-binary bcz I am non-binary and feel some of the ways you do and my friend who is a demigirl feels the other ways. Hope I at least help a bit, I have told you everything I know lol.
It's worth noting that the lived experience of asexuality is different for everyone. In fact some asexuals may imagine sexual situations, but have no desire to carry them out in real life. Some may also imagine sexual situations and enact them in real life, but this does not invalidate their asexuality. All asexuality means is that a person does not experience sexual attraction; not that they don't or can't have sex. There are many reasons why a person may want to engage in that sort of activity, it does not have to be about sexual attraction.
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Alix06
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#336
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#336
(Original post by CatusStarbright)
It's worth noting that the lived experience of asexuality is different for everyone. In fact some asexuals may imagine sexual situations, but have no desire to carry them out in real life. Some may also imagine sexual situations and enact them in real life, but this does not invalidate their asexuality. All asexuality means is that a person does not experience sexual attraction; not that they don't or can't have sex. There are many reasons why a person may want to engage in that sort of activity, it does not have to be about sexual attraction.
I know that -.-
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Anonymous #36
#337
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#337
Hi can you find the same sex to be hot and sexy but still be straight?
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Alix06
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#338
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#338
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi can you find the same sex to be hot and sexy but still be straight?
Depends on the situation I guess...-
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64Lightbulbs
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#339
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#339
(Original post by Bonjour! <3)
My friend is lesbian and Im not an ally. What should I say to her when she talks to me about it? Im not homophobic and I don't want to hurt her feelings. What should I say when she brings it up?
I think it'd be helpful if you were more specific about what you would normally say or do that could hurt her feelings. Sometimes people worry too much about mistreating LGBTQ people and sanitize conversations that are inoffensive, and sometimes people genuinely do hold homophobic beliefs without considering themselves homophobic. It's hard to tell which this situation leans towards without more information.
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kaorimiyazono
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#340
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#340
Does anyone have any tips on figuring out if you're non-binary? I've been questioning my gender for a few months and would really appreciate some guidance.
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