LGBTQ+ Q and A Thread
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Anonymous
What does it mean to be bisexual?
Attracted to more than one gender
(edited 3 months ago)
Why does everyone just assume that bi people (like me, hi) are straight? Bi erasure is a *****.
Original post by peekabook
Why does everyone just assume that bi people (like me, hi) are straight? Bi erasure is a *****.
Yeah, it's sad to see some bi erasure is within the LGBT+ community as well. Unfortunately it's quite common that some people assume bisexual women are 'straight' and bisexual men are 'gay' since bisexuality is often ignored
Original post by always-anxious
Yeah, it's sad to see some bi erasure is within the LGBT+ community as well. Unfortunately it's quite common that some people assume bisexual women are 'straight' and bisexual men are 'gay' since bisexuality is often ignored
Not sure what I can do other than get a tattoo on my head that says "actually I'm bi..."
Original post by peekabook
Not sure what I can do other than get a tattoo on my head that says "actually I'm bi..."
Haha that's a creative idea
It doesn't matter what other people think though, if they want to ignore bisexuality then that's their problem you shouldn't have to prove yourself to them 
Original post by always-anxious
Haha that's a creative idea It doesn't matter what other people think though, if they want to ignore bisexuality then that's their problem you shouldn't have to prove yourself to them
It doesn't matter what other people think though, if they want to ignore bisexuality then that's their problem you shouldn't have to prove yourself to them Oh trust me I don't ignore mine 😂 just frustrating is all.
Original post by peekabook
Oh trust me I don't ignore mine 😂 just frustrating is all.
Yeah bi erasure is always annoying :-/
Original post by peekabook
Why does everyone just assume that bi people (like me, hi) are straight? Bi erasure is a *****.
Wow... For me it is strange after I explain I'm bi.
"Do you like men or women more?", "How do you know you are bi and not gay/straight?", "No one can like both!"
The strangest part is that even members of LGBT+ community are like that... I even met a lesbian that says that there is no such thing as bisexual, you either like one or the other... WTF...
Comments like that is one of the reasons I don't go to pride parades or other LGBT+ meetings. I never feel belong there.
Original post by Kathy89
Wow... For me it is strange after I explain I'm bi.
"Do you like men or women more?", "How do you know you are bi and not gay/straight?", "No one can like both!"
The strangest part is that even members of LGBT+ community are like that... I even met a lesbian that says that there is no such thing as bisexual, you either like one or the other... WTF...
Comments like that is one of the reasons I don't go to pride parades or other LGBT+ meetings. I never feel belong there.
"Do you like men or women more?", "How do you know you are bi and not gay/straight?", "No one can like both!"
The strangest part is that even members of LGBT+ community are like that... I even met a lesbian that says that there is no such thing as bisexual, you either like one or the other... WTF...
Comments like that is one of the reasons I don't go to pride parades or other LGBT+ meetings. I never feel belong there.
It's sad to see how some people within the LGBT+ community are discriminatory towards other people in the community
Original post by Anonymous
What does it mean to be bisexual?
You can be attracted to either male or female - you don't only like boys and you don't only like girls. You may have a preference, for example I identify as bisexual with a female preference. You could only have relationships with men but could still identify as bisexual, meaning you could be attracted to either.
Original post by peekabook
Why does everyone just assume that bi people (like me, hi) are straight? Bi erasure is a *****.
Bi-people are worse off than both gay and lesbian according to statistics. The reason is that they are always suspected of infidelity, or seen as traitors. But many of them do live with one partner, and they then have a secret life behind the backs of their partners. I have seen many such people online. "Come at ten," they say, "then my wife is at her mother's with my children". (fictional but representative example of what they write in apps). And they also say they visit saunas and baths houses...
Original post by michaelhw
Bi-people are worse off than both gay and lesbian according to statistics. The reason is that they are always suspected of infidelity, or seen as traitors. But many of them do live with one partner, and they then have a secret life behind the backs of their partners. I have seen many such people online. "Come at ten," they say, "then my wife is at her mother's with my children". (fictional but representative example of what they write in apps). And they also say they visit saunas and baths houses...
I think it's unwise to paint bisexuality as the reason why (often) men with internalized homophobia and/or external pressures have chosen to live with the expected partner despite their interest in their own gender. Repressed desires for the same gender and feeling unfulfilled in their relationships with the opposite gender is much more likely to affect a closed monosexual than a closeted bisexual. It's weird that you think of this as an issue of infidelity that must be caused by bisexual infidelity rather than an issue of bigotry and repression.
Original post by michaelhw
Bi-people are worse off than both gay and lesbian according to statistics. The reason is that they are always suspected of infidelity, or seen as traitors. But many of them do live with one partner, and they then have a secret life behind the backs of their partners. I have seen many such people online. "Come at ten," they say, "then my wife is at her mother's with my children". (fictional but representative example of what they write in apps). And they also say they visit saunas and baths houses...
hmmm.... interesting. Is this how people see those who are both poly and bisexual???
Original post by Kathy89
hmmm.... interesting. Is this how people see those who are both poly and bisexual???
I am not talking about honest people, I am talking about those who are in relationships with people who do not know what their partner is. You cannot expect a partner to accept things they dont know anything about? A lie is a lie. Sometimes they don't have a choice, they are bound hand and foot. That is a totally different matter. But some may be able to protect themselves by selecting people like themselves or by being honest or by avoiding things. What do bisexual mean when they say they want respect? Who is to respect them?
Original post by michaelhw
It doesn't matter what is wise. It is a fact that they score worse than gay/lesbian on most assessments, meaning that their lives are more difficult. And then you must ask why? It is because they sometimes find themselves in a two front war. They are pressured from many sides. If you go to a gay app, you will see that fidelity is an issue. It is not so strange that people should ask about it either. They are worried that their partner might not feel fulfilled by what they can give them. That is natural. I think they way for bisexuals is to be totally honest about it at the start, if possible, that way they get partners who know what they are getting into. It is the lying that increases the pressure on themselves and the feelings of betrayal in their partners. This is a cause of unhappiness. I am not saying this because I want them to stop, or wish them ill. Quite the opposite. I can assure you there are many liberal minded people..
Some of these people run around acting 24/7 in their own homes. I get exhausted just thinking about it. Now she is in the kitchen, so i am opening grindr etc...
It is not just the women who are not told, sometimes they dont tell the men either that they have a wife? And then you extend this web of lies over time.. Some men have contacted me in a gay app and told me that they refuse to show me a picture of their face before we supposedly meet (which of course it out of the question). But you see how weird it is..
Some of these people run around acting 24/7 in their own homes. I get exhausted just thinking about it. Now she is in the kitchen, so i am opening grindr etc...
It is not just the women who are not told, sometimes they dont tell the men either that they have a wife? And then you extend this web of lies over time.. Some men have contacted me in a gay app and told me that they refuse to show me a picture of their face before we supposedly meet (which of course it out of the question). But you see how weird it is..
Gay people have always had anonymous hookup cultures and I'm assuming since you are in these apps you are of the age of majority. To put it kindly, you need to grow up and filter your own experiences to preserve your own happiness instead of blaming bisexuality. Bisexuals "score poorly" because they experience discrimination both in and outside of queer communities, not because they are particularly prone to infidelity.
Original post by 64Lightbulbs
Gay people have always had anonymous hookup cultures and I'm assuming since you are in these apps you are of the age of majority. To put it kindly, you need to grow up and filter your own experiences to preserve your own happiness instead of blaming bisexuality. Bisexuals "score poorly" because they experience discrimination both in and outside of queer communities, not because they are particularly prone to infidelity.
No, i disagree. It is not discrimination. I never heard people say "You god damn bisexual"! Quite contrary, they can have beards, and hide behind a woman. A gay man cannot. It is due to the fact that their orientation puts them in a situation not many other people experience. I am 50 by the way, i am not blaming anyone for anything. I saw a man online who was almost 70, he had been married for 40 years. And in all those years...When a partner feels betrayed it is not discrimination, nor is it discrimination when a bisexual man feels stress because he is afraid to be discovered. It is a consequence of living a lie. They cannot be discriminated for sleeping with men because they haven't told anyone about it? I don't see that asking people to be honest to the people they select as partners is bad?
They are not discriminated by gays either, as you say gay men do not care that much. So the stress comes from the relationship to their home, the person waiting while they are having sex in a toilet somewhere. They inform no one, do not show their faces in apps, and use false names and god knows what else.
(edited 2 months ago)
Original post by michaelhw
No, i disagree. It is not discrimination. I never heard people say "You god damn bisexual"! Quite contrary, they can have beards, and hide behind a woman. A gay man cannot. It is due to the fact that their orientation puts them in a situation not many other people experience. I am 50 by the way, i am not blaming anyone for anything. I saw a man online who was almost 70, he had been married for 40 years. And in all those years...When a partner feels betrayed it is not discrimination, nor is it discrimination when a bisexual man feels stress because he is afraid to be discovered. It is a consequence of living a lie. They cannot be discriminated for sleeping with men because they haven't told anyone about it? I don't see that asking people to be honest to the people they select as partners is bad?
They are not discriminated by gays either, as you say gay men do not care that much. So the stress comes from the relationship to their home, the person waiting while they are having sex in a toilet somewhere. They inform no one, do not show their faces in apps, and use false names and god knows what else.
They are not discriminated by gays either, as you say gay men do not care that much. So the stress comes from the relationship to their home, the person waiting while they are having sex in a toilet somewhere. They inform no one, do not show their faces in apps, and use false names and god knows what else.
I usually have much more empathy for those in the community who lived through the AIDS epidemic, but you seemed to have picked up more of your worldview from cosmopolitan than from your own community, shown by your complete lack of understanding of biphobia and its motivations.
In early queer movements, political lesbianism was often a part of many radical feminists' lifestyles, and bisexual women were viewed by some as traitors to lesbianism, siding with the patriarchy when they were attracted to women as well. They were often rejected from queer communities because they couldn't "commit" to either side. Bisexual was a dirty word, and bi women had to fight to be included in lesbian spaces. From outside the community, they still face the same discrimination as homosexual women, with added stereotypes of hyper sexuality and sluttiness. Bisexual women are often treated primarily as objects for straight men's fantasies about lesbian women.
Bi women also are much more likely to experience domestic violence than straight women or lesbians.
https://journals.lib.sfu.ca/index.php/thirdspace/article/view/pell/3121
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/17405904.2014.974634?needAccess=true
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10486155/
From outside the community, bisexual men are targeted by the myth that they are a vector of diseases, and a danger to straight women. During the AIDS epidemic, it was widely circulated that rather than the much more common methods of IV drug use, and sex with IV drug users, bisexual men were the sole vector for a gay men's disease to infect straight women. Magazines like cosmopolitan ran articles fearmongering and encouraging women to find out if their husbands were secret bisexuals. Beyond the employment, housing, and social discrimination against homosexual and bisexual men, these stereotypes pushed many bisexual men to further repress themselves. You describe it as a convenience to be able to have a "beard" rather than a terrible thing to have to hide and repress. In all, this furthered bisexual men's reputation as liars and threats. This view of the bisexual identity itself as a threat to one's health or relationship, rather than the acts of betrayal and unfaithfulness that would actually cause harm to a partner, assumes bisexuality and infidelity are synonymous. This association between infidelity and bisexuality that you hold was popularized not only by trashy magazines, but church figures, because bisexuality implies a person could have sex with more than one person in their lives. These discriminatory and unfounded beliefs are repeated by many homosexuals within the gay community as well. You really should mind your company, they make you look quite bad.
https://bi.org/en/articles/how-the-aids-pandemic-fed-biphobia
(sorry for the tumblr link, the only online copy I could find to back this up)https://fujiwaradivebar.tumblr.com/post/648469012439842816/fujiwaradivebar-verily*****ie-can-someone-in
Both clearly face doubt and discrimination within the community beyond the discrimination they face for their queerness, even if you want to take the ridiculous stance that they can't be oppressed because no one has invented a special slur to shout at them on the street.
Basing your entire perception of a group based on the bad actions of a few, particularly the actions you have personally seen in an environment where bad decisions are concentrated (such as grindr, known for its anonymous hookup culture), is by definition bigotry. It isn't subtle, it isn't righteous, and it's very disappointing that you're just as untrustworthy and incompetent as many of your straight peers.
This thread is meant to be a place for LGBTQ+ people to ask advice and questions about their sexuality, so I've tried to make my post as historical and informational as possible. Before you reply with another biphobic assertion of a hypothetical incident of infidelity, I hope you'll consider the impact of your words on the many (often young) bisexuals who might read them.
(edited 2 months ago)
Original post by 64Lightbulbs
I usually have much more empathy for those in the community who lived through the AIDS epidemic, but you seemed to have picked up more of your worldview from cosmopolitan than from your own community, shown by your complete lack of understanding of biphobia and its motivations.
In early queer movements, political lesbianism was often a part of many radical feminists' lifestyles, and bisexual women were viewed by some as traitors to lesbianism, siding with the patriarchy when they were attracted to women as well. They were often rejected from queer communities because they couldn't "commit" to either side. Bisexual was a dirty word, and bi women had to fight to be included in lesbian spaces. From outside the community, they still face the same discrimination as homosexual women, with added stereotypes of hyper sexuality and sluttiness. Bisexual women are often treated primarily as objects for straight men's fantasies about lesbian women.
Bi women also are much more likely to experience domestic violence than straight women or lesbians.
https://journals.lib.sfu.ca/index.php/thirdspace/article/view/pell/3121
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/17405904.2014.974634?needAccess=true
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10486155/
From outside the community, bisexual men are targeted by the myth that they are a vector of diseases, and a danger to straight women. During the AIDS epidemic, it was widely circulated that rather than the much more common methods of IV drug use, and sex with IV drug users, bisexual men were the sole vector for a gay men's disease to infect straight women. Magazines like cosmopolitan ran articles fearmongering and encouraging women to find out if their husbands were secret bisexuals. Beyond the employment, housing, and social discrimination against homosexual and bisexual men, these stereotypes pushed many bisexual men to further repress themselves. You describe it as a convenience to be able to have a "beard" rather than a terrible thing to have to hide and repress. In all, this furthered bisexual men's reputation as liars and threats. This view of the bisexual identity itself as a threat to one's health or relationship, rather than the acts of betrayal and unfaithfulness that would actually cause harm to a partner, assumes bisexuality and infidelity are synonymous. This association between infidelity and bisexuality that you hold was popularized not only by trashy magazines, but church figures, because bisexuality implies a person could have sex with more than one person in their lives. These discriminatory and unfounded beliefs are repeated by many homosexuals within the gay community as well. You really should mind your company, they make you look quite bad.
https://bi.org/en/articles/how-the-aids-pandemic-fed-biphobia
(sorry for the tumblr link, the only online copy I could find to back this up)https://fujiwaradivebar.tumblr.com/post/648469012439842816/fujiwaradivebar-verily*****ie-can-someone-in
Both clearly face doubt and discrimination within the community beyond the discrimination they face for their queerness, even if you want to take the ridiculous stance that they can't be oppressed because no one has invented a special slur to shout at them on the street.
Basing your entire perception of a group based on the bad actions of a few, particularly the actions you have personally seen in an environment where bad decisions are concentrated (such as grindr, known for its anonymous hookup culture), is by definition bigotry. It isn't subtle, it isn't righteous, and it's very disappointing that you're just as untrustworthy and incompetent as many of your straight peers.
This thread is meant to be a place for LGBTQ+ people to ask advice and questions about their sexuality, so I've tried to make my post as historical and informational as possible. Before you reply with another biphobic assertion of a hypothetical incident of infidelity, I hope you'll consider the impact of your words on the many (often young) bisexuals who might read them.
In early queer movements, political lesbianism was often a part of many radical feminists' lifestyles, and bisexual women were viewed by some as traitors to lesbianism, siding with the patriarchy when they were attracted to women as well. They were often rejected from queer communities because they couldn't "commit" to either side. Bisexual was a dirty word, and bi women had to fight to be included in lesbian spaces. From outside the community, they still face the same discrimination as homosexual women, with added stereotypes of hyper sexuality and sluttiness. Bisexual women are often treated primarily as objects for straight men's fantasies about lesbian women.
Bi women also are much more likely to experience domestic violence than straight women or lesbians.
https://journals.lib.sfu.ca/index.php/thirdspace/article/view/pell/3121
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/epdf/10.1080/17405904.2014.974634?needAccess=true
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10486155/
From outside the community, bisexual men are targeted by the myth that they are a vector of diseases, and a danger to straight women. During the AIDS epidemic, it was widely circulated that rather than the much more common methods of IV drug use, and sex with IV drug users, bisexual men were the sole vector for a gay men's disease to infect straight women. Magazines like cosmopolitan ran articles fearmongering and encouraging women to find out if their husbands were secret bisexuals. Beyond the employment, housing, and social discrimination against homosexual and bisexual men, these stereotypes pushed many bisexual men to further repress themselves. You describe it as a convenience to be able to have a "beard" rather than a terrible thing to have to hide and repress. In all, this furthered bisexual men's reputation as liars and threats. This view of the bisexual identity itself as a threat to one's health or relationship, rather than the acts of betrayal and unfaithfulness that would actually cause harm to a partner, assumes bisexuality and infidelity are synonymous. This association between infidelity and bisexuality that you hold was popularized not only by trashy magazines, but church figures, because bisexuality implies a person could have sex with more than one person in their lives. These discriminatory and unfounded beliefs are repeated by many homosexuals within the gay community as well. You really should mind your company, they make you look quite bad.
https://bi.org/en/articles/how-the-aids-pandemic-fed-biphobia
(sorry for the tumblr link, the only online copy I could find to back this up)https://fujiwaradivebar.tumblr.com/post/648469012439842816/fujiwaradivebar-verily*****ie-can-someone-in
Both clearly face doubt and discrimination within the community beyond the discrimination they face for their queerness, even if you want to take the ridiculous stance that they can't be oppressed because no one has invented a special slur to shout at them on the street.
Basing your entire perception of a group based on the bad actions of a few, particularly the actions you have personally seen in an environment where bad decisions are concentrated (such as grindr, known for its anonymous hookup culture), is by definition bigotry. It isn't subtle, it isn't righteous, and it's very disappointing that you're just as untrustworthy and incompetent as many of your straight peers.
This thread is meant to be a place for LGBTQ+ people to ask advice and questions about their sexuality, so I've tried to make my post as historical and informational as possible. Before you reply with another biphobic assertion of a hypothetical incident of infidelity, I hope you'll consider the impact of your words on the many (often young) bisexuals who might read them.
You cannot face discrimination is you are not open, which the people i have seen are not. The only thing i am saying is that people should be honest with their partners. I am sorry if this is construed as something negative. If your partner knows what you are, they can then love you for being just this. Also, there are many partners of the opposite sex who themselves have similar feelings. So you can find a suitable match. If your partner is angry with you because they feel betrayed, it is NOT discrimination. The problem occurs when people discover that the thing they have bought is not what they paid for.
How can you tell if you're bi or straight?
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Lgbtq
- Are you Straight, Gay, Lesbian or bisexual?
- Loughborough University LGBTQ+
- university of reading lgbt/alt/indie culture
- is york st john uni lgbtq+ friendly?
- LGBTQ+ at University of Leicester?
- Queer literature in school?
- Cabinet split over rainbow lanyards
- I'm a 23 year old Gay Pakistani guy, but will my family be accepting?
- Uni search help for an American
- LGBTQ+
- Replacement Tenant Needed (Uni of Birmingham, LGBTQ+ friendly, house share)
- Quality of life at lancaster
- transphobia at uni?
- Queerness & University
- Anyone studying criminology starting september? Need friends (Birmingham City Uni)
- IRP Follow Up Questions? – AQA A LEVEL Spanish
- Which college is better in Oxford?
- ntu or reading uni
- LGBTQ+ only accomodation
Latest
Trending
Last reply 3 weeks ago
What are the psychological aggression that you face a lot as ethnic minority?Last reply 3 weeks ago
Is it normal to have “friendship fatigue†as you age?
