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LGBTQ+ Q and A Thread

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Original post by parmezanne
I'm sorry that you're in a bit of a muddle right now :frown: but you've come to the right place for some advice and support! I'm going to pass this one onto @becausethenight @Stiff Little Fingers and @sinfonietta who will have more experience with gender identity than me. :yep:

In terms of your sexuality, what are you finding particularly confusing? I spent an entire year questioning mine so I might be of some help to you if you could expand a little more, if you're comfortable to of course :smile:

Uh- I’ve been questioning my sexuality for almost a year now, and came to the conclusion that I’m not straight. I think I’m attracted to men? And probably also women (since I was in denial about having a crush on my female best friend for a good year). I’ve stuck with queer as a label- since I think I’m attracted to all genders, but not quite sure yet. I think I just have impostor syndrome- I question myself relentlessly about whether I’m ‘queer enough’ and worry if I’m kist trying to draw attention to myself/I’m just faking it.

Not really knowing if I am attracted to guys kinda makes it difficult to figure out the whole, do i want to be *with* them or *be* them

Original post by SarcAndSpark
Hey,

I can't speak about this from the point of view of someone who isn't Cis, but I'm a cis woman and I very much wish I had a more androgynous body type- I think we are so bombarded with images of certain types of bodies, particularly in terms of "high fashion" that it can be normal to dislike or not feel comfortable with certain aspects of "female" bodies.

It's not quite the same thing, as I wouldn't want to not have breasts at all, but I'd like them to be much smaller, and to not really have hips etc etc.

Breasts can be uncomfortable, cause back pain, you have to buy special bras to exercise and it's just a whole thing.

I just wanted to offer the perspective that not being comfortable with all aspects of your body as woman doesn't necessarily mean you're not cis. Although, of course, it might.

I’m not totally flat chested, but I’ve always had small breasts. I kinda just want them.. gone. They don’t really impact my life? Thats sounds weird- but I’ve never had health related issues with them, I can get away with not really wearing a bra and being fine.

I don’t have gender dysphoria- I don’t think. I feel semi comfortable in my body- but it’s more like apathy?
Original post by parmezanne
Welcome to TSR's LGBTQ+ Q & A Thread!


This thread is designed to answer any questions you might have being queer or as an ally! Although we can't speak for the entire LGBTQ+ community, we will all have some shared experiences, whether it be coming out or questioning ourselves. Feel free to ask for advice, information, experiences or places to find support. :yep:

Below are a number of queer TSR users who are happy to provide advice or answer questions:

•

me, @parmezanne - bisexual

•

@BurstingBubbles - bisexual / pansexual

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@becausethenight - non-binary / trans / bisexual

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@Stiff Little Fingers - trans

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@sinfonietta - non-binary / gender non-conforming / bisexual / pansexual

•

@CatusStarbright - asexual

•

@shadowdweller - demisexual / graysexual

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@Elizabeth II - bisexual

•

@CoolCavy - gay




Link to the LGBT+ Chat Thread: https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2529505
Link to last year's Pride Hub: https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?p=90466984&highlight=pride%20hub


Q and A Moderation Notes:

•

This thread is not intended for debate. Any users inciting debate or being disrespectful will be removed.

•

Please be mindful of any triggering content. If you are asking about something that is potentially triggering, please provide a trigger warning and put the question in a spoiler.



hey my name is jay-jay i have a question to ask xx
Original post by jademowry123
hey my name is jay-jay i have a question to ask xx

sure! go ahead :smile:
Original post by parmezanne
sure! go ahead

i am a lesbian but somedays i feel like i dont have a gender what does that mean :smile:
Original post by jademowry123
i am a lesbian but somedays i feel like i dont have a gender what does that mean :smile:

Hi! Thanks for your question.

I'm going to hand you over to @sinfonietta and @becausethenight - I haven't experienced struggles with gender identity so perhaps they'll be better suited to help you :yep:
Original post by Anonymous
Uh- I’ve been questioning my sexuality for almost a year now, and came to the conclusion that I’m not straight. I think I’m attracted to men? And probably also women (since I was in denial about having a crush on my female best friend for a good year). I’ve stuck with queer as a label- since I think I’m attracted to all genders, but not quite sure yet. I think I just have impostor syndrome- I question myself relentlessly about whether I’m ‘queer enough’ and worry if I’m kist trying to draw attention to myself/I’m just faking it.

Not really knowing if I am attracted to guys kinda makes it difficult to figure out the whole, do i want to be *with* them or *be* them


I’m not totally flat chested, but I’ve always had small breasts. I kinda just want them.. gone. They don’t really impact my life? Thats sounds weird- but I’ve never had health related issues with them, I can get away with not really wearing a bra and being fine.

I don’t have gender dysphoria- I don’t think. I feel semi comfortable in my body- but it’s more like apathy?


I do think this is a feeling that some Cis Women relate to- we get so much messaging about the "perfect" body that it's normal to feel somewhat dissatisfied or not love our own.

But it sounds like there are other things making you question your gender identity a bit? So it may be worth playing with gender a bit to see how that makes you feel?

I think the way you feel about being "queer" is very common too.
Original post by Anonymous
What does gender envy feel like?

I identify as female, and I kinda wish I didn’t have breasts? I just,,,feel detached from it. I’m in a weird space of questioning my sexuality as well, so it’s all a bit confusing lol

Gender identity and gender expression can be two separate things. If you dislike your breasts then that's a choice you can make (e.g. binding, mastectomy), and cis people can be envious of other genders without being trans/non-binary

Dysphoria can be weird, people don't experience it the same way - for some people it doesn't come as discomfort or pain but as apathy towards assigned gender and euphoria at being seen as a different gender. Finding a label can be useful for yourself but you don't need to find a label to start making changes to your presentation based on how you'd like to be seen. Sometimes that can end up telling you more about what labels you might be comfortable with.
Original post by parmezanne
Hi! Thanks for your question.

I'm going to hand you over to @sinfonietta and @becausethenight - I haven't experienced struggles with gender identity so perhaps they'll be better suited to help you :yep:


how do i get in touc with them to talk about my expierence
Original post by jademowry123
how do i get in touc with them to talk about my expierence

I tagged them, so when they're online they'll get back to you :hugs:
Original post by parmezanne
I tagged them, so when they're online they'll get back to you :hugs:

ok thank you
I feel that I'm faking being part of the LGBTQ+ community / that I'm a cishet person who wants attention :/
(I only found out some labels that fit with my gender/sexuality quite recently and I'm really confused)
I also feel like a hypocrite because I used to be against the community... (but now I am trying to be a good ally)


What's the Q strand for?
Original post by Anonymous
I feel that I'm faking being part of the LGBTQ+ community / that I'm a cishet person who wants attention :/
(I only found out some labels that fit with my gender/sexuality quite recently and I'm really confused)
I also feel like a hypocrite because I used to be against the community... (but now I am trying to be a good ally)




I forgot to add that I don't experience dysphoria, so that's probably why I feel like I'm pretending
Original post by Anonymous
What's the Q strand for?

Queer / Questioning I think
Original post by Anonymous
What's the Q strand for?

Either 'questioning' or 'queer'
I forgot to add that I don't experience dysphoria, so that's probably why I feel like I'm pretending

If you're questioning/exploring your gender/sexuality then of course you can identify with the community!
Original post by CatusStarbright
If you're questioning/exploring your gender/sexuality then of course you can identify with the community!

thank you, this made me feel more valid :smile:
Hey! I think identify as bi, but I haven't told a lot of people because I feel like I am just doing it for attention. I feel like I am just a cishet who wants to be "different". I do think about women quite a lot but I have never had a crush on one (except actresses) and I have had crushes on boys before who gave me a jittery feeling.
Also, I don't like calling myself a girl even though I do feel feminine at times. I don't like it when people call me a "woman" or a "lady", but I reckon that this is just internalised misogyny. Is It because nobody has ever made me feel like a woman?
Original post by Anonymous
Hey! I think identify as bi, but I haven't told a lot of people because I feel like I am just doing it for attention. I feel like I am just a cishet who wants to be "different". I do think about women quite a lot but I have never had a crush on one (except actresses) and I have had crushes on boys before who gave me a jittery feeling.
Also, I don't like calling myself a girl even though I do feel feminine at times. I don't like it when people call me a "woman" or a "lady", but I reckon that this is just internalised misogyny. Is It because nobody has ever made me feel like a woman?

Hi,
I've been identifying as a lesbian for basically all of my teenage years, and I also had moments where I felt like I was doing it for attention - and in the 5 or so years I've known I like women, I've only had crushes on two people I know IRL. Sexuality is fluid, and the fact that you're worried you're identifying as bi for "attention" means that you most likely aren't; even if you do decide you're straight later on, you're allowed to question your sexuality and there's no harm in thinking one label fits you if it later doesn't. Bisexuality is rarely 50/50, so it might just be your ratio is 80/20 towards men - that doesn't make you any less bi, or invalidate your attraction to women. You might find later on that this changes, and that's okay, too.

Vis-a-vis gender identity - I also identify as non-binary (which links to my lesbianism, but that's a whole other tangent), and I have a similar issue with the not calling myself a girl but feeling feminine at times/liking traditionally feminine things (e.g makeup). You don't have to disown femininity to be non-binary, and your gender identity is something deeply personal. Maybe try testing out different pronouns to see if you prefer anything other than she/her? Internalised misogyny is a ***** (lol), and I think the line is very blurry, but ultimately your identity can only be determined by you, and it isn't anyone else's business. Feel free to PM me if you want any more specific advice :]
:hi: I've grouped my answers to these two gender identity related questions since they may overlap a bit, FYI :smile:
For context, as it said above I'm AFAB non-binary with some experience of dysphoria. Very conflicted over any idea of medical transition.

Original post by Anonymous
What does gender envy feel like?

I identify as female, and I kinda wish I didn’t have breasts? I just,,,feel detached from it. I’m in a weird space of questioning my sexuality as well, so it’s all a bit confusing lol


'Gender envy' isn't a term I'm super familiar with - the internet is telling me something like "feeling jealous of someone else's gender presentation" but please say if that's not what you meant! It sounds a lot like what I can feel sometimes looking at androgynous presentations from male-bodied people (think the legendary David Bowie or Harry Styles in a dress on Vogue) - sometimes I do just feel viscerally upset that they can just put on some lipstick or a skirt and be "trailblazers" and "visibly doing gender****" while whatever I do, people look at my body shape and breasts and go "woman in jeans". It's really frustrating and it can be confusing for me because sometimes I feel like I want a male body, but because then I could be visibly read as non-binary/gender non-conforming, rather than because I actually want to be a guy. That's a bit long but that's basically just my experience - I imagine lots of people will feel it differently and certainly for me it's very tied up with dysphoria, and I could imagine it being a more "euphoric" experience of appreciating someone else's gender.


I can really sympathise with hating breasts so...high five? :lol: It can feel pretty isolating when everyone around you is going on about wanting larger ones and how cool yours are, but society's a ***** and you're not alone.

Other users have spoken very eloquently about how that can be a cis woman thing as well as a trans guy or enby thing, so all I'll do is reiterate that how you feel never means you're forced into a certain identity. If anything, I see my dysphoria as very secondary to the main reason I'm non-binary - which is very simply that I am not, and don't want to be, either a woman or a man, and being this way makes me happy. I'd also really, really echo @sinfonietta's point that you can make all sorts of changed to your appearance and dress to make yourself comfortable without needing a label - that journey can even be an important part of how you get to a label you like. If you do want to bind your breasts please do try and do that safely though :wink:

:goodluck::hugs:



Original post by jademowry123
i am a lesbian but somedays i feel like i dont have a gender what does that mean :smile:


The short answer is: whatever you want it to?

Gender identity can seem like a scary binary choice sometimes, because we do still focus on binary transition models and "coming out" into a fixed gender category, but plenty of people can feel like their gender identity fluctuates (look up genderfluid) or that they have no gender at all (look up agender or neutrois). If you just have that feeling of being genderless, acknowledge it, and move on, that can be all you want to do! Equally, on days you feel less 'gendered', you might want to experiment with different dress, pronouns, names or whatever and in that case go for it. It can be tricky explaining to people that you don't always use the same name or pronoun set and it might be helpful to actually have some fairly in depth chats with supportive close friends about how you're going to play it and how you can let them know what you're comfortable with at any given time (pronoun badges, style of dress, asking etc)

You also don't have to drop 'lesbian' because you're not always a woman or aren't at all a woman - you use what's right for you and what you feel comfortable using. Equally if 'lesbian' doesn't fit right anymore, there will be plenty of other terms like 'queer', 'sapphic', 'gay' etc you might like better.

:goodluck::hugs:
You should call this The LGBTQ&A 😏

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