LGBTQ+ Q and A Thread

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jademowry123
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#81
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#81
i

(Original post by becausethenight)
:grouphugs:
:goodluck: we're always here if you need more help!
i have just followed you just incase i need you again
how are u anyways xx
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username5702645
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#82
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#82
I'm a 17 year old gay guy, but I've never been in a relationship
I've told a couple of my friends but I've kept it a secret from my parents, I don't think they would accept it.
Luckily my friends dont have a problem with it at all!
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parmezanne
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#83
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#83
(Original post by jademowry123)
thank you so much for being so understanding
i am honestly so grateful i don't know how i can ever thank you
tbh i cant think of anyone else who has been so aceptive
You can always come back to this thread if you have any other questions that are queer-related, we're happy to help you! :yep:

If you want to be a part of a massive accepting group, you can always join the LGBT society here and check out the links I put in the original post of this thread you can find support and other people who might be going through similar things! Or, you can just introduce yourself to meet other queer TSR users.
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parmezanne
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#84
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#84
(Original post by Hyperadder04)
I'm a 17 year old gay guy, but I've never been in a relationship
I've told a couple of my friends but I've kept it a secret from my parents, I don't think they would accept it.
Luckily my friends dont have a problem with it at all!
Hey there!

First off, you don't need to prove your sexuality for it to be valid - you can have feelings without acting on them. I know I am bisexual and I've also never been in a relationship - it's totally possible and 100% normal.

Why do you think your parents might not accept you? Is it more fear of the unknown or have they given you reason in the past to think they won't like it? Maybe we can dive into this further and see if there's a solution for you :yep:

I'm glad your friends are cool with it. At least you know that whatever happens, there are people who love you and support you.
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BurstingBubbles
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#85
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#85
Coming out (positive experience but possible TW with some of the content still)

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I just found the message that I sent to my Mum when I first came out on Facebook back in 2015. I was too worried about saying it in person and wanted to be able to write it down, send it to her, and see when she had seen it (my Mum is a Christian, not really strict, and had some quite traditional views e.g. marriage only between a man and women etc). Rereading it, I can feel the anxiety behind the message and I seemed to think that I needed to justify things! Luckily my Mum was very supportive, although did have occasional 'wobbles' towards the start (mainly about the idea of marriage and children). I'm still with the partner that I was with when I came out and we're engaged. I now have lovely conversations with my Mum about my wedding, which is just over a year away, and starting a family in the future - my Mum is asking how long after we get married would we want to have children (as in, she's excited!). It's amazing how things can change

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Anonymous #8
#86
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#86
aaaaaaaaaaaa this is so wholesome!! Congrats on the engagement and I hope you have a beautiful wedding! Wishing you lots of love and wellness in your life!!
(Original post by BurstingBubbles)
Coming out (positive experience but possible TW with some of the content still)

Spoiler:
Show


I just found the message that I sent to my Mum when I first came out on Facebook back in 2015. I was too worried about saying it in person and wanted to be able to write it down, send it to her, and see when she had seen it (my Mum is a Christian, not really strict, and had some quite traditional views e.g. marriage only between a man and women etc). Rereading it, I can feel the anxiety behind the message and I seemed to think that I needed to justify things! Luckily my Mum was very supportive, although did have occasional 'wobbles' towards the start (mainly about the idea of marriage and children). I'm still with the partner that I was with when I came out and we're engaged. I now have lovely conversations with my Mum about my wedding, which is just over a year away, and starting a family in the future - my Mum is asking how long after we get married would we want to have children (as in, she's excited!). It's amazing how things can change
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Anonymous #8
#87
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#87
Hi!!!!
I appreciate this thread so much I`ve learnt quite a lot in the last few pages but I have a very stupid question and I might say a couple of sensitive things don`t read if it might upset you, please delete this if its a bit too much
Do I put a TW?? Idk but just in case there is mention of homophobia
Spoiler:
Show
Trust me this is worst thing I`ve ever written out, is it possible to stop being gay??
Like I can only imagine myself marrying a woman and raising a family with a woman? But its getting a bit problematic because my family is a bit messed and I`m not even allowed to wear trousers or walk around with a friend who happens to be a male without a whole village of people trying to hunt me down. It sucks and I just wish I wasn`t such a burden for my parents, they will disown me in there near future I know it but I really don`t want to go through all of that and I love my siblings and my parents but they don`t even accept basic science, imagine if it turns out their daughter wants to dress like a man and is a lesbian. aaaa this is weird I haven`t really said it out loud before but I think thats what I am and I hate it. I hate being so difficult but yeah. Thank you if you read all that and I hope you can give advice or something???

Sorry for oversharing so much but yeah, question is, is there a way to stop? or tone it down??? I`m sorry if this hurts anyone in any way.
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hxnnxh_13.11.06
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#88
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#88
How to come out to parents?
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becausethenight
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#89
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#89
(Original post by hxnnxh_13.11.06)
How to come out to parents?
Depends on the parents - first question, sadly, is always "would you be safe if you did?"
If they're generally nice people (as one would hope) it can be helpful to 'signpost' a bit and set aside time for a discussion (like saying "I have something really important I want to tell you, is now a good time where we can talk") and offering to answer questions or give them time. Some people do just come out over text or casually mention it, but I know a lot of people are quite worried and like the 'gravitas' of doing it seriously, myself included.

Also worth bearing in mind that properly coming out can be the first step on a long road still - for me for example, coming out to my parents as bi happened a few years ago, them actually acknowledging that hasn't really happened yet!
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hxnnxh_13.11.06
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#90
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#90
(Original post by becausethenight)
Depends on the parents - first question, sadly, is always "would you be safe if you did?"
If they're generally nice people (as one would hope) it can be helpful to 'signpost' a bit and set aside time for a discussion (like saying "I have something really important I want to tell you, is now a good time where we can talk") and offering to answer questions or give them time. Some people do just come out over text or casually mention it, but I know a lot of people are quite worried and like the 'gravitas' of doing it seriously, myself included.

Also worth bearing in mind that properly coming out can be the first step on a long road still - for me for example, coming out to my parents as bi happened a few years ago, them actually acknowledging that hasn't really happened yet!
Okay, thank you. No, I don't think it is safe we are currently in family therapy for non-LGBT-related issues. I think I'll wait :/
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shadowdweller
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#91
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#91
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi!!!!
I appreciate this thread so much I`ve learnt quite a lot in the last few pages but I have a very stupid question and I might say a couple of sensitive things don`t read if it might upset you, please delete this if its a bit too much
Do I put a TW?? Idk but just in case there is mention of homophobia
Spoiler:
Show
Trust me this is worst thing I`ve ever written out, is it possible to stop being gay??
Like I can only imagine myself marrying a woman and raising a family with a woman? But its getting a bit problematic because my family is a bit messed and I`m not even allowed to wear trousers or walk around with a friend who happens to be a male without a whole village of people trying to hunt me down. It sucks and I just wish I wasn`t such a burden for my parents, they will disown me in there near future I know it but I really don`t want to go through all of that and I love my siblings and my parents but they don`t even accept basic science, imagine if it turns out their daughter wants to dress like a man and is a lesbian. aaaa this is weird I haven`t really said it out loud before but I think thats what I am and I hate it. I hate being so difficult but yeah. Thank you if you read all that and I hope you can give advice or something???

Sorry for oversharing so much but yeah, question is, is there a way to stop? or tone it down??? I`m sorry if this hurts anyone in any way.
Spoiler:
Show
Hey! First of all, it's not a stupid question at all - any (respectful) question is totally valid, at least in my view :yep:

It may not be what you want to hear, but generally speaking no, it's not possible to stop being gay. You avoid acting on it if you wish to, and it may be that it's also safer to whilst you're in that situation. Is it feasible for you to move away in the future and be able to come out then? Do you know for certain that your parents would be against it?
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Anonymous #8
#92
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#92
(Original post by shadowdweller)
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Hey! First of all, it's not a stupid question at all - any (respectful) question is totally valid, at least in my view :yep:

It may not be what you want to hear, but generally speaking no, it's not possible to stop being gay. You avoid acting on it if you wish to, and it may be that it's also safer to whilst you're in that situation. Is it feasible for you to move away in the future and be able to come out then? Do you know for certain that your parents would be against it?
Spoiler:
Show
Hi thank you for replying!!! I sort of expected that answer, but oh well! Absolutely not, I have been warned many times what will happen if I "act out" or dishonour the family (moving out in my family is considered very disrespectful and the only way for me to move out is with a man in marriage). I guess university might help me navigate around this, I just really wish I could love someone openly, I don`t think it`s fair for my future partner to hide who they are because of my oversensitive family.
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becausethenight
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#93
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#93
(Original post by hxnnxh_13.11.06)
Okay, thank you. No, I don't think it is safe we are currently in family therapy for non-LGBT-related issues. I think I'll wait :/
Ah I see, I'm sorry to hear that
It's not fun waiting but it is better than some of the alternatives, unfortunately... Really all the best to you and I do hope you can come out and be yourself as soon as it's feasible :hugs:
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Anonymous #9
#94
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#94
hey! i really don't understand transgender people. like if you are a man, why would you willingly want to become a woman and be oppressed and if you are a woman, why would you want to give up your femininity and become a man? xxx
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EierVonSatan
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#95
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#95
(Original post by Anonymous)
hey! i really don't understand transgender people. like if you are a man, why would you willingly want to become a woman and be oppressed and if you are a woman, why would you want to give up your femininity and become a man? xxx
It's not a conscious choice to feel discomfort with your sex.
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Anonymous #9
#96
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#96
(Original post by EierVonSatan)
It's not a conscious choice to feel discomfort with your sex.
but doesnt everyone go through phases of not feeling comfortable - it doesn't mean you change how u were born?? x
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64Lightbulbs
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#97
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#97
(Original post by Anonymous)
hey! i really don't understand transgender people. like if you are a man, why would you willingly want to become a woman and be oppressed and if you are a woman, why would you want to give up your femininity and become a man? xxx
there's obviously dysphoria involved, and suicide rates of closeted transgender people increase the longer they stay in the closet.
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EierVonSatan
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#98
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#98
(Original post by Anonymous)
but doesnt everyone go through phases of not feeling comfortable - it doesn't mean you change how u were born?? x
Sure, I think most people do but it's usually a pretty minor thing, for trans people it's probably much more significant. I'm not trans, so I can only give you second hand information I think it's very hard/impossible to understand unless it happens to you and so it's difficult to grasp from our perspective.

Changing how you were born is impossible unless you have a time machine
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jademowry123
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#99
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#99
(Original post by Anonymous)
hey! i really don't understand transgender people. like if you are a man, why would you willingly want to become a woman and be oppressed and if you are a woman, why would you want to give up your femininity and become a man? xxx
it is nerological and it can be very hard to process i know but its like saying if you wanted to be identified as a cat but you are a human but you understand your disision and noone knows what you are feeling it is a weird example but it makes sence if you think about it i hope this help you to understand transgender people or you can go to becausethenight for support they helped me when i needed help they are sure to know what to say many thanks jay-jay
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becausethenight
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#100
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#100
(Original post by jademowry123)
it is nerological and it can be very hard to process i know but its like saying if you wanted to be identified as a cat but you are a human but you understand your disision and noone knows what you are feeling it is a weird example but it makes sence if you think about it i hope this help you to understand transgender people or you can go to becausethenight for support they helped me when i needed help they are sure to know what to say many thanks jay-jay
Thanks - I'll make the point now though that I'm not engaging in this discussion (despite being trans) because I can't be bothered to justify existing :lol:
I don't understand why anyone else is happy as a man or a woman, but somehow I can understand that they are
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